Beautiful Release
by Tina Chaves1
Summary: AU: 'And it's hard at the end of the day, I need some distraction. Oh, beautiful release.' Though unhappily married to other people, Ross and Rachel try to find in each other something more.
1. Chapter 1

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

For a moment, she could swear her mind had gone blank. Nirvana. And she didn't care much for it. She blinked and lightly snapped out of it. Lightly. After all, not much seemed to fill her head those days. At least, that's what it seemed like. Oh, how foolish.

She looked down at the fresh bubbles that surrounded her and turned off the Jacuzzi. She finally closed her eyes and tried to focus on the moment, on the feeling of being alive. The blood that pumped through her veins. The scent of the bath oils that surrounded her. The city noises, which, throughout the years of living in New York, she had majored the art of blocking out. She had forgotten how they still managed to sneak up to the 18th floor of her Park Avenue apartment.

It was almost real.

It was home.

The door opened abruptly and she opened her eyes, without looking any disturbed.

"Oh, hey" Barry greeted.

"Hey"

Rachel didn't even have the strength to complain when he forgot to lift up the toilet seat. It was one of the many things she had given up on after countless years of marriage.

After he was done, Barry left the bathroom unloosening his tie and leaving the door open. Rachel looked after him, making sure he was out of sight - she knew he was undressing in their room as he turned on the t.v., where he would spend some time laughing before coming in for a shower - before lifting herself out of the tub and wrapping a towel around her slim body.

Once in her closet, she closed the door and dropped the towel. Blankly staring at her nude figure through a mirror, she untied her hair from a bun. She looked closely at her image. She really had to get those roots dyed.

Remembering she had forgotten the bag with her brand new body products in the bedroom, Rachel cursed under her breath and covered herself with a robe. Sure enough, Barry's clothes were scattered all over the floor. She stepped on them on her way to her shopping bags. She grabbed all six of them and marched back to the closet, once again stepping on his shirt. She thought she'd seen a lipstick mark on his collar, from the corner of her eyes.

But she didn't turn to look again. She continued her path.

Barry's laugh filled the spacious bedroom when she re-entered it. Another lame t.v. program she couldn't bring herself to give a minute of her attention. Good thing it was something else she had learned to block out. With a little help. She reached for her nightstand, pulling a pill from the drawer. With no need of water, she swallowed it, dry, somehow enjoying the feeling of the tiny button shaped drug slowly slipping down her throat.

With her head on her goose feather pillow, release came.

---

Ross sat alone on his bed that morning, a thoughtful look on his face. He could hear the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, Carol was taking a shower. He looked at the door and then looked down. Wondering.

Twelve years of marriage. Sure there would be times they would be running a rough path, right? It was only normal.

Right?

Five months it had been since they had last had sex. Three since he'd noticed their conversation was beginning to die down aswell. And for a couple of weeks now, Carol seemed to be more edgy than usual. Ever since, they had had a few tiffs, something unusual at the Geller-Willick household, followed by a huge fight the previous night during dinner, right in from of their five-years-old son, Ben. Over... He couldn't even remember what had triggered it. Or he couldn't understand.

He stood up, confident, and opened the bathroom door silently. He undressed, still unnoticed by his wife, and sneaked into the shower with her.

"What the hell?"

Carol backed away from him.

"I just wanna apologize for last night"

He gave her a smile and approached, but was stopped when she held up a hand.

"Don't."

"Carol, I just-"

"I'm done here" she simply said, hopping off the shower. "And don't forget about dinner tonight at the Roberts'"

Ross watched her leave, his eyes wide open, surprised, yet unable to demand an explanation. Chicken? Nah. Ross just wanted to be patient. The day they'd gotten married, he'd promised her that, right? They'd vowed to love each other and be together forever. He didn't want to confront her. Not just now. Maybe with a little space, she would get over it and go back to her usual self. In the mean time...

He gave himself a treat in the shower. As he orgasmed, he could tell there was more to the water that ran down his body. Deluded, his tears helped wash out some of his frustration away. Just some.

---

Rachel couldn't tell how much time had passed since she'd been up. She blinked blankly at the ceiling, so white. She ran the things she had to do that day through her mind. Pick up dry cleaners, exchange that Fendi with a broken strap, shop for more night cream, dye her hair, brunch with the girls... And she shut her eyes when she remembered.

"Shit, dinner at the Roberts'..." she thought to herself.

Well, on the bright side, that meant she could go and pick up a new dress for the occasion. God knows Barry never complained when it came to spending money on such occasions. And she would be no fool to let the opportunity pass by. It was one of the few pleasures she still had those days, after all.

"Mrs. Farber, no breakfast?" the latin american maid asked with a heavy accent.

"No, Dalva. Listen, I laid down some clothes on my bed, they need to be ironed." The maid nodded. "And, also, I'm not coming home for lunch. If Barry calls, tell him I did not forget about dinner."

"OK, Mrs. Farber"

And, with that, Rachel was gone.

-

"Oh, I am telling you, she's a keeper. She even takes little Matt to the doctor sometimes when I can't make it"

The other girls looked amazed at Lisa Houser's statement.

"Honey, you gotta let us know where you find such great nannies"

"She might just be the only one." Lisa shook her head. "And God knows she's the first good one I have. Remember the" Lisa gestured drinking with an invisible glass "incident?"

"Oh, right, right" the rest of them agreed.

"What about you, Rach?" Paula Krauss asked. "No kids in the picture yet? It's about time you start thinking about it"

She knew it was coming. It always did. But she pulled up a smile from her sleeve, she never ran out of those.

"And wreck yet another human being? Nah, I've done enough of that in high school." She sipped on her juice. "Not my thing"

"Oh, honey, it's not my thing either, and yet, here I am, third on the way"

They all laughed, though Rachel couldn't tell why.

"Yeah, yeah, but still... Nah" She shook her head.

"Does Barry not want them?"

Bitter memories.

"He does, sometimes... And some other times he wants to cancel his appointments for a week and fly off to Paris. I keep telling him that can't happen once we have a baby."

"True, a lot is missed out when you have them to take care of..."

"That's what nannies are for, girl." Lisa said as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "And here's to them." She raised her glass.

Again, Rachel fake-laughed at the tragic statement.

-

In her closet, Rachel pulled out her new Prada from its bag. Perfect, didn't need ironing or anything. She proudly picked up a hanger and displayed the dress right next to the mirror as she worked on her make up. Once she was done, she slipped naturally into the dress, as if they'd been made for each other. In the middle of her quest for the perfect shoes, she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Yes?"

"I've got something for you"

"Come in"

Barry walked in wearing a tux and holding a box.

"New dress?"

"Yeah"

"Nice"

"Thanks"

If there was a device that measured a level of interest in people, it would not have moved during either line.

"Anyway, here, I've picked this up for you today."

She turned around and smiled at him, just as she was supposed to.

"Thank you." She took it and opened it. "It's beautiful"

She was just about to close it when he spoke again.

"Wear it tonight"

"It doesn't really go with-"

"Wear it" He cut her words.

She was silent and motionless for a few seconds. Then she handed him the box. He took the diamond necklace from it while she turned around. She watched him through the mirror as he proceeded to put it on her. As soon as he was done, he took a good look at her and all she saw in his eyes was approval. And then he was gone.

---

Rachel and Barry walked into the luxurious apartment together, her arm around his. The host spotted them as soon as they stepped in and approached. He was a tall man, somewhere after his sixties, white hair and all. Once or twice, Rachel could swear Jim Roberts had made a pass at her. She hadn't, but she could tell that if she had let Barry know about it, he would have been smitten. And she would not give him the satisfaction.

"Barry, hey!" the guys shook hands.

"Hey Jim, how are you?"

"Fantastic. And, oh, Rachel, always so beautiful"

Jim took the liberty of kissing Rachel's cheek.

"Thank you. It's a lovely party"

"Yeah, I guess you don't celebrate thirty-five years of marriage every day"

"Not at all, specially these days" Barry agreed.

Half an hour later, Rachel approached the bar, bored out of her mind. She hated that circle. Mostly old people, friends of Barry's parents. Since their passing the year before, Barry had filled up the social post of the Farber family, which meant Rachel had to accompany him to at least two events a month.

She didn't know those people. She scanned the room with a pair of very uninterested eyes. She still had the talent of standing there looking as if she was having fun, after all. On the process, though, her eyes caught someone else's. The chocolate brown set held her sight possibly under a spell. For some reason, she just couldn't look away. Emotionlessly, they looked at each other for maybe a good whole minute.

Finally, he smiled.

"Can I help you, Miss?"

The bartender's voice snapped her out of it. Disconcerted, she looked at him.

"Oh, hm. A Cosmopolitan, please"

"Coming right out."

And she was afraid to look back. Curiosity was not something she was used to, anymore. It was unsettling.

But after a few seconds, she surrendered to it. When she did looked back, though, he wasn't there anymore.

"Hey"

The voice startled her. She turned to her other side and saw him standing right next to her. Surprised, she took longer to reply.

"Hi"

The bartender returned with her drink.

"Here you go, Miss."

"Thank you."

"Can I get you anything, Sir?"

"Sure, a white wine spritzer, please"

"Alright"

When the bartender was busy again, they looked at each other.

"Hm..." he began, nervously. "Are you... Are you Rachel Green?"

"Yes" She replied cautionly, wondering how the stranger knew her. "Well..." she raised her left hand. "Green-Farber now"

"Oh" he chuckled.

"Why?"

"You don't remember me, do you?"

Rachel shook her head.

"I'm sorry..."

"That's OK, I didn't expect you to."

Rachel let her eyes take a better look. Maybe an old fling? God knows she had more than enough of those during her high school and college years. On the other hand... he didn't seem like the type she usually dated back then.

"It's Ross Geller. You know, Monica Geller's older brother, from high school."

"Oh." And she remembered Monica, who she hadn't seen since little time before her wedding. "Oh God, Monica, it's been such a long time."

"Yeah, yeah, I bet."

And she dug deeper into her memory and finally remembered him. Oh, sure, with the bad afro and mustage on her prom night. And the crush he used to have on her. She even vaguely remembered a day he'd attempted to kiss her, saying he needed some chap stick for it was a dry day.

She smiled.

"So... How is she?"

"She's good, she's good. She's a chef now, she's working at that place Alessandro's."

"Oh my God, I was there just the other night"

"Yeah. You should give her a call sometime, I'm sure she'll like hearing from you"

"Yeah, that would be nice."

And they kept looking at each other again, an unknown kind of tension rising up. Rachel looked away to search for Barry through the crowd. There he was, in a circle of men, laughing over something she knew that couldn't be ethical to deserve such reaction.

"So, what are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Mary Hannah's my wife Carol's Godmother. You?"

"She and Jim were close friend of my husband's parents"

"Right..."

"So, married, huh?"

"Yeah, it's been twelve years, got a five years old son. You?"

"Six years. No kids for us, though."

"Not even in the future?"

"Not built for it." she forced a smile.

He watched her smile create adorable dimples on her cheeks and felt something stirring inside of him. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt for her. Although, what did that mean those days, anyway? After all this time he'd gone by without passion, he felt himself getting hot over anybody. But Rachel... in a way, there was just a lot of history there. She was the first girl he ever thought of on his way of becoming a man, he'd spent many sleepless nights awake on his bed wishing she was his.

Damn, and she still looked hot.

But, anyway, at the end of the day each of them was still going home with their respective spouse. And that left him room for, again, just fantasy.

"Here you go, Sir"

Ross took his drink from the bartender.

"Thank you"

Rachel watched him as he took a sip. Something about his company made her unquiet.

"So what do you do now, Ross?"

"I'm currently working at the Museum of Natural History and giving a few special classes here and there at the NYU."

"Nice."

"Yeah. You?"

"Oh, I shop. That's what I do for a living."

They both laughed nervously.

"Well, good for you"

"Yeah" She smiled and looked down.

Silence fell upon them again. When she finally looked back at him, she realized his eyes had been wandering around some very intimate parts of her. And she liked it. Blushing, she tried to compose herself. It was not everyday something like that would actually flatter a woman like her.

"OK, everybody, dinner is served" a middle aged woman announced.

Ross and Rachel looked at each other.

"Well, I guess I'll talk to you later"

"Yeah. It was nice seeing you again"

"You too"

They held each other's eyes for a few quiet seconds before parting ways.

* * *

Yeah, of course you know where this is going :P haha. I hope you liked it. I really wanna engage myself in this fic after my past failtures here. You guys gotta help me out though. I work better and faster when I get feedback. I mostly stopped writing on the other stories because I didn't feel like people were reading or enjoying them. No fun for you, no fun for me. That's how it usually works. Hopefully you'll like this one though. I intend to make it kinda angst and as realistic and honest as I can. Now... click on that review button and write me something ;) Doesn't have to be anything inspiring, haha, as long as I know you're there. Mwah, thanks for reading! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

Rachel and Barry got home around one in the morning. For some reason, she couldn't cast away the memory of her encounter with Ross, earlier that evening. Silly, they'd barely even talked. The gazes lingered on till the end of the evening though. Even as he left with his wife, around eleven or so, they'd said their goodbyes with their eyes.

She dropped her purse on her dresser just as Barry hugged her from behind, planting inpersonal kisses on her neck. Well, she knew what that meant. They took it to the bed. She didn't bother taking off her dress, she simply pulled it up enough for him to do his thing. And she stared at the ceiling. So white. So blank.

---

The next morning, still in her pijamas, Rachel scanned the phone book looking for Monica's number. Her well manicured finger slided down the G column, quickly locating the Gellers.

"Geller, Monica, there" she whispered to herself.

She took her cellphone and saved the number in its memory. And then she stopped herself for a second. Her finger ran down over a few names untill she found what she was looking for. Ross Geller.

She saved his number too. Just... Just in case.

---

Ross walked down the street towards the coffee shop where he daily met his friends after work. Just a half an hour thing, to chill out a little before finally going home. Lately, though, it had become a more and more necessary habit. And that's when his half an hour begun to become a whole hour or even two.

He needed it.

That particular day, however, Ross knew he was just going there for the sake of it. He wasn't as frustrated or emotionally exhausted as he usually was. Maybe a little confused. And curious. But, in such days, he would gladly open the door for those feelings if it meant he would get rid of the others.

He just... He couldn't stop thinking about her. It was as if he was fifteen all over again. And though it seemed like he had gone through hell back then, battling with his self steem which was only aggravated by his school mates - including Rachel herself - it also began to seem not even half of what Carol was putting him through.

Or at least that's what he chose to believe.

Besides... He could still feel her eyes on him. The previous night had left him wondering. He stopped himself and frowned at his own thoughts. Maybe he wondering too much.

Well, whatever. Wondering wasn't a crime. There was nothing wrong with fantasying. It was not like anything would ever happen, anyway. After all... it was Rachel Green. Pardon, Green Farber now. She would never want anything with him, right? Only in his fantasies.

As he reached the glass walls of Central Perk, he stopped himself. Surprisingly, there she was. Sitting on the orange couch next to Monica, chatting, so lovely with her hair pulled up on an elegant pony tail. He felt himself being drawn to her perfect neck, as if he'd been born to cherish it. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to control that unquiet warmth that was beginning to spread over his body. After a deep breath, he entered.

"Really? Oh my God, I can't believe you still see Josie, Katie and Julia!" Monica said with fake excitment.

Rachel laughed.

"That's OK, Mon, I know you hated them."

"Try they hated me..."

Rachel sighed.

"I'm sorry, but you know just how tiny our world was back then"

"So does that mean they've changed?"

Rachel took a moment to think.

"I'm sorry, but you know just how tiny their world is" she reprased and Monica laughed. "But, oh, hey, honey, I'm sure they would eat their words if they saw you right now! You look absolutely gorgeous!"

Monica blushed.

"Oh, come on. I didn't lose weight so I could rub it in other people's faces. I did it for me."

Rachel tilted her head, adoringly.

"I thought you did it to get back at that friend of Ross'"

Monica took a few seconds.

"You're right, we should make they eat their words!"

Rachel laughed. Ross got caught enchanted by that sound as he stood behind the girls, still unnoticed.

"Hey" he finally said. Monica and Rachel turned around.

"Oh, hey, Ross! Look who's here, it's Rachel Green, from high school."

Ross looked all weird at her, realising she hadn't told Monica they had run into each other the previous night.

"Hey, Ross. It's been a long time, huh?"

Ross couldn't help but chuckle at the sneaky smile she was flashing at him. He didn't know what, but it had to mean something.

"Yes. Yes, it has"

"She called me today and we went shopping."

"Sounds like fun" he said as he took a seat on the arm chair, having trouble moving around all the shopping bags.

"You're out early" Monica commented to her brother.

"I had the afternoon for classes today, but they got cancelled. I'm not about to complain."

"Sure. Oh, shoot." Monica said as she glanced at her watch. "Speaking of work, I gotta go get ready for mine. Are you gonna stay here?" She asked Rachel.

"Ah, yeah, yeah. I- I'll finish my coffee and head home."

"OK, then." The girls hugged. "I've had a great time today"

"Me too"

"I'll call you so we can set something up, OK?"

"Please." Monica stood up. "Have fun at work"

"Thanks. Bye, Ross"

"Bye"

Monica left.

Ross and Rachel looked at each other.

"I guess you were serious when you said you shopped for life" he joked, glancing at the shopping bags that were left.

Rachel chuckled.

"Yeah..." She said in almost a whisper.

Rachel crossed her legs to try and ease the tension. Even though it was a little disturbing, she liked it. It made her feel alive. It pulled her back from the numbness she usually drowned in. She looked up at him again and smiled.

Then her cellphone rang.

"Excuse me"

She saw Barry's name on the screen.

"Hello."

"Hey, I'm just calling to say I'm gonna be home really late tonight, OK? Don't expect me to dinner."

Funny, these days he didn't even bother to come up with a real excuse. Dinner with his mates, late appointments, bad traffic. Oh, just as well, he had run out of those anyway.

"OK" she answered, simply.

"OK, bye"

She didn't bother replying. She just closed her flip phone and looked at the man next to her.

That's it. Simple as that. She was gonna have an affair. And Ross Geller was the chosen prey.

No wonderings, no considerations. Wasn't that how Barry seemed to do it?

"Sorry" she told him.

As a response, he just shook his head, as if telling her it was nothing.

"How long more did you stay at the party last night?" Ross finally asked.

"About an hour and a half after you left"

"Did I miss anything important?" he joked.

She smiled at him.

"Oh, yes, you missed a very inspiring drunken speach about the benefits of alcohol to our society."

"No wonder these people are influent in this city"

Rachel laughed and Ross savoured it. About an hour went by like that. Talking, laughing, flirting. Long silences. Long stares. All new to Ross, who had never been good around girls. All very familiar to Rachel, who had missed it so much.

"Well..." she began. "I guess I better go take these home" she gestured towards her shopping bags.

"Sure, sure..."

She stood up and he stood up too, just to be a gentleman.

"Thanks for the coffee" she said, refering to him picking up her bill.

"My pleasure"

They looked at each other longingly, yet again.

"Do you need help taking the bags to a cab?"

"Actually, I drove here. But, yeah, I could use an extra pair of hands."

He smiled and took the biggest bags. They exited the coffe house and walked silently to her Mercedes, parked in a not so scary yet very reserved alley. She opened the trunk and both dropped her bags in it. She closed it and they turned to look at each other.

"Thanks, again"

"My pleasure, again"

After their gazes got dangerously locked, she couldn't tell who leaned in first. Next thing she knew, she felt his lips on hers, on a quiet and very soft kiss. And then it was over. Both naturally pulled away. Eyes on each other's, she picked up her keys, opened her door and got into the car. Ross watched her drive away.

As if it was the most natural thing in the world.

---

Ross opened the door to his apartment. Carol was in the livingroom, clearily marking some papers, while Ben was coloring on the coffee table nearby.

"Daddy!" Ben got up and hugged his father.

"Hey, Ben. How was school today?"

"Fine"

"Good. Did you learn anything?"

"Yeah, I learned that Ms. Fish does not like to be called Flumber."

Ross couldn't help but chuckle at that, earning a dirty look from Carol. He imediately turned serious at his son.

"That's not nice, Ben."

"I know, I'm sorry..."

"That's OK."

Ben went back to his activity and Ross looked at Carol. She had her face practicly glued to those papers again. He noticed the pile, it was huge. She would be at it all night. He remembered what had just happened with Rachel at the alley and honestly didn't know what to feel about it.

"You're home early." Carol commented, disinterest, however, clear in her voice.

"Yeah, no classes today." He merely said as he walked out of the room.

Ross entered the bedroom, threw his briefcase on the bed and paced around a bit. He stopped, picked up his cellphone and entered the bathroom, locking the door after himself. He punched a few numbers and waited.

"Mon, hey, sorry to bother you, but I gotta ask something. I need Rachel's number, she left one of her shopping bags at Central Perk this afternoon and I gotta give it back to her." he paused. "No, don't worry, I'll do it. I've got nothing to do right now and it might be something important to her" he paused again. "OK, thanks"

He smiled to himself.

-

Rachel opened the door to her bedroom and for a while allowed herself some time to just stand by the doorway. She threw all of her bags on the floor and finally switched on the lights. Hm, it was one of those nights.

Without further hesitation, she approached her nightstand and opened her drawer. It took her a couple of minutes to decide on what she should take that particular night. After she was done, she left the room holding the two chosen pills.

She entered the kitchen and opened the fridge, getting a diet coke. She used it to wash down the pills, hoping the slightly corrosive liquid would help digesting the drugs faster.

"What should I make for dinner, Mrs. Farber?"

"Jesus, Dalva, you scared me."

"Pardon, ma'am."

"Hm, actually, I'm not gonna have dinner. Listen, I'm gonna lie down now. If anyone calls, just say I'm not home. And Barry's not gonna come home to dinner either."

"OK, ma'am"

Rachel entered her room just in time to catch her cellphone ringing. She raised her eyebrows with surprise when she saw the name which flashed on the screen.

"Hey" she tried to pull out her most casual tone.

"I wanna see you." he said in almost a whisper.

She smiled to herself.

"OK" she paused. "Where?"

"Could you meet me outside Central Perk in one hour?"

She was silent for a few seconds.

"I'll be there."

After she hung up the phone, Rachel quickly took a glance at her watch. She raced to the bathroom and kneeled down in front of the toiled, forcing herself to throw up untill the two tiny pills slided to the botton of the blow.

* * *

Tah-dah. Sorry it's taken "so long" to post, but I've had problems with my stupid computer. This chapter has been written for two days, but my computer refused to work, so...! Anyway, let's just hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon, 'cause I'm enjoying this a lot :) OK, now... wow. I am surprised with the atention this story is getting. I am truly amazed and honored you guys have taken the time to read, review and stuff. And such good reviews too :D I hope the rest of it lives up to your expectations...! I know it's complicated and etc, but just bear with me, I do have a plan. So it's OK they are rushing to it and not thinking much. Again, bear with me. One more thing... aw, thanks about commenting on how my English has gotten better, hehe. I just came back from two months and a half living and working at the USA. I guess it had to do something for my English, eh? I'm not gonna run a spell check on this though. Why? I'm afraid my computer is gonna freak out again any time now, so I better post it ASAP. Hope you guys keep on reviewing! You're awesome, I'm so happy ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

Gotta say... This chapter is kinda hot. Have changed the rating to M. Enough said. Not as long as the others. But hopefully still worth it.

* * *

Ross paced around outside Central Perk. Unquiet, confused. Excited. Thoughts of Carol and Ben were farther away by the second, as his mind filled with thoughts exclusively of her.

"Hey"

He turned around and faced her. She wore a defiant look and, even though she was still shorter than him, he could somehow feel her looking down at him from her long fine heels. And he liked it.

"Hey" He looked up and matched her posture. "There's a bar just a couple of blocks from here. You wanna walk?"

"Sure."

---

The bar wasn't very full. After all, it was only six thirty of a dull April monday. Ross and Rachel stood by the door for a second, untill they noticed a row of empty tables on the back. With a hand on the small of her back, Ross led the way.

"Can I take your orders now?" an attractive twenty something waitress asked as soon as they took their seats across from each other.

"Ah..." Rachel thought quickly. "A glass of the Chardoney." she tought "If you have it. If not, any wine is fine."

The waitress rolled her eyes.

"And for you, Sir?"

"I'll have the same."

"I'll be right back"

The waitress left them and they finally turned their atention to each other. Their looks didn't search for meanings. It didn't question the kiss earlier that afternoon. It didn't ask for romance or any thing else that would require words. It simply was.

"What are you thinking?"

For some reason she wasn't surprised by his question. Nobody had ever asked her that before.

"I'm thinking the Village isn't as wild as I thought it would be."

He chuckled and she finally smiled.

"You?"

He looked at her and held her eyes for a moment, delaying his reply.

"I'm thinking even though you don't belong here, the lightning says the contrary."

She looked at him for a while, serious. Belong was a serious therm.

"So tell me, where do I belong?" she leaned back on her chair.

"Somewhere more glamorous, I bet."

She looked away and crossed her arms.

"You'd think."

He looked confused and was about to speak again when their waitress approached.

"Here you go. Can I get you anything else?"

"Thanks, we're good" Ross replied, while Rachel took a generous sip on her drink.

"Hm, good wine" she commented on an already better mood. Ross wondered if he should expect more mood swings.

"Yeah?" He smiled and sipped it himself. "Oh yeah, the kind that leaves a really bad hangover to tell the story."

She giggled.

"I guess we'll have to control ourselves then."

"I can't promise anything" he said with a ambiguous smile. Rachel smiled and couldn't help but chuckle.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Shs sipped her wine again, feeling the drink swimming freely on her empty stomach. She really would have to control herself, she thought. Without much else to digest, she knew her body would very soon be intoxicated with the least bit of alcohol she consumed. And a lady like herself didn't get drunk. She couldn't afford the damage it might bring.

"So..." he started, but never finished.

She looked at him and smiled, playing with the edges of her glass. She leaned foward and kissed him.

"It's just sex" she thought to herself.

Ross kissed her back, softly. Again, it was a simple kiss. Or she would think. She pulled away a little disturbed.

"Ross..." she began. "We both know why we're here."

He looked at her and nodded, seriously. After a second, he leaned closer and kissed her again, this time deeper. She brought her hand to his cheek, her heart pounding inside her chest like she had never felt it before. She felt butterflies in her stomach when his tongue slided between her lips and failed to hold a quiet moan.

After a good minute, they relutanctly pulled away. They looked at each other. She sighed softly and drank the rest of her wine while he watched her.

"You wanna get out of here?"

She lowered her glass and couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the kiss that had left her that dizzy.

"Yeah."

---

As cliché demanded, Ross picked up the key to their hotel room. However, there was nothing cliché about their actions. Both walked silently to the elevator. No "are you sure about this", "I've never done this before" or, what would be more suitable for them, questioning looks. There was no room for that, or need for it. The feeling on the pit of their stomach was reassuring enough, and just somehow they knew the other was just as determined to go through it.

He opened the door and switched on the lights for her. She stepped inside and looked around. It was nice. Not five stars, but stars enough to have someone like Rachel comfortable. She threw her purse on the dark colored couch and turned around to look at Ross. He closed the door and, with no need for words, crossed the room and kissed her.

She felt a little silly. As one of her friends had once put it, she now had a boyfriend for life and yet wasn't used to kissing anymore. It was almost as if she was a teenager, learning it all over again. With Barry it was never this personal, no matter how deep it was, no matter how he chose to explore her lips.

Kissing wasn't a big deal in their marriage, anymore. Huh, what was it, those days? Not even sex, anymore. More like something they did for the hell of it, for it was what they were supposed to do. She couldn't even remember when was the last time she'd had an orgasm. Actually, she couldn't remember the last time she had even craved one.

He lightly pulled them back towards the bed. She caught the drift and walked with him, still liplocked. Before they could fall onto the soft matress, his hands got bolder and she almost felt herself shivering when they brushed slightly on her butt.

His body weightened on top of hers. They kicked off their shoes. While one of his arm reached the side for some support to ease it, the other travelled down and reached the botton of her dress. Without hesitation, it slid under the soft fabric, grazing her tigh. Again, Rachel failed to hold a moan, this time louder.

He was kissing Rachel Green. He was kissing her, touching her and figuring out how to work her dress. Her perfect dress that covered her perfect body. It did feel like fantasy.

He removed his lips from hers and gazed at her neck. She opened her eyes and captured the look of desire he wore when he used his fingertips to caress it. She closed her eyes again and felt every pore of her body rise in graceful goosebumps. He lowered his lips to it and kissed it once. Twice. He caught a bit of her skin in between his teeth and sucked on it. Rachel dug her nails onto his back and realized she had possibly never been this turned on when both of them were still fully dressed.

So she undid his tie and reached for the buttons on his shirt, undoing them as he still planted fire kisses on her neck. He moved lower. His fingers found the straps of her dress and his thumbs slid around them, teasing her and he moved them down to her sides.

Fear suddenly filled her. She might still somehow had a sex life with her husband, but she never found herself vulnerable during the act. For the past year or so, she never even took off her clothes for him. And now there was this semi-stranger, undressing her, kissing her, touching her. She felt the left strap sliding down and held her breath partly to supress the fear, partly to supress a moan.

He kissed the valley between her breasts, uncovered by her cleavage. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away, rising with him to a sitting position. She raised her right arm to show him her zipper. He slowly undid it. She rearranged herself on the bed so he could pull the dress up and over her head.

He stared at her and she fought the urge to cover herself again. The female body in all it's beauty. Ross moved closer to her, showering her with kisses to show his apreciation. Rachel bit her botton lip and continued to undo his buttons.

She stared at his uncovered chest and moved on top of him. He laid back and watched as she threw his shirt away and lowered herself to him. He breathed lowder as her tongue replaced her lips, as she sucked harder and harder on his skin, sure enough leaving a wet and dark trail.

They held each other's eyes again when she undid his belt. His pants too went flying across the room and she felt herself getting a fresh bash of lust when she realized just how excited he was. Ross noticed it and smiled. It was good to be with someone who apreciated it, for once.

"Ah, hold on" he whispered, realizing there was something they couldn't forget.

He hopped off the bed and raced to his pants, fumbling through his pockets. He came back a couple of seconds later, tearing open a condom.

He rolled on top of her again. He kissed her while his right hand travelled lower and played with her. Rachel opened her eyes, gasping into his mouth. He smiled and continued, as she closed her eyes and moaned.

"Hmmm, now" she moaned into his ear.

He tore off his boxers himself, wearing the condom and carefully entering Rachel. She arched her back and sighed. He looked down at her as he began to slide in and out. She had her eyes closed, her head turned to a side as she savoured every bit of it. He kissed her neck and began to pick up speed, her increasing moans being his encouragement.

He didn't understand how he lasted so long. After going so much time without being with a woman, he was afraid he wouldn't take the challenge. Then Rachel climaxed, digging her nails almost painfully on his back. The combination, her final moan, her nails, her walls caressing him, set him too off the edge and he came.

Their bodies lost strenght. He rolled off of her and she looked at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. He looked at her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw it. She turned to the other side and closed her eyes. She felt it as he took a deep breath and left to the bathroom. She wrapped the blanket around herself and closed her eyes again.

After a minute, Ross stepped out of the bathroom. She turned to look at him, blank.

"So, I better go home. Bet your wife's waiting for you." she hissed.

She left the bed wrapped in sheets, picked up her dress from the floor and entered the bathroom, slamming the door. Ross stared after her, guilt slowly tearing him apart. Rachel sobbed once she was alone. She sat down on the toilet and cried. For what she now knew more than ever she had never had.

* * *

Hmm. I'm not gonna say anything. You probably do have something to tell me though, don't you? I know you do :) So leave me a review, please :D See ya! 


	4. Chapter 4

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

Thursday night, Rachel zapped through the channels, barely paying attention to the screen before her. She couldn't settle down. If she did, thoughts of the other night might just drive her to insanity. And she felt close to the edge as it was.

She settled on a random channel once Barry entered the bedroom, loosening his tie and setting his briefcase on the desk by the door. For the past three days, his presence scared her a little. As if he knew.

"I ran into Paul and Jess, they invited us for drinks at their place in one hour."

Rachel looked back at the TV and kept on switching the channels.

"I don't feel like it. Not tonight."

"Oh, you do. 'Cause I've got something that will change your mind." He opened his briefcase and pulled out a piece paper. "It's a new prescription to that crap you like to take." She looked at him. "If you come, of course."

Rachel swallowed hard and exited to her closet. Barry watched her leave and smiled, setting the paper on her side of the bed.

---

Rachel and Barry silently took the elevator down to the 13th floor, home to Paul and Jessica Milange. He was a successful young lawyer, had just made partnership in the office he'd joined since even before graduation - of course, all due great connections - while she was a picture perfect housewife, pearls and all.

Rachel tugged to her shoulder bag and sighed, switching her body weight from one leg to the other. Barry looked at her.

"What's with you these past few days?"

"Nothing!" She replied almost before he could finish his question.

"Geez, that was convincing."

"I've just been tired, that's all."

"Oh yeah, I know how stressful your routine can be, sorry about that." he sarcastically replied, stepping out of the elevator.

Rachel shot his back a dirty look, following his steps. He rang the bell and, a few seconds later, a couple that could've easily had come out of a country side real state add opened the door.

"Hi, welcome!"

"Oh, Rachel, darling, astonishing as always!"

"Thank you, Jess. You look great yourself."

They said their hellos, how are yous and walked into the apartment. Rachel was surprised to see, side by side, Paul and Jess' three children looking at the guests.

"Junior, Bethany and Kim, what do you say?"

"Good evening, Dr. And Mrs. Farber."

Barry smiled at Rachel, but she just kept on staring at the children. Their unhappy looks was very much visible to her and it reminded her of the long exhaustive parties her own parents used to throw, where she and her sisters had played that part one too many times. No, it couldn't fool her.

"Good evening, kids" Barry replied.

Rachel forced a smile and looked at the hosts.

"How sweet."

The couple smiled back.

"Now come on, let's get to those drinks."

They entered the room they had well designed to be a lounge bar sort of place. There was a huge piano on one corner, loads of designer furniture and a glass wall with an expectacular view. All very mundane to Rachel by now.

"So, tell me, Rachel, how are things?" Jess asked taking a seat on a white couch, followed by Rachel. The husbands were by the bar, making the drinks.

"Fantastic. You?"

"Terrific!"

Rachel again forced a smile and wondered if things wouldn't be easier if both just admitted they were miserable. They could confide in each other and together find a way out of this hell. Oh, when had she become such a cynic? Just because she was miserable it didn't mean every married person had to be too. It didn't mean he had to be too.

She forced thoughts of him away. The last thing she needed was that in her mind.

"Oh, I don't know how many times I've said it before, but you've got a lovely home, Jess" Rachel started with the small talk.

"Aw, thank you, Rachel." Jessica looked around. "Did it myself and it's always nice when someone acknowledges it." She looked at Rachel and smiled. "God knows men don't pay attention unless it's all falling apart, isn't that right?"

Rachel politely laughed.

"That's right."

"Anyway, it comes as an even greater compliment coming from a person with such great taste as yourself, Rachel."

"Well, I'll tell you one thing, I didn't decorate our apartment myself."

Rachel again forced a pleasant laughter, being joined by Jess.

"Here you go." Paul and Barry joined them. Barry handed Rachel a glass of wine.

"It's Chilean." he informed her. "They got it in their trip there a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh, really? How did you like it there?"

"Absolutely gorgeous! We stayed in this-"

Jessica's speech was interrupted by Rachel's cell ring.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me."

Rachel got up and opened her tiny bag in search for her cell phone with trembling hands. It could be him. When she finally found the tiny device, she saw Monica's name on the screen and realized there was a thin line between relief and disappointment. She opened it and approached the window, staring at the view as she spoke.

"Hello?"

"Rachel? Hi, it's Monica. Monica Geller."

"Hey, Mon. How are you?"

"I'm OK. Is there a problem, are you OK? I've been calling you for the past few days and you haven't called back, I wondered if maybe something happened?"

"No, no, I'm sorry. I've just been... busy."

"Oh. Is this not a good time?"

"No, don't worry." She turned quickly to glance at Barry, Jess and Paul. "Now's fine."

"OK, I was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow. We could get together on the afternoon and then later I could treat you some dinner at the restaurant, what do you think?"

Rachel looked down.

"I don't know, Mon."

"Why, what's the problem?"

'You're his sister' Rachel thought to herself.

"Hm..."

"Rachel, what's going on?"

"Nothing. How's three o'clock to you? I'll pick you up and then we can go to that spa I told you about." Rachel rubbed her shoulder. "I could use a massage."

"OK then, I'll be waiting!"

The excitement in Monica's voice made Rachel smile weakly. Yet, truthfully.

"See you, honey"

---

Monica moaned loudly and Rachel laughed.

"Do you always make sex noises when you get massaged?"

Monica blushed.

"I'm sorry, I've just been so tired."

The hand on her back pressed harder and Rachel closed her eyes.

"Hm, that's OK."

"Everything's been so crazy at the restaurant. After we got this great review in this magazine we've been full every night for the past three weeks."

Rachel opened her eyes and watched her friend speak so fondly of her work.

"Wow, look at you. Big famous Chef Monica, with a crowded restaurant and everything."

Again, Monica blushed.

"I know, bet you always thought I'd eat my way out of it, huh?"

Rachel laughed.

"Something like that."

They smiled at each other.

-

Rachel zipped up her boots and stood up.

"You ready?"

"Yeah"

They exited the dressing rooms and walked towards the front desk.

"Ah, this always puts me up in a better mood." Rachel commented, brushing her hand through her freshly blow dried hair.

"So this is a constant habit, huh?"

Rachel looked at Monica and felt a pang of hurt. Sure, after all she was just the pet wife, right? Didn't have a job, could spend her husband's money doing whatever she wanted. Had it all easy and free. Right...!

"Not too much, I don't like doing it alone."

They reached the desk and each handed their service and credit cards. Monica glanced at her watch.

"Oh, since it's kinda early and I don't have to be at work for another hour and a half, what do you say about stopping at the coffee house for a second? My fiancée will probably be there, you could meet him."

Rachel froze. There was a great chance Ross would be there too.

"Hm. I-"

"What?"

Rachel looked at Monica. Blank. She couldn't think of any excuse to get out of it. What was she to say, that she had suddenly developed a deathly allergy to coffee?

"Hm, OK, sure."

Monica smiled.

"Here you go" the nice lady from the counter gave them the receipts, which they signed. "Have a good day"

"Thank you, you too" Rachel and Monica said in union.

They stepped out of the building and Rachel gave her valet parking card to the man on the black suit.

"I'll be right back, Ma'am"

Rachel slipped her Chanel bag up her shoulder and turned to Monica, only to find her friend staring at her.

"What?"

Monica smiled.

"Nothing, I'm just... happy for you."

"Huh?"

"You just seem to have gotten everything you've always wanted, right?"

Rachel couldn't speak. So she just nodded, with the faintest of all the smiles she had even worn.

---

Her heart beated fast as they walked towards the coffee shop. Sure enough, she spotted his dark hair as soon as they reached the glass walls. She fought to keep her legs moving towards the door. Monica opened it naturally, entering quickly, and practically skipped her way to the orange couch. Rachel dragged herself behind, fighting to keep her hands off her face, not to hide from the man who'd seen more of her than she'd expected just a few days before.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey! Hello!"

Rachel realized the company of three unknown people. Monica kissed one of the guys. Well, that had to be her fiancé. There was another guy and a blond haired girl who watched Rachel.

"Guys, this is Rachel, we went to high school together. Rachel, this is Joey, Phoebe, my fiancé Chandler and you saw Ross the other day."

Ross finally turned around and noticed her. They looked at each other and were both silent for a while, serious. Rachel broke the contact and looked at the other three.

"H-hi, nice meeting you." yet she couldn't bring herself to smile.

"You smell nice" Chandler commented to Monica as she sat by him.

"Rachel and I went to a spa, we got massages and all that."

"Sure, 'cause where else would you get a massage, huh?" Phoebe shot her a look.

"Come on, Phoebe, she wanted to take me to this place." Monica turned to Rachel. "Oh, honey, sit down." Rachel slowly took the arm chair. "Phoebe here is a masseuse herself."

"Oh, really? That's nice." Rachel couldn't shake off the nervousness off her voice. She kept looking at him from the corner of her eyes. She couldn't help it. He looked so good. She moved slightly on the chair, uncomfortable with the quiet and unnoticed tension that was rising up between them.

"So, what are the plans for the night?" Chandler asked Monica.

"Well, I gotta get to work soon and Rachel's gonna come and I'm gonna treat her some dinner."

"Oh, free dinner? Count me in!"

"Actually, Phoebs, this is-" Monica tried arguing, but was cut by Joey.

"Hm, should I order the steak or that duck I had the other time we were there?"

Monica looked at Rachel, exasperated.

"Well, I guess now you have company."

"Chandler, you coming?" Joey asked.

"Nah, can't, got a few reports to finish."

"Ross?"

Rachel stopped breathing and turned to look at him too. Even though everybody's eyes were on him, he only felt hers.

"Hm, I don't know."

"What's wrong, has the Mrs. been running a tight ship lately?"

Everyone but Ross and Rachel laughed.

"Ha-ha, very funny." he sarcastically commented. He caught Rachel's eyes again, but she quickly looked away. He watched just how uncomfortable looked was and, even though he hated seeing her like that, something told him it was a good kind of discomfort. And it intrigued him. "I, OK, I'll come."

"Great, that should just as well eat away my entire paycheck this month." Monica said.

"Hmmm, maybe the salmon." Joey said, a longing look on his face.

---

Rachel watched Ross on his cell phone, a few steps away from their table, somehow finding a way to ignore Joey and Phoebe's guess-what-the-person-on-the-next-table-is-having game.

"...Monica's restaurant... home late... goodnight to Ben..."

It took him a minute. Maybe not even that long. She noticed the indifference in his voice and guessed the one on the other side of the line must've been just as unenthusiastic. He turned to come back to the table and she looked away.

"No, I bet that's the Mushroom Portobello." Ross took his seat. "Ross, what do you think?"

"Huh?"

"What do you think that lady over there is having?"

"Ah, I don't know. Maybe-"

"Mushroom Portobello, huh?" Joey turned to Phoebe. "See, I told you."

Ross just looked at Phoebe and Joey, already engaged in their conversation.

"Well, that's a good thing they listen to me." he commented and Rachel chuckled. He turned to her, realizing she was listening to him. And, by the way Joey and Phoebe were acting, it was almost as if they were alone together.

Rachel slowly turned her expression back to serious, the silence between them boiling up to a palpable tension.

"They like... games." Ross felt stupid after this statement. He just didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah, I- I can see that."

She looked away and leaned back on her chair, playing with her fork.

"Hey, how are you guys enjoying it so far?"

Rachel turned her head and saw Monica, tall chef hat and all, by their table.

"Oh, hey, Mon. Everything's lovely, thank you."

Ross watched and smiled at the way Rachel was ever so polite.

"Well, I took the liberty to make the orders for all of you, OK? And it should be coming here quicker than usual."

"Something tells me we need to start bringing this Rachel girl more often, here." Joey told Phoebe before turning to look at Rachel. He smiled. "How you doin'?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows, surprised and Ross almost rose with indignation.

"Joey!" Monica was the one who vocalized it. "She's married, you can't do that!"

Rachel looked away again and, this time, so did Ross.

"Oh, sorry."

"Anyway, I'll leave you guys alone now. I'll go and work on your dinner, bon apetit!"

"Thanks."

A small silence followed.

"Would you excuse me, I gotta go and powder my nose."

Rachel stood up and left the table. Ross watched her leave only for a few seconds.

"I'll be right back." He got up and left.

Joey and Phoebe watched they leave with weird looks on their faces. Phoebe gasped.

"Oh, no, Joey!"

"What?"

"They're gonna cheat! They're gonna go to the kitchen and ask Monica what those dishes are!"

Joey gasped with her.

-

Rachel had her hand on the door knob when she heard his voice.

"Rachel!"

She stopped, surprised, and turned to look at him.

"What?"

He caught up with her and both stood in silence, looking at each other. And then he couldn't control it anymore.

He pulled her close and kissed her.

She wanted to pull away, to say he was crazy for kissing her in public. Or at least open her eyes a bit and look around, make sure nobody was watching them. But, after the impact, reason failed. She kissed him back, it was the only thing her body allowed her to do.

After a while, they pulled away. They kept looking at each other and he kinda liked the fragile look she wore.

"I gotta see you again." he said.

She looked around, slowly returning to reality.

"This isn't the place, Ross."

"Hey" She looked at him again. "Please."

She was speechless. That he'd plead her for her presence... It was almost as if she could tell herself he needed her. Almost.

She nodded.

"Okay."

* * *

Well, there you go, another chapter is finished :) I very much hope you liked it and that you like where this is going. Although the story is only beginning ;) Anyway... you guys have been amazing with the kind comments,. Hope they still keep coming 'cause they make my day! So, c'mon, go ahead and leave me a message saying if you liked this installment or not and why :) Mwah, thank you and hope writing a new chapter soon! Bye! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

There's a couple of people I need to thank, so I'm gonna do it now 'cause I'm ashamed I haven't thanked them before. Vero and Audrey, thanks a lot for helping me out with this ;) You guys keep me going! Mwah!

P.S. This chapter is possibly just as "hot" as chapter 3. You've been warned. But, again, nothing too graphic, with excessive description or vulgar vocabulary. I'm trying to capture only the relevant. If you want porn, there are specific websites for that. You can copy and paste and then switch the names to Ross and Rachel. That way, you can even have Mona or whoever else you'd like there.

Not that I do that, I'm just saying. haha!

* * *

Rachel was silently applying moisturizer onto her legs, sitting on the bed. Barry had the t.v. on, but she didn't even notice what it was airing. He chuckled a couple of times. She turned to look at him.

"You're playing racquetball tomorrow morning, right?"

Barry turned to look at her.

"Of course I am. It's what I do every Saturday, isn't it?"

She didn't even mind the way he put things - almost implying she was stupid - anymore.

"OK."

She looked at her watch and sighed, unquiet anticipation filling her.

As if on a cue, her cell rang. She picked it up from her nightstand and smiled at the name on the screen. She looked at Barry, who was chuckling again at the t.v., oblivious to this, and left the room.

"Hey"

"Hi." And she fell in love with the sound of his voice. "Is me calling OK? 'Cause I just wanted to ask if everything was all set for tomorrow?"

She walked into her closet and locked the door.

"It's OK, you can call." She smiled wider. "And yes, everything's settled."

"Good."

"Good."

She paced around, nervously. It felt like she was fourteen all over again. Funny, she didn't recall going into any time machine. But, actually, the irony would be that when she was that young, Rachel hadn't felt this way. She was after all the cool girl who got everything she wanted, all the guys and the whole package. But, for some reason, Ross finally brought that out of her. And she liked it.

"What are you wearing?" she felt herself getting bolder, aroused by the thought of seeing him again the next day.

He chuckled.

"Hm, boxer shorts and a t-shirt." She smiled at her mental picture. "You?"

"A pale blue baby doll."

He took his time to reply and she figured he too was taking a mental picture of her.

"I bet it brings out your eyes."

She smiled wider. It was not exactly the comment she was expecting. It was somehow more flattering. It was sweet. She looked straight at her reflection in the mirror before her. Her cheeks had turned red. And he'd noted it right. The blue of her eyes seemed to successfully seek out for attention, in a way she'd never noticed before. Even though she'd wear that color all the time.

"So, how was your day? I mean, we didn't really get to talk, with the others around and all..."

Rachel paused, surprised by his question.

"It was fine. Monica and I had a good time." She looked at her watch. "Listen... I better go or Barry might get suspicious."

"OK. I'll see you tomorrow."

She smiled.

"Bye."

---

Rachel walked into the hotel lobby and approached the desk with long and confident steps. The dark sunglasses were not removed when she got the clerk's attention.

"Hi. I'm here to meet Ross Geller."

"Oh, yes. He's already waiting, Miss." He turned around to get a magnetic key. "Here, it's room 1206. The elevators are right there on the left."

"Thank you."

-

She stopped by the door and took a moment to herself. She sighed and opened her purse, taking a tiny mirror from it. She looked at herself, finally removing her glasses. Golden.

She knocked lightly and inserted her card. The door opened.

Ross was pouring champaign into two long glasses, right next to a bowl full of strawberries. He looked up and smiled at her.

"Hey."

"Hi." she replied, surprised.

"I know it's a little early for champaign, but..."

Rachel closed the door and stared at it again, almost in awe. She knew if she ever said yes to the indecent proposals Barry's friends made to her all the time, they would shower her with nothing but the best. Yet she knew it would only be to prove themselves. But Ross... She could tell this was different.

She grasped to that thought with both hands.

She walked up to him and took both glasses.

"Then we'll save it for later."

She set them on the table, next to the ice bucket. Ross watched how she teased him, moving very close to him, touching him slightly as she took the glasses, how she looked at him when she spoke and then casually walked away. She removed her coat, still with her back turned to him, and revealed a pale blue shirt, very low on the back.

Ross swallowed hard.

She turned back to face him. She threw her coat and purse on the couch.

"Well, I was right. The color does bring out your eyes."

She smiled.

He approached her and they kissed softly. So softly she barely heard any sound when their lips parted. They kept their arms around each other and locked gazes.

"I guess it's become inevitable now, huh?"

He felt a hint of fear in her voice. A fear he too couldn't deny.

"I'm afraid so."

She looked away briefly. Then she looked back at him and smiled. They kissed again.

Before they could get too carried away, though, she broke the kiss. She took his hand and led him to the couch, making him sit down. He did so with no questioning. She approached the table and took a quick sip of the champaign, she would need it.

She turned back to him and smiled weakly.

Without further hesitation, she started undressing. Ross watched her fragile figure and just somehow knew there was a meaning to it. He didn't know what it was, but felt flattered he'd chosen him to share it with her.

And his gratitude wasn't just for his fun on the part.

After she finished, she stood before him, naked. Ross looked straight into her eyes. And he didn't have to tell her she was beautiful. Even though she hadn't felt much sexy before he came along, she just had to look into his eyes and she felt it, instantly.

She got down to her knees and began undressing him. He breathed heavier and swallowed hard when he realized what she was doing. Carol was never a fan of plain sex, let alone anything oral. (If he knew the irony on that...!)

He threw his head back and closed his eyes. After a while he opened them again and watched her. It wasn't as dirty as a regular mind would've pictured it. He couldn't help but allow his heart to fill up a little more with feelings for her. As dangerous as those might've been.

She looked up at him and the meeting of their eyes threw him off the edge.

"Oh, I'm gonna come, Rach." Ross whispered.

She pulled away and reached for tissues in her purse, handing them to him.

"Thanks."

She stood up and walked to the table again, drinking the rest of the champaign in her glass and giving him some privacy. After a while, he joined her too, hugging her from behind. He planted a few kisses on her shoulder, while his hand softly stroked her flat stomach.

"Come here"

He turned her around and they smiled weakly at each other. He took a strawberry from the bowl and put it between his teeth, kissing her. Rachel laughed and took her half, kissing him back on the process. She chewed and swallowed, smiling at him.

"That was so cheesy, Ross."

"It felt like the thing to do..." he said in a way she could only describe as adorable.

She kissed him and they fell together onto the bed. And made love until her toes curled.

Rachel collapsed on top of him, exhausted, breathing hard. He threw his arms around her, determined to avoid what had happened the last time they'd been together. She wasn't gonna run away so easily.

But, to his surprise, she seemed comfortable this time and made herself at home, adjusting herself properly. And their bodies fit. Every curve was filled with the other's. And her face went perfectly on the nape of his neck.

"That was amazing." she told him and kissed his chest.

"It really was."

He smiled proudly. He loved the way he put her up. It might seem silly, but Carol never spoke to him that way after they'd had sex. At least he didn't remember so. 'Oh, it's been such a long time now' he thought.

As the beautiful silence rose, she got him thinking. On a daily basis, would she put him up over everything? Over a published work, an award, father's day... He imagined her beaming up with pride for him. He liked to think she would.

They laid lazily in silence for a long time. When she felt her eyelids getting heavy, she spoke.

"What time is it?"

"Twelve twenty five."

"I gotta get going soon."

He nodded.

A brief silence followed again, before she started getting up. He made a few complaining noises and she laughed.

"I'm going for a shower. Care to join me?"

He smiled.

---

Ross entered his apartment wearing a goofy grin. He was afraid it would rise up any suspicion on Carol, but he just couldn't shake it off. First person he noticed, though, was Ben, watching t.v. on the living room. The little boy looked up at his father and smiled.

"Hey, dad!"

"Hey, son."

Ross kissed the top of his head.

"Where you at work? I woke up and you weren't here."

"No, I just- I went to meet a friend, that's all."

Carol entered the room, holding a plate with pizza snacks for Ben.

"Oh, there you are." she said.

"Hey."

"Have you had lunch yet?"

"No."

"Well, I've just finished putting everything away and-"

Her irritated tone made him close his eyes a bit.

"OK, OK, Carol, that's fine. I'll fix myself something, don't worry."

Carol looked at him for a while.

"OK then. Here you go, Ben."

"Thanks, mom."

Carol turned to leave the room, but stopped herself before she could reach the door.

"Oh, and by the way, Monica called. She said your parents have just decided to throw her and Chandler an engagement part next Saturday at their place."

"Oh. OK."

Carol left. Ben turned to Ross.

"Can I go too, dad? Please, please-please-please?"

Ross smiled at his son, his big brown eyes, just like his own, filled with innocence.

"Sure you can, son."

Ben smile mischievously.

"Mom, see? Dad said I could come!" Ben shouted, running towards the room.

Ross closed his eyes, realizing Carol hadn't let their little boy go. Well, that sure would earn him a big fight. He sighed and started preparing for it.

-

Rachel laughed the hardest that day. She sat with her friends on a trendy restaurant, shining so brightly her friends all noticed.

"Hey, what's up with you?" one of them asked.

"Yeah, you look... I don't know, radiant today."

"Well, thank you." she graciously replied.

"So, what's the secret? Care to share?"

Rachel smiled wide.

"Sex." she allowed herself to say. They would all figure it was sex with Barry, anyway.

The girls laughed.

"Ah, I wish Liam still made me feel that way."

All the personal notes from her friends muffled the two first rings of her phone. But at the third, Rachel picked it up, smiling at Monica's name.

"Hey, Mon!"

"Hi, Rach, how are you?"

"Fantastic! You?"

"Can't complain. Listen, I'm calling 'cause my parents have decided to throw Chandler and me an engagement party, just for a few close friends. I know it's a little close to be calling to invite you, but they've just decided it. It's gonna be on Saturday at their place. Can you come?"

"Oh, of course, sweetie, I would love to."

"Oh, great! My parents are dying to meet Barry. And quite honestly, so am I."

Rachel's smile faded when she saw the scenario before her. Barry would be there. And Ross would too. With his wife. It had happened before, yes, just the previous weekend. But it had been different back then. Way different.

"Hm. Right. Of course." she ran her hand through her hair. "Of course he'll be there."

"Thank you, Rach. I'll call later with more information, OK? I can tell you're busy right now, from all the noise."

"OK. Thanks for the invitation."

"Thanks for accepting it. Bye, sweetie."

"Bye, Mon."

Rachel hung up and sighed.

* * *

Tah-dah. It took longer 'cause my classes started again. It's gonna start taking even longer for me to post new chapters, so be patient, please. I'll still try getting them out as soon as I can. Now, please, post me a comment and tell me what you thought :) Thanks for reading! Oh, and don't worry. I'm avoiding the greater clichés in this story. You might know what I'm talking about (wink-wink). 


	6. Chapter 6

**Beautiful Release  
**by Tina

First of all, I wanna answer a review, which I don't usually do. Not because I don't want to. Believe me, I see what you guys have to tell me and I feel like replying each one of you, 'cause you're the best! Hee. But I would waste too much time doing that...! I wanna answer this one just 'cause I feel like I have to.

So maybe I should have developed this bit a little more and tried to explain what it meant. Just maybe. I just sometimes can't quite figure out what people will get from the actions and what I have to actually explain. I don't like over explaining things, so I usually leave them very subtle so people can unfold the meanings and realize what's going on in the character's mind. The part I'm referring to is the oral sex bit on the previous chapter.

Rachel pulled away and walked away, yes. Why? It's very simple. Let's face it, they barely know each other. They might be attracted to each other and all, but this Rachel is smart enough not to... make it too personal, not to use another word. It's an affair. How many people now a days get sick from unprotected sex? And in case you guys have forgotten, oral sex is still sex. And, again, the barely know each other. Meaning they don't have enough intimacy. I don't see that Rachel sticking around for all of it. She had trouble doing it to begin with.

So I don't think what she did was "messed up". Ross is a big boy and he can deal with their bumpy start. It's bound to get better. Anyway, I just had to say that. Hope everyone bought it and don't think "less" of Rachel for that. Just focus on this particular Rachel I've created. If you understand her (which doesn't mean you have to agree with her), you shall be fine.

Alright, enough chit-chat! Here we go... ;) Just wanna say this chapter is not a big deal, just stuff I need to write for the sake of the story, give it a nice balance. It'll pick up next chapter, OK?

* * *

Monday morning, Ross couldn't concentrate on his work. He read the same paragraph for the 4th time and by the middle of it he knew he'd have to give it another try. Thoughts of Rachel clouded his mind, made it nearly impossible for any thing else to cross his busy head. He stared at his phone and wondered if he should call her. Maybe he'd been thinking about her too much. What did it mean? Were his feelings for her developing into something more? He shook his head. He honestly couldn't say they knew each other. Therefore, his feelings had to be completely shallow, flat, physical.

Hm, physical. He thought of their last encounter and took a deep breath.

Yet, he longed to call. And what physical contact could they have, over a tiny machine that would merely reproduce their voices? Her voice. Ross bit his lip and picked up the phone.

Rachel was in her closet, practically her home. She had a white lounge chair in the middle of the room and it was covered with different outfits. Rachel took a hanger from one of the countless racks and stared at the outfit it bore. It was a very sexy chic black dress, very Chanel. She took a deep breath and threw it on the pile.

Her cellphone rang. She walked over to the dresser, where one of her bags rested. She opened it and took her phone, smiling when she saw whose name flashed on the screen.

"Hey" she answered.

"Hi." He laid back on his chair. "How are you?"

"I'm good." She started pacing around, giddy. "You?"

"Great, I'm great."

Rachel looked at her clothes scattered around the room, ran a hand through her hair and stopped walking, getting back to reality.

"Listen, Ross, there's something you should know."

"What?" She clearly read concern on his voice.

"Well, you know how Monica is throwing this party on saturday, right?"

"Yeah..." He said, knowing where this was going. "So she invited you and Barry?"

"Yes." She paused for a second. "I mean, is that OK?"

"Sure, of course."

"Yeah..." she started pacing around again, uncomfortable "She just said your parents really wanted to meet him and- and she does too, so... I don't think there's a way of getting out of it, without looking... suspicious. Or, I don't know, unless... if you feel weird, I could-"

"No, I mean-" he cut her. "Why-why would I?" Rachel stopped walking again, hurting a little bit. "Right?" he asked, uncertain himself.

"Right." She repeated. "No, of course, you're right."

"We'll just act casual."

"I can do that" she said, looking down.

"Good."

She sighed. He looked down, really uncomfortable with what had just happened. Yes, it would be horrible to see Rachel with that loser she had for a husband. But... what was he to do? Tell her that and expose himself even more? Expose he did have greater feelings for her, when their thing had just started? She probably didn't feel the same way, anyway. And he would not stand being looked down at, with pity. Not from her.

"Is that all?" she asked, a little short.

"Hm, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Can you... meet me for lunch somewhere?"

Rachel paused and looked down. Lunch-lunch or sex-lunch?

"No. Sorry, I can't today."

"OK." He looked down. "We'll catch up some other time, then. Bye."

"Bye." Her reply came softly.

Rachel closed her flip phone and took a seat next to her clothes, a little angry at herself for her behavior. She was never that cruel with anyone. As irritated as she could get, she always managed to find an extra batch of patience and act as graceful as a true lady was supposed to. Well, at least she always did, even with Barry. Oh, most of the time she didn't even care, anyway. It was easy to let things go when you didn't.

Suddenly, why was it different with Ross?

Simple logic could answer that question. But she chose to let it go.

---

"Hey, guys." Ross propped himself onto the couch, next to Phoebe and Joey. Chandler was on the armchair to the right.

"Oh, you don't look so good." Phoebe commented.

Ross shot her a look, half annoyed and half defeated.

"Geez, thanks."

"No, I mean, you look tired. Been working much?"

"Yeah, work's starting to pile up at the museum and I've been teaching a few extra classes 'cause one of the other professors has been away, so..."

"Why don't you go home, man?" Chandler commented, sincerely concerned. "As comfortable as this couch is..." he rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Ah..." Ross looked around. "Nah, I'll stay here for a while. I'll just order a tea or something."

"Things still bad at home?" Joey asked carefully.

Ross looked at him and looked down. Phoebe and Chandler also turned their full attention to their friend.

"Well, yeah." He took a deep breath.

The friends exchanged looks.

"Hm, haven't you ever... maybe... considered all the options?"

Ross looked up at Chandler.

"You mean a divorce?"

Chandler almost flinched at that word, being himself a child of a broken marriage.

"Well, it is one of the options. I mean... it's been a while you guys have been having problems." He paused. "Or you could try some counseling."

"She won't do it, I've talked to her about that."

"So what are you gonna do?" Phoebe wanted to know.

"I don't know. For now, I'll just wait."

Phoebe hugged her friend while Joey patted him on the back. Chandler gave him a supportive look. At that moment, the door opened and Monica stepped inside.

"Hey."

They greeted her back. She went to sit on the arm of Chandler's chair.

"Well, I've called everybody, it seems like most people are gonna be able to make it."

"Great."

"Have you got a word back from your parents?"

Chandler moved uncomfortable on his seat.

"I'll let you know when I do."

"OK." She turned to everybody else. "So, what are you guys up to?"

"Not much." Ross answered. The others caught the drift and didn't say a word of what they were previously talking about. He probably just didn't want to worry his sister, they figured.

"Oh, Rachel also said she's gonna be there. Did you guys like her?"

"Oh, yeah, she was very nice. Although, have to say, her aura seemed a little disturbed that day."

Monica decided to ignore Phoebe's last remark.

"She was truly my best friend in high school. I mean, we'd known each other for a long time and then I got fat, she got popular, and yet she would still hang out with me and take me to places. I'll never forget that."

"So why did you guys drift apart?"

"Ah, you know, college... We had completely different schedules and then suddenly it's like we completely different lives. Kinda like high school, yes, but... I don't know. Hopefully we'll keep in touch this time. I mean, we both live in the city, we both have mostly the days off and stuff." Monica paused and then chuckled. "Hey, remember how you had a crush on her, Ross?"

Ross, who'd been stiff since the beginning of this conversation, looked at Monica and chuckled nervously.

"No, I didn't."

"Oh, please." Chandler started. "Freshmen year of college, she was all you could talk about."

"Can't blame ya." Joey said. "She is hot! If it wasn't for that ring on her finger..."

"Joey!" Monica disapproved him.

"What? I just said I won't do anything."

"You better."

Ross looked away, every passing second making him more uncomfortable.

"I wonder what her husband's like." Monica thought out loud.

"I'll tell you one thing, he's not cheap. That bag she was wearing didn't look fake at all!" Everybody shot Joey a questioning look. "What, I have seven cheap sisters, I know my stuff!"

---

Rachel played with her "happy" pill, letting it slide down her hand and back up, before taking it. She walked into her white marble bathroom and pulled the plug of the bath she'd just used. She walked to the sink and splashed some water on her face. She looked at her tired eyes, as if waiting for the effects to kick in. Soon they would almost sparkle again.

She gave up, it would still be a while.

She walked into her closet and saw the mess she'd made earlier that day. She should've asked Dalva to clean it up, but she'd forgotten. Slowly, she started putting the hangers back where they belonged. After she was done, she looked around and seemed to finally realize how big it was. She sat on the white chair and wondered if she'd ever even worn some of those outfits.

And what were they for? What did the labels say? Why did they matter so much?

She felt tiny.

Empty.

Added up, piece by piece, how much had she spent on all of that? She looked at her bag rack, at least 300 dollars each. At least. One could say you spend that much because you're buying quality. Maybe true. But why did she need six Louis Vuitton bags, one of which she was almost sure she hadn't even used yet? And the suits, the jewels, the shoes. So many of those, some so similar to one another. So much sometimes she thought she couldn't even tell the difference between them.

And who had paid for all of that, again?

Rachel looked down. By doing so, she realized there were many shopping bags almost hidden under the dresser. She walked up to them and recognized them from the day she'd gone shopping with Monica. The day she'd first been with Ross. She unpacked them and shook her head slightly. She hadn't even missed any of this. Why would she? She didn't need them, anyway.

She glanced at the receipt, which still laid in the bags. An awful too much for something you don't need.

She remembered how Barry never once complained about her shopping sprees. She took a seat and thought about it. Inevitably, it led to an even greater topic, their marriage.

First of all, why were they married? It was a question she didn't recall making herself back when they wedded. He did his thing, she did hers. He went to work and owned them a good life standard. She stayed home, watched for their house. It was always impeccablely clean. After all, bossing a maid wasn't so challenging. He was the money and she was the looks. She could spend, he would pay.

As long as she looked great, acted like a lady and put out once in a while.

She looked down. She felt cheap, even in her 400 dollars nightgown.

Rachel dragged herself to bed. She blinked slowly and sighed blissfully as she started feeling conscience slip out of her. She smiled and enjoyed the numbness. It was welcoming. It was quiet. Peaceful.

Suddenly, she felt happy. Or she thought she did. Oh, what did it matter? It was so good. She looked at her watch, Barry would be home any time now. Quickly, she grabbed her phone and dialed.

"Hi..." she practically purred. "I'm sorry we couldn't meet up today, but... can you make it tomorrow?"

Ross turned away from the gang and closed his eyes.

"I'll find a way."

She smiled.

"Good night!" she whispered and hung up.

* * *

OK, another chapter is done. It's kinda short, yes, but I promise the next one will be way longer. I really don't have much to say now, just... same as always, please leave a review so I can see how you're following this up :) Thanks for much for reading and see ya next chapter! 


	7. Chapter 7

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

_"The moth don't care when he sees the flame  
He might get burned but he's in the game  
And once he's in he can't go back  
And beat his wings 'til he burns them black"_

As Barry parked the Porsche, Rachel glanced over her window to the house she could have almost called her own in the past. A house that bore so many memories of her childhood and adolescent years, where she'd gone to countless times when she needed a friend and a family to welcome her to Thanksgiving dinners or dull afternoons after school. A house she was now ashamed she hadn't been to in God knows how many years.

They stepped out of the car and she fixed her dress. It was a brown Burberry down to her knees, gracefully cut on her chest on an U shape, with a small tidy bow under her breasts. She walked in front of her husband, a little eager, a little scared. She wondered how Jack and Judy were. What would they say when they saw her again? What would they say when they met Barry? Oh, if they knew what she and their son were up to... Rachel looked down at her feet as she approached the doorway. She knew Jack and Judy had not raised their son for such behavior.

She ran a hand through her hair and stopped by the door. She looked back and found Barry staring at her.

"What?"

"What's different?" he kept looking at her trying to figure it out himself.

Rachel shifted uncomfortable at the way he looked at her. She could almost feel his hard on coming and the thought of it made her a little sick. She crossed her arms around herself and stroked her arms gently.

"I went to a tanning place, that must be it."

"Must be."

To avoid looking at him again, Rachel rang the doorbell. A couple of seconds later, Monica opened the door.

"Rachel! Hi, sweetie!"

They hugged tight.

"Hey, Mon."

"I'm so glad you made it."

"Of course. I said I would, didn't I?" They broke the hug. "Hm, this is Barry." she motioned over to her husband. "Barry, this is Monica."

"Hi, nice meeting you." Monica said with a genuine smile.

Barry nodded and Rachel felt a little frustrated. He could try a little harder. After all, she always did in the dumb parties he always made her go to.

"Yeah, you too." He finally replied.

"Well, come in."

They entered the house. Rachel looked at Barry and was again annoyed by the look in his eyes. They wandered around the simple yet cozy living room. She knew it wasn't at all what Barry was used to, but that didn't have to mean anything negative. At all. Unfortunately, she knew him better than that and could perfectly read what was going on in his mind. In a way, she wish she didn't, for she took the insult personally.

"Mom, Dad, look who's here! It's Rachel!"

She looked back and saw Judy and Jack approaching. They still looked the same, she noticed. Sure, her hair seemed a little brighter and his was now dark gray. And, well, the clothes adjusted to the current fashion sense. But Rachel knew they were still the same. Kind hearted, caring, simple.

She smiled.

"My- Rachel, darling, hi!"

Judy took the liberty to hug her. Rachel hugged her back.

"Hi, Mrs. Geller!" Judy broke the hug and shot Rachel a look. "Judy."

"Better." She looked over at Barry. "So is this the lucky man?"

"Yes, this is Barry. Barry, Judy and Jack Geller. Monica's parents."

"Hi, nice meeting you."

"So, Monica tells us you're a dentist." Jack started.

"Actually, I'm an orthodontist."

"Oh, 'cause I was wondering if maybe you could take a lo-"

"Dad" Monica cut him. "Not now, please."

"Well, alright. But when the infection begins, I'll have no one else to blame!"

"I'll take full responsibility" she said, rolling her eyes at Rachel, who was smiling. Rachel looked at Barry and fought the urge to reprimand him for wearing that face he did. Laughing inside at these people she now realized she so deeply cared about.

Monica escorted them to the sitting area.

"Here, take a seat." They did so, on a couch. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

"Hm, I'll take a Martini." Rachel replied.

"OK, Barry?"

"Scotch on the rocks."

"Sure, I'll be right back, with Chandler."

Monica left them alone. Rachel looked around, but didn't see any familiar face. It felt so weird. Rachel wasn't used to the fact Monica knew different people now, that she had this whole new life she didn't know much about. It sure used to be the other way around in high school.

"What do you say we make this short and be home by ten?"

Rachel turned to look at Barry.

"What? No!"

"Why not?" He asked almost surprised she had denied him something.

"Because this means something to me, OK?" Before he could interfere her speech and make it sound and clear that that didn't mean anything to him, she continued. "And I always do this for you."

"Oh, let's face it, Rach" he looked around. "I've never done THIS to you."

Rachel's eyes became very thin, filled with anger.

"Here you go, Rach. And here's Chandler."

Rachel turned back and saw Monica and Chandler. She forced a smile and took her drink.

"Thank you. Hey Chandler, how are you?"

"Hi, Rachel. I'm doing good, it's a lovely evening, isn't it?"

Monica beamed at Rachel, looking extremely proud.

"He hasn't made a joke all night!"

Rachel chuckled.

"Here," Monica took Rachel's hand. "Phoebe's in the kitchen, we're finishing desert. Wanna come and help? I'll let you sit and watch."

"Sounds like my kind of help" Rachel joked herself.

"Chandler will make Barry company, won't you, honey?"

"Sure. Nice and joke-free!"

Chandler turned to look at Barry and went stiff. How was he supposed to go through that without the magic ice breaker he called sarcasm?

Rachel walked towards the kitchen with Monica. As her friend opened the door, Rachel looked around one more time and caught his eyes. For a slight second. She could have sworn he even smiled at her, briefly. A special smile, just for her.

But then Monica rushed her inside and she wasn't sure anymore. She wasn't even sure if she'd really seen him in the first place.

"Hey, Rachel!" Phoebe exclaimed from her spot by the table, where she was decorating a cake with pink icing.

"Hi, Phoebe." Rachel smiled.

"Phoebe's giving me a cake for a present."

"Oh, it's a special cake!"

Monica's eyes suddenly widened.

"Oh my God! You didn't put pot in there, did you?"

Rachel laughed, until she realized the panic in Monica's voice was real.

"No, dummy!" Phoebe rolled her eyes.

"Oh, phew." Phoebe winked at Rachel, who looked horrified. Monica shot them a look. "Phoebe!"

Phoebe laughed.

"I'm only kidding."

The door suddenly opened and Rachel froze when she stared at the faces who entered.

"But mommy, why can't I have that?"

"I've told you, Ben, you're allergic just like your father, you're gonna feel sick. Do you want that to happen?"

Ben looked pouty.

"No."

"Then here we go, there's nothing I can do." She turned to Monica. "Monica, is there anything I can give Ben for now while dinner isn't served? He's hungry but all we have left outside are those snacks with peanuts in them."

"Sure, we can fix something here, let me see." Monica opened the fridge. She then glanced back and Rachel, stiff as a rock, and back at Carol and Ben. "Carol, that's Rachel. She was my high school friend. Rachel, I don't think you've met Ross' wife yet. And that's his son."

"Oh" Carol began, looking at Rachel. "Hi."

"Hey. Hm, nice meeting you."

Rachel noticed the way Ben glanced over at her, in so many ways so much like his father, but then turned his head away, uninterested. But Carol's gaze lingered. She looked at Rachel for a while, suspiciously. Rachel almost stopped breathing.

"Haven't we met before?"

Rachel thought of the party.

"I, I can't say I recall it."

"Yeah, yeah, at the Roberts 25th anniversary, just a few weeks ago. Weren't you there?"

"I was." Rachel couldn't see a way out. "Sorry, I have a really horrible memory for faces."

"Don't worry about it."

Monica turned to them.

"That's funny. Was Ross there too?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, he knows Rachel. Isn't it funny how he didn't see her either?"

"It's a huge apartment they have." Rachel nervously said it. "Besides, we hadn't seen each other in a million years, Mon."

"Must be." Monica considered. "Anyway, here we go Ben, how's some chips?"

"Awesome!" the little boy exclaimed, owning him smiles.

"Thanks, Mon." With that, Carol left with Ben.

Rachel exhaled and looked up in time to see Monica and Phoebe looking after Carol, making sure she was gone.

"So, do you have any news on how things are with her and Ross?" Phoebe asked Monica.

"I don't know, he hasn't talked about it in a while."

Rachel stood in silence, just listening.

"Oh, you weren't there the other day when we got him to talk... He said things aren't much better really, but he doesn't know what to do."

"Oh, poor thing..." Monica said softly, thinking of her brother. She then looked at Rachel. "It's just that Ross and Carol have been having problems with their marriage for a while now."

Rachel crossed her arms and faked surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He said they haven't even slept together for like months now."

Rachel thought for a moment, truly interested now.

"Really?"

"I know, it's been a long time." Monica began. "I don't know how he does it. I know most couples slow down on their sex lives after marriage, but this is ridiculous. I just hope it doesn't happen to Chandler and me."

Rachel smiled weakly at her.

"So how is it like with you and your husband? Is the fire still going?" Phoebe joked.

Rachel almost laughed out loud. Fire?

"We... we have sex, if that's what you wanna know." Rachel chuckled, managing to make all that sound actually cute. She always found a way to say the truth in a way that made it seem different than reality.

"Well..." Monica started again. "All I have to say is he must really love her." Rachel looked at Monica. "I don't see why he would stick around like that if he didn't."

"But there's Ben too. It's more complicated than that." Phoebe reminded her.

"Still. I know my brother, he's such a hopeless romantic. If he hasn't given up after everything she's putting him through, then it's because he loves her and sees a way out of this, eventually. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see and accept whatever decision they make."

"Whatever's the best for him" Phoebe shook her head, focusing on the pink heart she was finally finishing drawing around Chandler and Monica's names.

Rachel swallowed dry, fighting to keep her breath at a normal pace.

-

Ross watched him from a good distance, near the drinks. Chandler seemed to unsuccessfully try some small talk, but Ross' guess was that Barry hadn't been paying attention to anything he'd said for the last fifteen minutes. Without the slightest concern of being polite, he'd even glanced at his watch about four times. Ross couldn't prevent frustration to fill him.

Chandler stood up and approached his friend, making a face.

"Damn it, what's wrong with that man?"

Ross looked away briefly and tried to act cool, while Chandler started fixing himself a drink.

"Is that Rachel's husband?"

"Yeah. I don't get what she sees in him."

Ross watched Barry for a moment.

"How about his account balance?"

Chandler stared at his friend.

"Geez, that's harsh. Do you really think she'd stay married just for the money? I mean, I know it happens, but do you think Rachel would do it?"

Ross turned to glance at Chandler, knowing he was only speaking up because he was upset.

"I don't know. I don't know her."

Chandler looked at Ross, confused by his seriousness.

"Yeah, me neither."

Silence rose, along with this unexpected tension. Chandler looked at his drink.

"Well, OK, I guess break time is over for me. Back to hell it is." Chandler stopped himself. "That was not a joke!"

Ross looked at him uninterestedly and watched as his friend joined Barry again. After some consideration, he followed.

-

After dinner, Rachel sat next to Barry as he chatted with the one person he'd found slightly interesting in the party, one of Monica's friends' boyfriend who was a fairly successful lawyer for his age. Barry moved one hand to rest on Rachel's tanned leg and she looked at it, bothered. But didn't remove it.

She turned her head slightly and spotted Ross and Carol across the room. She was sitting down, holding a sleeping Ben while he was up, talking to her. They talked. Rachel looked down, it was more than she could say about Barry and herself, despite the fact they had a rather active sex life. But what did it matter anyway when on the long run that was all they had?

She watched them again. She couldn't help it.

Carol looked down at Ben and Rachel saw the smile Carol let escape. And, as Rachel noticed, so did Ross. She watched with a pang of hurt the way he smiled down at his wife and Ben. Carol then leaned closer to plant a kiss on her son's forehead. Locks of her golden hair fell on her face and Rachel almost lost her breath and Ross tucked them back behind her ear.

Rachel looked away. She started playing with her own hair and looked at it. The color she was using wasn't that different from Carol's. Uneven thoughts entered her mind, yet somehow they made sense for her. She rubbed her temples, emotionally drained. She suddenly really wished Phoebe's cake did have marijuana in them. Maybe who knows that way this would bother her less.

Well, she could remedy that. She stood up and made herself another martini.

_"The moth don't care if the flame is real  
'Cause flame and moth got a sweetheart deal  
And nothing fuels a good flirtation  
Like need and anger and desperation"_

* * *

Hm, this was gonna be longer, but then I realized I would be repeating myself if I added more to it. Or rushing some other stuff I wanna talk about here. So, for now, this will be it. Please leave me a review, pretty please? ;) Thanks for reading! Oh, and the "s are from a song, "The Moth" by Aimee Mann :) Gotta love her. Also, I realize this doesn't read very well, but this was the only way I could write it, at the present moment. A lot of stuff is getting in the way of my writing, so I'm posting whatever I can so I'll move along either way. I'm afraid if I leave it, I won't finish it. And also, I think I'll do better in the next few chapters, this was a tricky one. I didn't want too much drama, so... 


	8. Chapter 8

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

"Are you sure, Rachel, darling?"

"Yes, go ahead."

Sasha, Rachel's faithful hairdresser for the past five years, looked at Monica and then back at Rachel, unsure.

"But you were here just two weeks ago to get those roots taken care of!"

"Well, then I guess maybe I won't have to worry about that anymore, huh?"

Sasha let go of her golden hair and stared at her through the mirror.

"I guess the bitchy brunette is already starting to stir up in you." Rachel smirked. Sasha looked at Monica again. "Honey, I know you're a brunette, it suits you and all, but will you help me out here?"

Monica laughed at Sasha. He was a very tall man, very white skin, neatly trimmed strawberry blond hair. A thick german accent and very out there gay gestures.

"I don't know, I think it'll turn out very good."

Sasha shot her a look.

"Honey, you're not helping!"

Rachel chuckled. Monica stood up and looked at Rachel's hair.

"Gotta say though, it's gonna be a hell of a change. But I do remember you with darker hair in high school and it looked good."

"Yeah. I guess I want it just like that, maybe darker though! And without the red! Just plain dark brown. You got that?" She looked at Sasha, who was finally coming to accept her decision.

"Fine, whatever. I'll go get everything ready."

He turned around to leave, but turned around after two steps.

"How about some high lights?"

"What is it with you and blond hair?" Rachel shot him a look.

He mumbled something in german on his way out. Rachel giggled and looked at Monica.

"That's just PMS, never mind him."

Monica laughed.

"So, any occasion for the change?"

Rachel sighed.

"Nope, I just wanna try it on." She ran her hand through her bright hair. "I think Sasha exaggerated last time I came here. He wanted to try a lighter tone and this is what he gave me. I was thinking I could go with the honey color, but... I wanna try the brunette look first."

Monica smiled and played with her hair jokingly.

"Well, then welcome to the club!"

Rachel smiled at her. As the silence followed, she looked at the reflection before her and wondered how she'd look like. Wondered how he would react to the change. OK, so maybe she'd hear a few complains from Barry, but that was a price she was willing to pay.

She was eager to see what would happen next, as if that would prove her anything. 'Well, at least it will make me a little more different than... her.', Rachel thought. And, for now, that was enough. It was enough to know it would be harder for him to picture her whenever they were together. She could use that as a reasurement. Maybe it would make it feel better. Just maybe.

'Cause ever since she'd known about his marital problems with Carol, that thought never left her mind. And it took away some of the magic of the times they'd been together. God knows her thoughts were very far from her husband on such moments. But now she realized it bothered her she couldn't say the same about him.

---

At every red traffic light, Rachel adjusted her mirror to look at herself again, satisfied.

"I'm sorry, I know it's getting annoying. I just can't help it!" She ran her fingers through her dark hair. "It just looks so much better than I pictured it."

"It does, it looks really great. Do you feel smarter yet?" Monica joked.

Rachel shot her a look.

"Ha-ha" she said, sarcastically, putting the mirror back to its normal position as the car in front of her moved. "So, what are the plans for the rest of the day?"

"Ah, Chandler and I gotta go and have lunch with my parents. How about you?"

Rachel smiled to herself.

"Hm, nothing much. Gonna try and set up something with a special friend."

"Right. Well, have fun!"

"Thanks, you too."

Rachel's car reached the Bedford and Grove corner and double parked, briefly.

"Thanks for keeping me company, honey."

"Don't worry, it was kinda fun. Gotta say though, most expensive pedicure in Manhattan."

"Oh, it'll last up to three weeks if you let it."

Monica laughed.

"Alright, so it's a magical pedicure."

"Something like that."

They kissed each other on the cheek goodbye.

"Bye, honey."

"See ya."

Monica hopped off the car and Rachel watched her leave. Once she was out of sight, she opened her bag and got her cellphone.

-

In his office at the museum, Ross was in the middle of a phone call with his assistant from NYU, his temper rising. The pile of papers to be graded in front of him somehow didn't seem to be getting any smaller. He glanced at his watch, it seemed he would have to lose all of his lunch break, again, to deal with his work.

There was a knock at his door.

"Hold on, Nick, just a sec." he put the phone down to rest on his shoulder. "Come in."

A twenty something woman peeked inside.

"Hi, Dr. Geller, Dr. Liam just wanted to make sure you remembered the meeting later this afternoon. He also asked me to remind you of the visual aid that needs to be picked up."

Ross sighed.

"Sure, OK. Thanks."

The door closed again and Ross returned to his phone call.

"So, Nick, you were saying..."

As the student resumed his speech, Ross heard his cellphone ring. He took it from his pocket, determined to shut it off and call whoever it was back later, or maybe not, when he saw the name on the screen. He smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry, Nick, I'll be right back again." He put the phone down and answered his cell. "Hey."

"Hi." Rachel said sweetly.

"What are you up to?" he allowed himself to rest back on his chair.

"Well... since you've asked...! I've got a surprise for you" she teased him.

"Really? I like surprises."

She smiled, playing with the driving wheel.

"So can you meet me for lunch?" she asked.

His smile faded.

"I can't, I'm sorry."

Her smile also disappeared.

"Oh."

"I'm absolutely buried in work, I'm sorry." He paused, but she didn't say anything. "How about we meet up for dinner or something?"

"I can't." she said quietly.

He sighed.

"I'm sorry" he said for the third time.

Rachel looked out her window, feeling rejected.

"That's OK. We'll try and work something out later, I gotta go."

She hung up before he could say anything. He sighed and looked down. He knew it was silly of Rachel to get upset over that, it wasn't his fault, there was nothing he could do. But still, he felt a little protective of her... And it hurt him a little to know he'd made her feel bad. He knew he had. Besides... if anything, it also made him feel a little flattered to know she really wanted to see him.

He suddenly remembered he had someone on hold and work to do.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Continue."

---

"Rachel!"

Rachel looked over and saw Lisa and Julianne on the ellipse machines at the gym, right next to each other. She smiled weakly.

"Hey, girls."

"Oh my God, what have you done to your hair?"

Rachel played with her pony tail.

"Like it?"

"Love it! I could fuck you right now!" Julianne said.

Rachel chuckled.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Long time no see." Lisa commented.

"I've been coming in the mornings."

Rachel took a machine right next to theirs.

"So, how have you been?" Rachel asked them.

"Been OK." Lisa replied innocently.

"Good, very good" Julianne replied with a grin.

"How about you?"

Rachel smiled.

"Great."

Rachel almost laughed out loud as the silence followed after that, all three girls looking kind of thoughtful. Was everybody hiding something those days?

---

Rachel entered her room drinking a glass of water. As she opened the door, she ran into Barry and almost choked on her drink.

"Oh, good God, you scared me. You're home early."

She noticed the look on his face. His eyes were wide, he was staring. She realized it was the hair and touched it.

"What have you done?" he mumbled.

Rachel took a deep breath.

"Nothing, I woke up this morning and the color had changed" she said sarcastically, though not very enthusiastically. Barry shot her a look and she almost rolled her eyes. "I dyed it, of course."

She walked past him, finally. She threw her work out bag on the floor and then looked back at him, knowing she'd have to say more. It was what a wife did. Or was supposed to, anyway.

"Do you like it?"

Barry made a face she couldn't read. 'That's it, enough' she thought, going into her closet.

Once inside, Rachel took out her robe and started undressing. She kicked off her sneakers, socks and her top, and just as she was about to slide off of her pants, the door opened and Barry stepped inside. Rachel was taken aback, he always knocked. After all, they always did those things in her terms.

"Hey!" she whined.

It was too late, Barry was already all over her. He took her in his arms and kissed her neck, feeling her up with both hands. Rachel closed her eyes, trying to make it go away. It was never like that.

"Barry, come on, I gotta take a shower." she said, hoping it would make him stop.

"You do that later" he whispered into her shoulder.

Rachel bite her bottom lip, stifling a cry for help. A 'stop', a simple 'no'. Anything that would get him out of there. But she couldn't. He backed them onto the white couch in the middle of the room and finished undressing her. Rachel looked to her side, saw their reflection on the mirror and used one of her hands to brush a single tear away. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to forget the fact she was naked with him. If she knew him well enough, it would all be done very soon anyway.

Still, long enough to leave a scar.

It was one thing to have sex with him once in a while their bedroom, with the lights dimmed and half dressed. But this... It was too much for her to take.

After he came, groaning loudly and biting painfully hard on her shoulder, he took a deep breath and stood up. He left the room naked, not bothering to take his clothes with him. She lied on her side and hugged her knees. She had never felt so alone. Who could she ever go to to talk about something like that, after all? She couldn't. No one would ever understand.

They would simply make an awful lot of questions, which she wouldn't be able to answer. Not for real, anyway.

---

She stepped inside the room and, as usual, he was already in there. She took off her glasses and noticed he looked up at her from a pile of paper. She then noticed the look in his eyes, they were amazed. And he noticed the look in hers, they were apathic. And yet... she looked so beautiful. So much his jaws dropped.

"Wow" he mumbled.

She threw her bag on the couch and he put his pen down.

"Like it?" she asked, still looking serious.

"I'll say..."

He stood up and approached her. He took her face with his hands and kissed her softly. He watched her after they broke. She looked away briefly and he knew there was something bothering her. Or maybe there was something new about her dark hair that gave her a melancholic look.

"You OK?"

"Mm-hum." She approached his pile of papers and realized they were exams. "Torturing your students?"

He smiled.

"Just a bit."

She took off her thin jacket and threw it on the couch. His eyes darted to the purple on her shoulder.

"What happened?"

She realized what he was talking about.

"Nothing." She noticed the look on his eyes and knew she'd have to elaborate that. "Barry..." She noticed how his look changed to an outraged one and sighed, shaking her head. She knew it was a childish, but a part of her wanted to hurt him a little, like he had at the party. "It's not like that, he just got a little carried away last night, if you know what I mean."

Ross' expression changed to a serious one and they just stood there looking at each other seriously for the longest time, until she kicked off her shoes and sat down on the bed.

"Have you ordered something yet?" she asked.

"No, I was waiting for you."

They briefly discussed lunch and she picked up the phone, ordering room service. She then put the phone down and looked at him again. He approached the bed slowly and sat down by her feet.

"You look tired" he commented.

She looked at him for a bit before answering, savoring his concerned look.

"I haven't been sleeping well lately." She rested against the head of the bed. "And my feet are killing me, I hate these shoes."

He smiled weakly and took one of her feet and started massaging it. She finally cracked him a smile, which doubled his. It was all he'd been waiting for since her arrival. And yes, it did go really well with her new dark hair. His hands went down to her toes and Rachel felt something unexpected. She moaned involuntarily and he chuckled.

"OK, I think I've found something here." He joked.

"Do it again" she begged, suddenly out of breath.

"Oh, I will." He said, her reaction turning him on.

He played with her toes any way he could imagine, rubbing, squeezing, sucking before they made love and had lunch.

Afterwards, they cuddled in silence. He kept stroking her hair and she rested her cheek on his chest, her eyes closed.

"What time do you have to go?" She asked softly.

He looked at his watch.

"I suppose if I give everybody a B I can stay for another half hour."

She chuckled. Slowly, she raised herself to look at him.

"Thank you" she whispered.

He didn't know the exact meaning of her words, but decided not to ask. He simply smiled.

"Thank you for you too"

She smiled back and they kissed.

* * *

Hm, hm. I really hope this makes up for the past lousy chapters! Anyway. Review, please ;) 


	9. Chapter 9

**Beautiful Release **  
by Tina

OK, here's thinking Rachel leaving Barry at the altar was what pushed Sandra Green to leave her husband. I know there's a fat chance they would've gotten the divorce either way, but not in this story, OK? Sandra and Leonard Green are married. Period. Oh, and pay attention, in the first chapter I said that Barry's parents have passed away.  
And you guys are predicting stuff that's gonna happen in the future, lol! Calm down, everything in it's due time, OK?

* * *

"Happy birthday, daddy!" Rachel hugged her father tight. After they broke, she handed him a Prada box. "Couldn't expect anything else from me, huh? Take it back if it doesn't fit, but I think it will do alright."

"Thank you, sweet pea." Dr. Green said, adoration for his eldest visible in his eyes. "You look beautiful, thanks for coming."

Rachel kissed her father on the cheek and moved along to talk to her mother, while he greeted Barry.

"Hi, mom, how are you?"

They hugged.

"Good. Oh, sweetie, you look gorgeous."

"Thank you." They broke the hug. "So, who's coming?"

"Oh, we didn't want to make a big fuss. We just invited your father's brothers with their families, your sisters and I think they're each bringing a date."

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Good luck to them."

"But you guys are the first ones to arrive."

"Oh, yeah, the road was surprisingly clear on the way here."

They started moving to the livingroom.

"So, what's new?" Sandra asked her daughter.

"Nothing, really." She took a seat on the couch with her mother. "Oh, I've been talking to Monica Geller again. Called her a few weeks ago and we've been hanging out, it's been quite nice. Do you guys still keep contact with her parents?"

"Oh, hardly. They never come down to the club anymore."

"Right... Well, Monica's engaged now. I've met her fiancé and their friends, they're very nice."

"That's good. What does he do?"

Rachel took a minute to think.

"I don't know, actually. But it's something in an office, of that I'm sure."

Within one hour, the rest of the guests arrived. Rachel sat with her aunt Leslie and her sisters Amy and Jill, but kept her eyes on her father, chatting with Barry just a few feet away. Barry laughed at what seemed to be Leonard's joke, keeping the latter very satisfied. 'Kiss ass', she thought to herself. For some reason, that night it bothered her to see how much her father liked Barry.

"So, Rachel, darling-" her aunt started. "How long has it been since you and Barry got married?"

"Six years."

"Really, that long? Wow, your cousin Julia was already 5 when you uncle Harry and I had been married that long."

Rachel forced a smile, knowing where this was going.

"Don't you two ever think about having children yourselves?"

There it was.

"No. We don't want to." Rachel said it shortly. She'd usually stall a little and come up with some excuse. But she didn't feel like it that particular night.

Sandra Green, who was speaking to a maid near by, turned her head instantly.

"Excuse me, young lady?"

Rachel looked at her and sighed. Amy and Jill looked up, finally snapping out of their boredom.

"Oh, what's the big deal? We don't want children, so what?"

"So what!" Sandra approached her. "When did you decide this?"

"Well, Barry and I talked about it and just decided it, mom, I don't know when. And what's the big deal?"

Sandra shot her a look.

"May I know why you don't want it?"

"Just because, mom...! I'm not exactly a motherly person, let's face it. And I don't want a nanny to raise the child either. Besides, I just don't wanna put my body through it either. Call me selfish, but it's my life and I just don't want it, OK?"

Sandra crossed her arms and looked at her youngest girls.

"Great, now I'm supposed to rely on these two if I ever want to have grandchildren."

"Actually-" Amy started. "Rachel does have a point!"

"Yeah" Jill agreed.

Sandra shot Rachel a look and left the room. Amy and Jill laughed at each other.

"Yeah, that was fun." Jill commented, earning a look from her oldest sister.

---

Rachel kicked off her shoes hard, hopping off her heels and exhaling loudly once inside her closet. She threw her purse on the couch and went into the bathroom, picking up the products to remove her make up. She looked up when she saw Barry's reflection on the mirror before her. He stopped by the doorway and watched her.

"What?" she asked impatiently.

"Why did you tell your mom we didn't want to have children?"

Rachel looked away from him and proceeded with her task, reaching out for a cotton disc.

"Because we don't." she said simply.

"Since when?" his voice sounded impatient aswell.

She looked up at him again, irritated.

"How many times have we talked about this, Barry?" She let go of everything she was holding and turned around to face him. "And I perfectly recall telling you clearly that I didn't want to have children!"

"Well, maybe I do."

"Why, so you can parade them around like you do with everything you have?" she almost shouted back.

He approached her and she backed away until her back hit the sink.

"I don't see anything wrong with me wanting to have children."

"And I don't see what's wrong with me not wanting them!"

"Then I guess that leaves as a problem here, huh?"

Rachel laughed.

"Barry, believe me, this oughta be the smallest of our problems."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She took a deep breath and looked at him for a while.

"Nothing."

She turned around and resumed her task, looking down.

"I'll think about it." she said quietly.

Barry smiled to himself, satisfied. He knew what that meant. Or thought he did.

---

Ross entered his home. It was late and the lights of his apartment were already off. He stood by the door for a while and then checked his phone for the millionth time that evening. Nope, he hadn't missed any calls. He looked down. It had been five days since he'd last spoken to her.

He couldn't shake off her words. He couldn't erase the picture in his head. Rachel and her husband, making love on their expensive bed in their well decorated bedroom.

Why did she need a lover then? What the hell was he supposed to mean to her?

He shook his head, it wasn't simple as that, he knew it. After all, he wasn't getting any with his wife and yet was sure that his thing for Rachel was beyond mere sex. He'd come to accept that realization, as scary as it was. After all, if it was plain physical, he wouldn't be so jealous, would he?

Well, bottom line was it bothered him. But what was he to do? They were married, it was only normal for married people to have a sex life. He and Carol were just an exception to the rule, he believed. Not that every married couple had the sex life he couldn't help but imagine Rachel and Barry did, but it certainly wasn't as miserable as his and Carol's.

This should be the part he would break thing up with her. After all, it was clear he was falling for her when she wasn't. He couldn't deny she seemed to care about him, probably more than he'd let himself believe most of the time. But still, he couldn't let that thought lead him to rushed suppositions.

After all, it was only an affair.

He threw his briefcase on the couch, feeling a little sick at the thought of that word.

Yet, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to her. The simple thought of not seeing her again, not touching her and making love to her was a little torturing. It felt like it had been going on forever, for he couldn't understand how he could have lived without it for so long.

He slowly made his way into the bedroom. Surprisingly, Carol was up. She looked up at him from a book and, surprising Ross one more time, cracked up a smile.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Was the meeting long?" she asked.

"Yeah, just ended a while ago. But I still had to stay for a bit longer to talk to Dr. Cohen."

She gave him a smile again.

"You poor thing."

Ross just looked at her, confused, but decided to let it go. He walked up to the desk in a mini office they had in the room and started looking into some papers, picking up some he would need the next day at work. He felt Carol's gaze on him quite a few times, as she raised her eyes up and down to take a peek. She seemed nervous, he noticed.

Slowly she stood up and approached him. She wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him from behind. He ceased his actions immediately, his body stiffening like a rock.

"You know, Ben's asleep..."

Ross looked down.

"I- Not now, Carol." He made her let go of him and moved to another pile of paper on the desk. She stared at his back, a look of disbelief on her face. "I'm sorry" he mumbled.

"I don't get you!" She controlled her voice because of their son sleeping on the next room, but still let her annoyance very clear through her tone. "All those times you were trying to get some and you'd get all upset and now I'm in the mood and you're turning me down?"

Ross turned to look at her.

"Well, exactly! You have those days you're not in the mood, so why can't I?"

Carol shot him a look.

"'Cause you're a man, Ross! Last time I checked you were always ready to have a hard on like that!" she snapped a finger.

Ross stood there and looked at her for a while, shocked by her words. The Carol he knew would never talk to him like that, let alone with that kind of vocabulary.

"Well, I'm sorry. But I have no idea who you are and what you've done to my wife." He threw the papers back on the desk. "Excuse me."

He left to the bathroom and slammed the door after him.

He leaned against the window, having trouble to understand what'd just happened. Had he just turned Carol down? And why again? Because it felt as if he were betraying Rachel? Rachel? Rachel who apparently had no problem having sex with her husband Rachel?

There had to be something terribly wrong with that picture.

---

"Wow, wait a minute!" Monica cut Rachel's speech and stared at her friend. "You don't wanna have kids?"

Rachel shook her head.

"No, I don't."

"But... why?"

"OK, why do people keep asking that? Why would I wanna have them?"

"Because... it's gonna be a tiny little person you and Barry made together and you will love her more than anything else in your life! And you'll care for her and protect her and be a mom, you know?"

Rachel stared at Monica.

"Her?"

"I don't know, I keep seeing you with a little girl." Monica said, getting all giddy. "And you could dress her up and all, I'm sure you'd like that part."

"You do realize I could get a doll and do that, right?"

Monica shot Rachel a look.

"You couldn't possibly be comparing a child to a Barbie, Rachel."

"No, you're right. A baby cries and poops and needs an awful lot of attention... You're right, it's not the same."

Monica gave her a jokingly fake smile.

"Ha-ha!"

"No, I mean, seriously, Mon. I just don't wanna be like most of my friends, you know? Who have children only to pass on the stupid family name and so they can be raised by nannies and then spend the rest of their lives in therapy to cope with their parents' absence! And let's not forget all the blaming for every tiny little thing that goes wrong in their lives. Wow, some parental life, huh?"

"Well, you could be different than them. You could actually take care of the child."

Rachel played with her nails.

"Please, Monica, I can't even take care of myself" she said quietly. Monica looked at her intrigued, wondering if maybe that was a tip of an iceberg. Rachel was always full of life and smiles, she never for once stopped to think that maybe Rachel had problems of her own. Don't we all? But, before she could question anything, Rachel opened another smile and went on. "Oh, think of the stretch marks too."

"You could always adopt and avoid that."

"Oh, not an option for Barry, I'm sure. For some reason he wants to pass along his premature hair loss genes along, don't ask me why."

Monica laughed.

"But, anyway, what did Barry say?"

"Well, he made very clear that he wanted kids. Even though we've talked about it many times and last time we seemed to have settled on the no. And now... I told him I'd think about it, but..."

"Wow. I thought maybe this was the sort of thing you were supposed to discuss before marriage."

"Have you and Chandler?"

Monica stopped.

"OK, never mind."

Rachel smiled.

"Well, thing is... I thought I did want to have children back then. But right now... I don't know, I've changed my mind."

"So what's gonna happen if you two don't settle for a common decision?"

Rachel kept looking at Monica for a long time and then shrugged. The whole thought of it made her head spin a bit. Despite everything, Rachel didn't want to get a divorce. It was uncertain, and she was used to security. She liked her stability, knowing how everything worked around her and always would. So Barry wasn't the perfect man and their marriage was far from being functional, but... it worked, in its own messed up way.

She was part of that routine, they'd mastered it over the years. She found herself on shaky ground that moment, a little hard to follow the steps of the dance, but still... Maybe she should end things with Ross. She pondered for a bit. No, not an option. She couldn't bring herself to that, it would just have to be something else.

Maybe she should just keep going and try to find a new pace. Eventually... Who knows what could happen? Or maybe she should stop thinking so much about it. Yeah, she should do that and just let it flow.

---

After Monica was gone, Rachel got her cell phone and called him. After a few rings, his voice came on and asked for a message. She looked down and flipped her cell phone closed.

* * *

Guys... May I remind you one thing? I do this as a hobby. I know it seems like I don't have anything better to do sometimes, but I have a life and an awful lot of things to do, which I sometimes neglect to rush to my computer to write (bad Tina!). The fact this is about the millionth story I'm writing doesn't make me a professional. I have learned a lot over the years, but not nearly everything. If you're looking for someone you can demand perfection from, you're at the wrong place. I'm just a 21 years old killing some time, ranting about my favorite fictional couple. Anyway... bear that in mind. Constructive criticism is very welcome, just please don't expect too much from me. I have enough pressure over my head as it is (which makes every chapter harder to write than the previous). Anyway, see ya next time. Please, please, please review. Please. And try adding the good points about it. Not only he bads, OK? I'm sure there are good things here, otherwise you wouldn't still be reading. Or are you that bored? lol! 


	10. Chapter 10

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

She sat back and just watched. She'd never known doing nothing could be so fun. But then again, she'd never tried it with a friend before. Well, not since high school, anyway. And it was reliving it with her best friend from high school that Rachel spent that tuesday, Monica's day off.

They simply talked all day. Watched a movie, some t.v.. Monica made them lunch and Rachel even tried to help, but when both realized the extra pair of hands was only slowing the process, their empty stomachs sent her back to the watcher position. And she wasn't about to complain, anyway. After all, no matter how great Monica's cooking talents were, they were bound to be ruined if Rachel took any part in it, no matter how small.

At the moment, both were at the coffee house, with Chandler and Phoebe. Rachel couldn't help but still be in awe at the way those people acted. They were just hanging. Words weren't exactly necessary all the time and she could see neither thought much about them until they were flying on the air.

For some reason, that seemed almost surreal to her.

Her thoughts were broken by Phoebe, who had silently picked out a guitar and started playing it. Quite poorly, Rachel had to admit. But it simply gave an innocent feel to it. It was cute. Rachel watched her with a smile on her face, until she started singing.

_"I found you in my bed, how d'you wind up there? You are a mystery, little black curly hair."_

Rachel's smile disappeared instantly. She looked at Monica and both burst into laughter quietly.

_"Little black curly hair, little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair..."_

Phoebe continued, oblivious to the girls.

"Cute song, Phoebe" Rachel joked.

"Thanks!"

Rachel smiled even wider noticing Phoebe didn't catch her sarcasm.

Suddenly, the door opened and Ben flew inside, rushing over to Monica.

"Aunt Monica!"

"Ben! Hi, sweetie!"

She hugged the little boy. Ross entered, holding Ben's lunchbox and backpack.

"Hey, guys." Then his eyes found her. "Oh, hey."

"Hi." she replied.

They exchanged looks, though trying to act casual. They hadn't seen each other in a while and were now wondering why exactly.

"Dad, can I have a muffin?"

"Hm, sure."

"And how about three?"

Ross shot him a look.

"You know you won't eat three muffins, Ben."

"But I want banana, blueberry AND chocolate chip!"

"OK, I'll share them with you, then."

"Yeah!" the little boy cheered. "Can I buy them?"

Ross smiled at his son.

"Sure."

"OK, then can I have a fifty?" Ben said, holding his hand out to his father.

Rachel giggled. Ross looked at her and smiled, suddenly feeling something new at the tip of his stomach. A little disturbed by this new sensation, he turned back to Ben.

"Very funny, Mr. Here's a ten and I wanna see that change back, OK?"

"O-kay..." he said, with a bummed intonation.

Ross took a seat on the couch and noticed how everybody turned to look at Ben trying to reach the counter, particularly Rachel. She had a new look in her eyes, one he hadn't seen before. He decided he liked it.

"So, what are you doing here with Ben?" Monica asked.

"I just picked him up at school and he has to do this project on someone from his family and he's chosen you. And he insisted on coming to talk to you now, so..."

"Aw." Monica's eyes filled up with tears. "That's so sweet."

Rachel sat back and simply watched. Ross gave his sister a brotherly hug and Ben rejoined them, having trouble holding the plate with the three muffins.

"Here, let me help you, sweetie." Monica took the plate from him and set it on the table. "Do you want me to split them for you?" Ben nodded and Monica did so with a knife. "There you go."

"Thanks, Aunt Monica."

"You're welcome, sweetie."

Rachel couldn't help but curl up her lips a bit. Monica kissed the top of Ben's head and noticed Rachel. Monica's smile grew wider, reading her friend's sweet expression. Sure, she could say she didn't want kids, but... of course she did, Monica thought. She couldn't not want them and look at Ben with those eyes.

"Inspiring, at all?" Monica joked, her eyes looking straight into Rachel's.

"Cut it out, Monica."

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Just trying to inspire Rachel here to have some children of her own."

Rachel exchanged looks with Ross and shifted her weight on her chair uncomfortably.

"Come on, Monica, I've made myself clear the other day."

"I just don't understand it! Specially when your husband is so eager to have them. You know, convincing the husband can be the hardest part in some cases!" She noticed the scared look on Chandler's face. "Look all you want, your time's coming up!"

Rachel looked away, trying to find a way to change the subject.

Ross looked down. So Barry wanted to have children now? Was that why Rachel hadn't talked to him in a while? 'Well, I guess with a baby in the picture she won't have more spare time for her little toy...'

After she'd managed to get them to move to another topic, Rachel excused herself to the bathroom. As she reached for the doorknob, she felt a tug on her other hand.

"Hey."

She turned around and faced him, surprised he'd followed her.

"Hi."

"Can we talk?"

She smiled weakly at him.

"Sure."

She knocked slightly on the girl's room. Upon no response, she opened it and walked in, followed by Ross. Outside, a very confused Monica watched it with a slightly ajar mouth.

"So..." she said, turning around in the very tiny room. It was a single bathroom, for one person only. There was a toilet on the corner and a little sink with a mirror hanging above it. Ross had to be careful not to stumble over the trash can. He looked at Rachel and carefully brushed away some hair from her eyes.

"Well, it's been a while... What happened?" He was careful not to ask anything about this baby business.

"You tell me. Every time I call I get your voice message."

"Same."

"So you called me?" she approached him sensually, letting her hands slide up his chest.

"Certainly."

"How many times?" she smiled, toying with him.

"How does a dozen million sound?"

"Excellent."

She chuckled and he couldn't resist her anymore. He leaned closer and kissed her. They wrapped their arms around each other and deepened the kiss. He backed her against the wall and moved to her neck. She breathed loudly and started returning to her senses.

"Oh, we have to go back out there, Ross." But he didn't seem to hear her. She closed her eyes. "Your son is out there."

He finally stopped, touched by the way she said it. She seemed to be ashamed of herself to get caught on such situation. He looked down and let go of her. He couldn't help but feel a little ashamed himself. His son was just outside, damn it. How had he become the sort of man who did this sort of thing?

"OK. But tell me when I can see you again."

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to smooth down the tiny mess he'd managed to do on such short time.

"My agenda's pretty flexible, you know that." She told him, suddenly seeming a little hostile.

He looked down and caught hold of her hand, sweetly.

"Well, OK, I can meet you tomorrow afternoon. Same place, around five."

She didn't look at him, but he felt her hand give his a light squeeze.

"OK. Now you better go first or they might get suspicious."

"OK."

He looked at her again and placed a kiss on her shoulder, before leaving. Rachel stood there alone for another two minutes, trying to control her erratic breathing that hit her out of nowhere the minute he stepped out. She rested her back against the wall and slid down till the floor, reaching inside her purse for her source of release.

---

"Mom!" Ben rushed inside and threw his things on the foot of the table, where Carol was working. "We went to the coffee house and Aunt Monica was there and Uncle Chandler and everything!"

"Hey, Ben." She kissed his cheek. "How was school?"

"M-kay!"

He picked up only half of his things from the floor and rushed to his room. Ross picked up after him.

"Hey." He finally greeted his wife.

She looked at him and then looked away. Ross well knew she hadn't been in the best of moods, specially after the incident they'd had just a few days ago, when he'd surprised them both by turning her down.

"Hi." She replied after a while, her attention completely on the book before her.

Ross decided not to argue, not to question anything. If possible, not even think about it. He simply tightened his grip on Ben's things and left.

---

Rachel sat across from Katie with a blank stare. She could hear her distant voice ranting about Lamaze classes, baby shoes or whatever it was pregnant women talked about those days. She just couldn't believe Barry. So pathetic. To invite their friends Katie and John - who were expecting their first child after four long years of trying in vitro - to dinner without even telling her...! Wouldn't it have been easier to just talk about it?

Hm, not under that roof.

Or under any other roof, for that matter, when it came to Rachel and Barry.

"Anyway," Katie glowed "on monday we found out it's a girl." Rachel thought Katie was about to burst with glee any time. And it bugged her. "Now we've started painting the nursery pink! I know it's conventional, we even discussed lilac or pale orange, but, what the heck, we decided to embrace the cliché!"

"Mm-hm, nice." Rachel said for the fifth time, pretending, though not very hard, to care.

"What about you guys, huh?" Rachel kept looking at Katie, too tired to protest. "Barry's told us you guys are trying! Congratulations, you guys!"

Rachel didn't even feel like she had enough strength to be mad at Barry. She simply gave Katie a fake smile and looked at Barry, who overhead the conversation and gave Rachel a smile. Rachel sighed.

"Thanks."

It was easier that way.

* * *

Short chapter, I know. It's sort of like a filler, but not too much, really. Just some stuff I gotta add so you can get more of the feel. Anyway... I know it's been a while and it's bound to get worse. College and life are basically killing me. That and my dramatic ways, of course ;) Anyway... Leave me a review, please, and make me feel this was worth it:D I love this story, but it's only getting harder and harder to go on. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Beautiful Release  
**by Tina

* * *

"You've stopped taking those birth control pills, right?" Barry whispered into her ear as he entered his wife that morning.

"Yeah."

He looked down at her and smiled, not wasting time before picking up speed.

"Good."

She turned her head and closed her eyes, faking pleasure only to enhance his.

She could keep on lying to him for a while, she figured. It's not like women got pregnant that easily anyway. She was just buying some time and then... Well, she still had to some to figure that out.

---

"Hey you" she smiled at him.

He stood up and they walked towards each other, meeting half way.

"Hi" he answered.

They kissed softly.

She smiled weakly at him and tilted her head.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Just got here."

"Good."

He tucked some of her brown hair behind her ears and smiled at her. She kissed him again.

"I'll be right back, gotta use the bathroom."

She threw her purse on the couch and entered the bathroom. Ross paced around, waiting for her. After a few seconds, her cellphone started ringing. Ross turned around and looked at it, unsure of what to do. Slowly, he approached it and noticed the flip phone hanging outside. He took a peek at the screen, Barry's name flashed on it. He stepped away when the door to the bathroom opened and Rachel walked up to her things, answering the phone.

"Yes?" he could tell her tone was a little irritated. "No, I'm out with a friend." Ross and Rachel exchanged looks, until she looked away, her attention suddenly being held by Barry on the other side. "What? Why?" Rachel rolled her eyes and Ross noticed her temper was rising. "Barry, you should have told me before, I can't right now." She paused and ran a hand through her hair. "Because I'm busy!" Ross sighed when she walked away, towards the window, seeking a bit more privacy.

He looked down and then quickly back at Rachel. He could clearly see what kind of man Barry was. And he imagined the reasons why Rachel stuck around in their marriage. The simple outfit she was wearing alone spoke a lot for that matter. He looked down, he hated thinking about that. It made him very frustrated and confused about the kind of woman Rachel was.

He liked her. A lot. But he knew he wasn't a Barry. He couldn't provide her all those things Barry did. They lived in different worlds. And, pretty soon, they would start having children too. Ross could clearly see the end of his thing with Rachel drawing near and hated it.

He crossed his arms, upset by his thoughts.

"Sorry" she approached him again, her phone flipped closed in her hand. "Barry was just... being Barry."

Ross watched as she put it back in her purse and turned back to look at him. She smiled, despite his serious look. She approached him and threw her arms around him.

"Where were we?"

She leaned in, but he turned his face and gently made her let go of him. She looked at him with a confused look.

"What?"

"Rachel, I... We gotta talk."

She just looked at him with big eyes, worried.

"OK."

He looked at her for a while, afraid of what 'doing the right thing' would mean to them.

"Are you and Barry trying to have a baby?"

She looked at him for a long time, not knowing what to say. Ross almost caved and told her to forget about it when she crossed her arms across her chest, looked down and shook her head.

"I- I don't know."

Ross looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

She just looked at him.

"Ross, can we not talk about this, please?"

"Of course not, Rachel. I don't wanna be in the middle of this knowing that you guys..." Ross shook his head, not knowing how to put it. "You know what, this is all wrong. You're married. I'm married. And apparently you and Barry can work things out yourselves and have kids and be happy together in your little castle or wherever it is you guys live."

Rachel stood there in shock, taken aback by his reaction. Was he ending things with her?

"What?"

"You don't need me, Rachel. So why continue this and risk ruining everything you've got? I'll make this a lot easier for you, OK?"

"But, Ross-"

Too late. Ross crossed the room and left her alone. Rachel stood there by herself for a while. She couldn't cry, she was in shock. She took a seat on the bed and stared straight ahead. How was she supposed to deal with that? What was she supposed to do with her time now, with her thoughts? With her heart?

With a shaky hand, she opened her purse. She took a bottle of pills and stared at it. Slowly, she walked to the minibar and took a bottle of vodka. She set it all on the bedside table and stared at it. How easy would it be to put an end to it all?

She sighed and covered her face with her hands. Her breathing became erratic, pain filling her in a way she had never felt it before.

Then her cellphone rang again. She turned to look at her purse immediately, imagining it could be him. She walked up to the couch and answered it quickly, without stopping to see the name on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hi." Monica's voice made Rachel look down.

"Hey, Monica."

There was a pause before Monica could go on.

"Can I talk to you, Rachel? In person."

"Now's not the best time, Mon."

"It's very important."

Monica's firm voice worried Rachel a little.

"OK. I'll come by in a second."

"Thank you. Bye."

"Bye."

-

Rachel knocked at the door. It didn't take a second before Monica opened it.

"Hey, Mon." Rachel tried her best to fake a smile, but failed miserably. But by the looks of it, Monica didn't even try.

"Hey. Come in."

Rachel stepped inside and then turned to face her friend.

"So, what's up?"

"Sit down."

"OK."

They walked to the livingroom and took seats on the couch.

"Rachel..." Monica began. She took a deep breath and just said it. "Are you having an affair with Ross?"

Rachel's eyes widened at the question.

"What?" Oh my God. Her heart started beating fast. Thoughts raced through her mind and she nervously chuckled. "What? Where did you get that from, Monica?"

"I saw him going into the lady's room with you at he coffee house yesterday" Monica said, still dead serious.

Rachel looked at Monica and her nervous chuckles died out. What sort of excuse would get away with that? Monica wasn't stupid. And Rachel didn't want to lie to her, anyway. So she just paused, for a few seconds and turned serious aswell. After a while she covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. When she uncovered them, Monica could see tears in her eyes.

"Rachel?"

Rachel looked up at her.

"We were."

"Were?"

"I was just with him and he decided to end things. So there, there's nothing for you to worry about anymore."

"Good." Rachel looked away and Monica could see she was upset. "Rachel, you guys are married, this is for the best."

"Whatever..." Rachel mumbled, brushing tears away. "I have to go."

She stood up quickly and grabbed her purse.

"Rachel, don't be mad at me. I just want the best for you two."

"The best?" Rachel threw her purse at the floor, which startled Monica. "The best for me? Well, Monica, being with your brother was the best thing that happened to me in a long time."

Monica was taken aback by that.

"Really?"

Rachel brushed away her tears.

"Yes. I know you and everybody else think my life is perfect and that I'm really happy all the time, but..." Rachel looked at Monica in a way that almost made her shiver. "I'm so miserable."

Monica sighed and approached her, hugging her friend tight.

"Honey, I'm so sorry... I didn't know."

"Nobody does..."

Rachel cried a little, but just until she realized what was going on. She broke the hug and dried her tears.

"Oh, look at me being a big drama queen." she chuckled, avoiding Monica's eyes. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't deal with this right now. I'm just... I'm sorry about this. I'll talk to you later." She paused briefly. "Hm, if you still want me as a friend."

"Don't be silly, Rachel." Monica weakly smiled at her. "Of course I do."

"OK."

"Are you gonna be alright?"

Rachel sighed and nodded. Monica gave her a weak supportive smile.

Rachel quickly picked up her purse from the floor and left in a hurry. Monica looked after her, well knowing Rachel was running to avoid dealing with something. Maybe there was more to it than she knew. Monica shook her head and looked down, noticing a bottle of pills on the floor. She picked them up. Must've slipped from Rachel's purse, she figured.

Staring at the label, Monica's mouth opened a bit, in shock.

"Oh, Rachel...!"

---

Ross entered his apartment and almost lost balance a little as he closed the door. The few beers he'd had on the bar right after leaving Rachel by herself at the hotel were sure starting to kick in. He held his head and sighed, wondering if the alcohol was disguising some of his sadness. If so, he couldn't imagine how miserable he would be once the effects wore off.

"Hey." Carol greeted him, entering the livingroom.

"Oh, hi" Ross stood up straight, trying to hide the fact he was a little drunk. "Where's Ben?"

"He's at a friend's house, they're having a sleepover."

"Oh. OK."

Ross watched Carol for a while. She set a big card box on the coffee table and opened it, taking a lot of colorful papers from it. She started working on them, probably making something for her students, the 4th graders she taught to. His wife. The one he should be trying to make it work with.

He walked into his bathroom and washed his face. He looked at his reflection and then brushed his teeth, trying to wash the smell of alcohol off his mouth. He ran the toothbrush over his tongue, thinking of the times it had been all over Rachel. He set it aside and wiped his lips with his fingers, with the back of his hand, with his palms, rubbing hard until he felt them burning in pain.

He rinsed and wiped some tears away.

He looked at his reflection and swore he could see a hint of madness in that dark spark-less pool.

He undressed and hopped into the shower, hoping to wash her off of him. As if her perfume was all over his skin, her body cells somehow mixed with his, her saliva still in his mouth.

As he hopped off, he felt more calm, desintoxicated. He wrapped a towel around his body and went into the closet, picking up some boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He got dressed and combed his hair, breathing slowly.

In the livingroom, Carol was still working. She smiled weakly, satisfied with the first ready piece, too engrossed to feel Ross' presence. He took a seat beside her and she finally looked at him.

"Like it?"

He smiled at her.

"Yeah."

She looked at him for a while, uncertain about the look on his face. But, before she could give it much thought, he leaned in and kissed her softly. She closed her eyes apprehensively and kissed back. They broke and looked at each other for a while, silently discussing whether to go down that road or not.

They reached a common agreement and kissed again, this time deeper.

They laid together on the couch, undressing each other quickly. It wasn't about enjoying it, really. It was about getting it over with, proving to themselves they could do it, they didn't have a problem. They were married and... that is how it worked.

He got on top of her and entered her. He kept his head down, his chin resting on her shoulder, his nose nuzzled on her hair. He had to do this. He coached himself in his head, trying hard to convince his heart that he was doing the right thing.

It didn't last too long. As he came, he sighed heavily and relaxed his muscles, lying on his wife. She wrapped her arms around him and stroked his back with one hand and his hair with the other. He felt miserable. He thought of Rachel.

And then he realized it was not that easy to get rid of her. She was in him.

---

Rachel locked the door to her closet. Barry wasn't home yet, but God knows he'd been clingy the past few days and could be home any second, eager to try again to get her pregnant. It would just be the cherry on the top of her crappy day, wouldn't it?

She set her purse on her dressing table and paced around a bit. She took a seat on the white lounge chair and stared at her purse, thinking of her pills. How easy would it be to take a few and forget about the pain? And ease that tightness in her chest, drown in numbness and just forget about everything for a while.

She cried.

If being with Ross had taught her one thing it was that life was only worth living if you could actually feel it. If you could feel the warmth, the hot, the cold. The curiosity, the discovery. The touch. His touch.

Maybe feeling some of her real pain would actually do her some good. Or maybe it wouldn't and she was just being a little masochist. Whatever the case, Rachel ignored the pills in her bag and lied down on the couch by herself, welcoming the sadness.

---

_"Now at last I know  
What a fool I've been  
For I've lost the last love  
I shall ever win"_

---

Ross gently managed to get untangled from Carol's embrace without waking her up. He slowly stood up and got dressed, gazing down at his wife with a defeated expression. He heard his phone ring and went into his room in the search of it. He stared at the screen for two more rings as he looked at the flashing name. He answered it.

"Hello?"

She took some time before speaking.

"You're wrong" she said simply. Before he could question her, she went on. "I do need you, Ross."

He couldn't prevent his lips from curling up.

* * *

A little drama was needed. I know it's taken longer than usual, but, as I said on my previous chapter, life's being busy here. I shouldn't even be writing here, I have a lot of papers to write and stuff to study for the past few days. Good news is that things will be better after wednesday, so I'll try writing a lot more then ;) Now... Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are the best and I really am very grateful to know that you're enjoying anf giving me so much support. Keep it going, haha! Now, OK, I better go, I've neglected my studies enough as it is! See you next chapter, please review! Oh, and the quote is from "Now At last" by Feist :)


	12. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

* * *

I avoided having to post this as much as I could. But I've been getting e-mails and reviews and stuff with people asking me about this story, if I'm not gonna finish it and etc. So, yeah, I feel like I owe you an explanation.

This story is not left behind. I understand it seems like I've been neglecting it, but I really haven't. I've just been extremely busy with my studies and my personal life. That and the fact my computer keeps breaking (in fact, it's broken 3 times since I've uploaded the last chapter. How wonderful, huh? Not!), so there's not much I can do.

But I've already started the next chapter, yes. And I do intent to go on and keep on writing it in a regular pace once I get my hands on my personal computer again. There's no need for you guys to come and check if this has been updated like everyday. Just sign up at and add the story to your alert list. You'll be notified once it's updated, OK? It's just better for everybody this way. :)

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been able to write lately. Believe me, I am. Mostly because I miss it so much ;) Hope you guys are OK and thanks for the patience!

**- Tina**


	13. Chapter 12

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

"Really?" Ross held on to his phone tight.

Rachel sobbed.

"God, yes, Ross."

"I just..." Ross paced around, with his stare fixed on the floor. "Sometimes I feel like we don't even know each other, Rach..."

"But you don't even try."

"You're right. I never did." He stopped pacing. "But that's 'cause I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of not meaning anything to you. Of being just a hobby or something like that..."

"Oh, Ross. I wish you'd know just how much you mean to me..."

He whipped a heartfelt tear from his eyes.

"I do now."

She smiled weakly.

"I have to see you. Now" he said after a moment of silence.

"OK" she answered fast, ignoring the fact it was eight o'clock at night and Barry would be home any second.

"I'll be there in about half an hour."

"Alright, I'll see you there."

She hung up and sighed, clutching the phone tight on her chest. Quickly, she put it in her bag and left immediately, whipping her tears on her way to the door.

---

When he entered the room, she was already waiting for him. They exchanged relieved smiled and rushed towards each other, meeting on a kiss.

"Don't do that again", Rachel whispered softly into his ear. He smiled weakly and kissed her again.

"OK."

They kept looking at each other for a while. He brushed away a tear from her cheek and then kissed the wet trail.

"Monica knows." Rachel whispered again.

"What?"

"After you left she called me and asked me to go there... She knows."

"How?"

"She saw us the other day."

"When? What did she see?"

Rachel just looked at him for a while.

"Does it matter?"

He sighed.

"You're right." He stroked her hair. "What did she say?"

Rachel looked away.

"You know, that we're married and it's wrong and all that..."

"What did you say?"

Rachel looked back at him.

"I told her it was over." Ross looked down briefly. "And that you're the best thing that has happened to me in a long time..." she added in a low tone.

He looked up at her, smiled and kissed her again. Slowly, he took his time to savour it as his hands stroke her back gently. After they broke, they hugged and she rested her face on his shoulder, closing her eyes and gathering up some courage.

"How about you?" she whispered.

"What about me?"

"How do you feel? About me..."

Ross broke their embrace to look at her and smiled.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was pretty obvious. Specially after my little jealousy break down..."

She smiled weakly.

"You call that a break-down?"

"You didn't see my inside..."

She smiled again and kissed him softly.

"God, Rach... I can't even begin to imagine what would be of me by now if you hadn't come along. I was on the verge of madness and you gave me a reason to stick to sanity." He started stroking her hair, his eyes filled with admiration. "You're so beautiful and sweet and funny and... I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. Specially... well, so intimately."

Rachel sighed blissfully and hugged him again.

"That's all I needed. To know that you're not just using me to get some..."

Ross chuckled weakly.

"Anybody who would see you as just that would be nothing but a fool."

"Thank you."

They kissed. Rachel's hands quickly untucked his shirt from his pants and pulled it up his head. He complied, finding his way around the buttons of her shirt. Half naked, they continued kissing as they kicked off their shoes and Rachel's phone started ringing.

Ross loosened his grasp on her, allowing her to break free to answer it. However, she pulled him closer, making it clear she was going to ignore anything that might spoil their moment. Ross smiled, knowing that that alone spoke more of her feelings for him than the words she'd just said. After all, she hadn't even pronounced her husband's name as she spoke of her feelings. Yet, she was obviously willing to ignore him just to be with Ross. At least for the night.

As the phone stopped ringing, Ross broke the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"Sleep with me tonight."

She knew exactly what he meant.

She nodded quickly, smiling.

"Yes."

---

In the deep of the night, Rachel stared at the man sleeping beside her. She felt something deep inside, so hard she had to close her eyes to focus on dealing with it. She opened them again and continued to stare at Ross. Funny how they had been together so many times and yet had never shared this moment together. And it was a moment each daily shared with their spouse, yet not with the same intensity.

She thought of what they'd said earlier, about how they couldn't say they really knew each other. And yet... Rachel closed her eyes again, admitting it to herself. She loved him.

When she opened them again, this time she found him looking at her. He smiled.

"Hey."

She smiled back and stroked the back of his head tenderly.

"Go back to sleep", she cooed.

He leaned closer and kissed her.

"I'd rather enjoy your company... Come here."

She went into his open arms and they cuddled. A long time went by in silence, until her cellphone interrupted it for the fifth time that evening. Yet, once again, Rachel didn't move to answer it. Ross smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Eleven forty five. You sure you don't wanna answer that?"

"I'm sure."

"What are you gonna tell him?"

She lifted herself up and looked at Ross with a jokingly defiant look.

"What are you gonna tell her?" Ross shrugged. "I'll worry about that tomorrow."

"Good."

He pulled her back into his arms, enveloping her gently as his hands stroked her naked body.

"Rach?" he asked after a while.

"Yes?"

"Are you serious about, well, hm, not wanting to have kids?"

Again, Rachel lifted herself up to look at him.

"What?"

"Well, you told Monica you didn't want to have kids, right? I just wanted to know if you really meant that."

Rachel looked at him deeply. What, did he want to have kids with her? Huh. That thought made her wonder a bit. The idea just somehow didn't seem so bad. Rachel looked down and half smiled.

"I... I don't know." She looked up at him. "I just don't see myself as a mother figure, you know?"

"See, I think you're wrong..." he slyly said.

She smiled and ran a hand through her hair.

"Maybe. Whatever the case, now's just not the time."

"Definitely not." he said looking into her eyes.

Rachel sighed contently.

"Mm, good."

* * *

Oh God... So I have my own laptop now, which means I can write basically whenever I want. I'm also practically on vacation from college. And I've been in a fairly big Ross and Rachel mood lately. Yet, there's something blocking my writing. This was the best I could do...! I keep trying to come up with plots for this, but I've given up on doing it in this chapter, so I'll post pone it. So next chapter - whenever that gets posted - should be more interesting. Meh. Anyway... I still hope you liked that, a little mush...! Please, please post me a review. Who knows that might motivate me :) Thanks for reading! 


	14. Chapter 13

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

The familiar ring tone woke her up that morning. Instinctively, she opened her eyes briefly only to reach for her cellphone on the bedside table.

"Hello?"

"Oh, thank God you're alright! Where are you?"

"Monica?"

"Yeah! Are you OK? And where the hell are you, Barry has called me a million times already, asking about you!"

Rachel looked around and found herself in the hotel room. Beside her, Ross was still sound asleep.

"Shit..." Rachel murmured under her breath.

"Rachel?"

"Hold on, Monica." she whispered and got up from the bed quietly, picking up her clothes from the floor on her way to the bathroom.

"Rachel, are you... with Ross?"

Rachel closed the bathroom door and leaned against it. It was much too early for that.

"What time is it?"

"It is six thirty, now answer me." Monica's tone was firm.

"Yes, OK. I'm with him."

The other side went silent for a while and Rachel looked down.

"What, have you guys decided to stay together now? Are you gonna leave Barry?"

"I don't know, Monica."

"So what, you're just gonna-" Monica stopped herself suddenly. "You know what? You two are grown ups. If you don't want my advice, which obviously you don't, then I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on. Just think about the position you put me in when your husband calls me at midnight asking about you, OK?"

"I'm sorry, Mon. But it's... It's complicated."

"See, I don't see it that way. You both made a vow, a commitment to your spouses. If you don't intend to keep that, fine, but have the decency to make up your minds and get divorced! Oh, look at that, I'm doing it again. Just... Call Barry, he's really worried. My part's done here, so goodbye."

And she hung up before Rachel could say anything else.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes, slowly waking up to what had just happened and hopped into the shower to try and think things through.

Oh damn, Barry would be waiting for her, wouldn't he? And he'd have all these questions she still didn't know how to answer. How stupid of her. Had she learned nothing from him over the past few years? How difficult would it have been to pick up the phone once, just once, and give him some excuse? He'd provided her a very wide selection himself, after all. But no, she had to go and try to prove something to Ross. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, yes, but... Oh, the consequences.

She stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Slowly, almost afraid of doing so, she opened a gap of the door and spied on Ross again, still sleeping.

He looked almost irresistible. Her eyes filled up with tears, wishing that things were simpler. Why couldn't she feel this way about Barry? Of course, Barry was a jerk. But weren't there so many women out there who claimed to be in love with guys like that? And why did Ross had to stir those feelings in her? Why couldn't she go on the way she was doing? Oh, how unfair. She knew in two seconds she'd regret considering those thoughts. As painful it could be, she loved that warm feeling, that sometimes desperate need of him.

She thought of his little boy, at home, expecting to see his daddy for breakfast.

Rachel's hands started trembling. She slowly lifted a palm to her face and felt as the trembling spread to her entire body. Her knees went week, she felt she could fall to the floor at any second. Her breathing got shorter and she started panicking.

Terrified whimpers joined her shallow gasps for air. She managed to walk to her things, searching for her pills. Inpatient, she dropped the entire content of the purse on the sofa, but still couldn't find the orange bottles.

So she ran to the bed.

"Ross. Ross, wake up." she shook him violently, her voice uneven.

"What?" he opened his eyes and quickly sat up, scared by the sight of her before him. "What's going on?"

"Take me... to an... ER... now." she sobbed, still gasping for air.

"What?"

Rachel reached for her throat and stroked it.

"Now... please."

---

Rachel sat by herself on her small bed at the semi-private room of the ER. She scanned the room once, uninterested. There were three other small beds, separated by white curtains. Yet, she was the only occupant of the room, so they were all fully drown back. A nurse stood beside her, checking something in her chart. The drugs she'd been prescribed had just started to kick in. She looked down at her Jimmy Choos and waited. Her mind was blank. Or almost, anyway. She took some time to lazily think if Ross, who hadn't been allowed in for not being a relative, would still be out there when she was discharged. Of course he would, she concluded. 'Cause he was just that type of guy.

"So was this the first time you had a panic attack?"

Rachel kept her sight low, now rocking her feet slowly.

"No. I take pills for that, but I couldn't find them this time."

"Are they..." the nurse trailed off and Rachel looked up at her.

"The prescriptions are at home."

The nurse nodded and carried on with her job. Rachel kept looking at her.

"So, how can I get some sort of paper that says I had to come here? Like to prove it, to my work or something..."

In the waiting room, Ross stared at his phone. No unanswered calls. None. He looked at his watch, it was almost eight o'clock. He'd already called work and explained he'd be late because he'd had to take a friend to the ER, so, in a way, there was no rush. After all, even after the sex they'd had the previous night, Carol still didn't seem to care about their marriage. Just as well, if things were going to move forward with Rachel from now on...!

What a way to start their first morning together though. He still wasn't sure what had happened, and it was beginning to get him really worried. She wasn't in condition to talk much when they left their room and now nobody would tell him anything. Startled, they hadn't had the chance to talk, discuss how things would be now.

The clicking of her heels made him look up. Somehow it was distinguishing to his ears, he knew it was hers. She had a serious look on her face, but looked healthy nonetheless. He sighed with relief and stood up, approaching her.

"What happened? What's wrong?"

"I had a panic attack." She avoided his eyes.

"What?"

"A panic attack! Dizzy, shaking, couldn't breath, you know!" She answered, a little hostile.

"Alright, alright... Are you OK now?"

She looked down and sighed, nodding quickly and glancing at her wrist watch.

"I'm sorry. I- I gotta go home."

"Hey." He grabbed her hand and made her look at him. "So what are we... I mean, how are we...?" he trailed off.

"Ross... Not now. I don't feel that well, I need to get some rest, I'm..." She trailed off.

Ross looked at her, trying to remain understanding. Sure this morning must've been very overwhelming for her. They were all confused and tired and...

"Sure."

"We'll talk about this later, OK?"

"OK."

She looked up at him one more time, quietly, her eyes filled with so many feelings. Yet Ross had trouble distinguishing any.

---

Before the door to her apartment, Rachel took a deep breath before inserting her key into the lock. The minute she stepped in, she heard Barry making his way to the living room, where they met.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked with much hostility in his voice. She just stared back at him for a few seconds, emotionlessly. "Huh, Rachel?"

She slowly opened her purse and retrieved the paper the doctor had given her at the hospital, attesting she'd been there.

"At the hospital." She handed him the paper and started making her way to their bedroom. "Thanks for the sensitivity, by the way."

Barry stared at it, running his eyes briefly through the words. Three seconds later, he quickly made it into a ball and followed his wife.

"What kind of hospital is that that they don't bother to call your husband?"

Rachel was hopping off her shoes and taking off her jewelry.

"I don't know, Barry. Maybe they were too busy and didn't think mine was such a serious case. It's not like I was unconscious or anything."

"OK, so why didn't you answer your phone?"

"I'm not even gonna bother to answer that. You know how I get."

"Where were the pills?"

"Couldn't find them."

She casually went into her closet and shut the door after herself. Inside, alone she sobbed once. She rubbed her temples and then proceeded to change into a nightgown. When she stepped out, Barry was out there, still waiting for her. She made her way to the window, shut the voluptuous curtains then walked up to the bed. His eyes followed her and she felt just how suspicious they were. She imagined what Barry would do if he found out she was going to sleep now not because she'd spent the night sick at a hospital, but because she was exhausted from making love with another man.

Did he still care enough about their marriage to be jealous? Or was it just the childish feeling of possession, after having someone else play with something that belongs to you?

"Were you there by yourself?"

"Yes. I was out shopping when I started feeling bad. Barney's, it's right near that Hospital."

Barry still kept looking skeptical. Yet, she was surprised by how he was keeping it all to himself. He wasn't buying any of that, she could tell. And yet, he wasn't saying anything. They kept looking at each other and she finally recognized the look in his eyes. It was fear. Damn it, he was scared of losing her. The realization hit her like a truck.

"I gotta get to work. Hm, get some rest and uh... I'll bring you some new pills, OK?"

She nodded.

"Thanks."

He approached and kissed her. It was a simple kiss and yet... Rachel couldn't remember being kissed by him so meaningfully in a long time. Saddened by the situation they presently caught themselves and the sudden memory of how they used to be, the plans they used to have, she kissed him back.

"Bye."

He left and Rachel looked at the closed door. And now what?

* * *

I know I haven't been great to you guys as you've been to me...! I'm on vacation and quite honestly I spend most of my days just killing time. I should write more. Leave me some reviews, hee, and hopefully it'll get me in the mood to write more and more. I actually felt like writing something new a few days ago, but I put my food down and decided I'm only writing something else after I finish this. So...! Anyway, mwah! See you next chapter! Please take five minutes of your time to leave me a note... it'll make my day :) 


	15. Chapter 14

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

Just as he'd predicted, Ross found his apartment empty when he finally got home that morning. Carol had already gone to work, taking Ben with her. He quickly scanned the small apartment looking for a note from his wife, but found none. He took a quick shower and left for work, trying hard not to let his overwhelming thoughts of Rachel drive his sanity away.

Yet, it was a slow day at the museum. Plus, he didn't have any work to get done from the university, no exams to be marked or projects to be analyzed. It was simply an excruciatingly long day, for it allowed his mind to wander free. However, the memory of the previous night gave him a little hope. She'd been so sweet and pretty much given him a fresh batch of confidence towards her feelings for him.

He longed to talk to her, but figured he should give her a little break for the day, she'd gone through too much as it was. The panic attack, the hospital, facing her husband... Ross knew Barry must've been up waiting for her, eager for an excuse, even though none would satisfy him. He closed his eyes to deal with his rage as he pictured the prick yelling at her, hurting her with offensive words.

He stared at his cellphone and shook his left leg madly under his desk, trying to canalize some of his energy. He wished there was something he could do to protect her.

His office phone rang.

"Yes, Helen?"

"It's Dr. Phillipe on the line. May I pass the call?"

"Yes, thank you."

Hopefully something else to occupy his mind.

---

After being released earlier from work, Ross made his way to Central Perk. As he reached the glass walls, he spotted Joey, Phoebe and Monica on the orange couch. He stopped himself and focused on his sister. He wouldn't hear the end of it and he'd hate it... But she was his sister and he knew she only wanted the best for him. He couldn't avoid her. She'd grown to become much too important for him over the last few years. So he sighed, lifted up his chin and entered the coffee house.

"Hey, guys."

"Hey, man." Joey replied.

"Hi, Ross." Phoebe greeted through giggles, apparently after a little joke Ross had just missed.

Ross smiled weakly at them and looked at Monica, waiting for some big reaction. But she had none. She sipped her coffee and looked at him.

"Hey."

Ross took a seat on the arm chair, uncertainly. However, despite Monica's initial behavior, being the protective sister she was it didn't take long before they were both by themselves upstairs, at her apartment.

"...and then this morning when she told me she was with you, I just-"

"Wow, wait." he cut her. "You spoke to her this morning?"

"Yeah, around six something, I'm not sure. I kept calling her cellphone all night after Barry called me, asking about her."

Ross sighed.

"Well, that explains."

"What?"

"You were rude to her, weren't you?"

Monica frowned at him.

"A little, of course, Ross."

"Well, thank you very much then!" He said, sarcastically. "That must've been what triggered her panic attack this morning. She woke me up to take her to an ER."

Monica's eyes opened widely.

"Is she OK?"

"She is now, I guess."

"I-I'm sorry." Monica looked thoughtful. "I guess that would explain the pills."

"What pills?" He turned to his sister, interested.

She was quiet for a few seconds.

"Well, last night she came over and..." she opened her bag and reached for the bottles of pills. "these must've fallen out of her purse by accident."

Ross took them and analyzed them for a bit. After a while he looked down and then quickly up at Monica.

"Why did you call her when you found out about this? Why not me?"

"I don't know, Ross. I wanted to see what her side was, what was going on in her head."

"But why? You could've asked me what was going on."

"'Cause I wanted to know how she felt first, if she was just using you or something!"

"Huh?"

"I wanted to protect you, Ross!"

"Protect me?"

Monica looked down.

"You're my brother and you were vulnerable."

"You're making it sound like she's the bad guy here. If anything, I started this, Mon. I'm more to blame than she is."

Monica kept looking at him.

"Because you were horny and not getting any from Carol?"

Ross only half smiled.

"A little, yes, I'm not gonna deny it. And she was my high school fantasy. I was needy and she was suddenly willing and... I know it makes me the biggest jerk to cheat on my wife like that, Monica, but it just happened. But then... time went by and, you know, these feelings started showing and growing and..." He shook his head. "It's not just physical anymore, Mon. I..." he sighed. "I think I'm in love with her."

Monica bit her bottom lip.

"She really seems to care a lot about you too. I mean, when I asked her, she told me you were the best thing that had happened to her in a long time." She spoke quietly.

Ross smiled weakly.

"Yeah, she told me that." Monica half smiled back at him. "See, so... don't give her a hard time, Mon."

She looked away.

"I adore Rachel, Ross, you know I do. But... she looks... troubled." She gestured to the bottles of pills. Ross looked down. He had to admit there was something very wrong with Rachel. She was constantly sad and distant and her mood changes were inexplicable most of the time. "I used to think she was happy, that she had this perfect life she's always dreamed of. But last night... She really scared me. I'm really worried about her now. I'm worried she'll end up screwing this up and end up hurting everybody. And I know it's not my place to try and make things right for you two, but I just can't stand to sit here and watch it."

"I understand." He nodded. "I really wanna make this work, we'll try and do the right thing, sis."

"Then leave Carol!"

Ross kept looking at her, in silence.

"I don't understand the big fuss you're making here, you two." She continued. "I'm not upset because you guys fell in love. I know thee things happen sometimes and you can't stop them. I'm upset because you're not doing it the right way!"

"But what if she decides she doesn't want to leave Barry?"

Monica almost shivered when she noticed the look of fear suddenly very clear in his eyes. She approached him.

"Even if she doesn't, would you still continue to be married to someone you don't love anymore?"

Ross looked down.

"It's not that I don't love Carol..."

"Ross, you know what I mean. Don't settle for second best. If it's not Rachel, then, well, maybe it'll be someone else. You're not being fair to Carol."

Ross stood up and paced, frustration filling him.

"This is gonna sound really horrible, but right now what's best for her isn't really what's in my mind." He turned to look at his sister's shocked face. "You should see the way she's been treating me, Mon."

"Oh, and you're considering to stay married to that! I don't get you, Ross."

Ross shook his head.

"Monica, it's not always about love, OK? We get along well, most of the time, we have Ben to think about... I like the feeling of stability, of being settled with someone. I'm not gonna throw that away for possibilities. If Rachel makes up her mind, for sure, then we'll do it, we'll be together. If not..." he shook his head, while part of him was too disgusted with himself. "Then, then..." He trailed off. "Oh, damn it..."

Ross put his hand on his face and allowed himself to cry a little. What the hell was he saying? When had he become the sort of person who thought such things?

Monica approached her big brother, embracing him on a tight hug.

"It'll be OK. Just talk to her, alright?"

She kissed his head and sighed.

---

She woke up with the door opening.

"Oh, sorry, did I wake you?"

She rubbed her eyes. Since when did he care?

"That-that's OK. What time is it?"

She stared in awe as he walked into the room carrying a beautiful bouquet of white roses - he always mistook them for her favorites - and a bag.

"It's five fifteen. I've cancelled the rest of the appointments for the day to see how you were doing. Here." He handed her the flowers and left the bag on her bedside table.

"Thanks."

He kissed the top of her head and she sat up, watching as he dropped his keys and emptied his pockets on his desk.

"You know what we should do? We should go on a trip, what do you say?"

She parted her lips, surprised.

"Ah-I..." she gagged.

"We should go to Europe again. How about France and Italy? I could take a few days off and heck, you can choose, wherever you wanna go."

"We'll... think about it."

He smiled and approached, taking the flowers.

"I'll ask Dalva to put these in water for you."

"Thanks."

She looked after him and he walked up to the door.

"Shall I tell her to get dinner started? I stopped by the market and brought a lot of things."

She nodded.

"OK."

He left and Rachel ex-hailed loudly, leaning back against the head of the bed. He sure wasn't going to make things easier for her. She looked around and saw the bag he'd left for her. She opened it and found it full of bottles of pills. She looked down and got tears in her eyes. Ah, yes... Nothing like drugging your wife through the marriage to get exactly what you wanted. She tied a tight knot on the bag and stuffed it into the bottom drawer.

And then she stared at her phone.

---

He put the last folded shirt into the suitcase and zipped it shut. When he turned around to look one last time around the entire room, he found Carol standing by the door. He looked down and then nodded slowly.

"I guess I'm all done here."

She looked down and crossed her arms across her chest. A brief silence followed.

"Is it OK if I pick Ben up from school tomorrow? I wanna, you know, talk to him about this."

"Sure."

"Thanks."

He picked up his suitcase from the bed.

"I'll come by some other time to get the rest of my stuff."

"OK." He walked up to the door, but she got on the way and stopped him. "There's someone else, isn't there? And you were with her last night, weren't you? After you left me here, by myself..."

The quiet tears in her eyes broke his heart a little. The whole evening had been too long and quite possibly the hardest of his entire life.

"We've been through this, Carol. You know this marriage hasn't been working for a long time now."

She brushed her tears away with her knuckles.

"Why are you giving up on us now?"

"Damn it, Carol, don't throw this on me now! How many months have we been having problems and I tried working it out, trying to talk you into counseling or anything to get us out of this and you very strongly declined all of my attempts, huh?"

"Well, OK, let's do them now, then."

He shook his head.

"Now it's too late." Silence followed. "I'll be at Monica's for a while, until I get my own place."

Carol finally sobbed and moved out of his way. Ross looked down, took a deep breath and left.

* * *

Aw. Now, just to be clear, Ross and Carol did talk more than just that! Only it was before he started packing up his stuff, right after he got home, OK? I just didn't feel like writing it. Plus, it was not necessary, dramatically speaking. The important was this last bit ;) Anyway, so... My PC broke down a couple of weeks ago. It's fixed now, which explains the update. The laptop was still running, but not connected to the Internet. So I went ahead and wrote two chapters. The next one should be posted in a few days, depending on the reviews I get from this one. Also, life's been interesting and kind of busy, so don't expect much for the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading and keep those reviews coming, please :)


	16. Chapter 15

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

After hours of staring, she finally picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

A long silence followed.

"I left Carol."

She was speechless. He clutched to the phone tighter, waiting for her response.

"Where are you?"

"At Monica's. She has a spare room, so I'll crash here until I get my own place. I didn't go to work today, so... yeah, that's where I am right now."

She desperately jumped for it, without thinking twice.

"Can I come over?"

He smiled weakly.

"Please."

"Oh, but wait. Will it be OK? I mean, with Monica and all..."

"I promise it will."

"Then I'll be right there, sweetie."

That last bit made his insides tingle a bit.

"OK, see you."

---

Rachel bit her bottom lip and looked down. She hadn't spoken to or seen Monica since that phone call the morning before. Monica was quite possibly the one person out there Rachel could say that had ever been a true friend to her. The past few months had been amazing, reminiscing what they used to have and getting to know the new people they'd become. Rachel had been waking up. Discovering new possibilities to life, with both her and Ross.

She hated knowing she'd disappointed her friend. But maybe if she knew how she felt about her brother, then...

Rachel brushed a single tear away. Was it too weird to think of her as a part of that world? Being Ross' girlfriend, Monica's best friend, hanging out at the coffee house with the others and all that? It was quite different than what reality had always been to her. And maybe that was a good thing.

She looked up and finally knocked. After a few seconds, Ross opened the door. They smiled at each other.

"Hi." She said sweetly.

He took her hands on his and pulled her inside.

"Hey."

Rachel scanned the room quickly, Monica was not there. They kissed softly and Rachel looked down, visibly upset.

"Where's Monica?"

"She's in her room. You wanna... talk to her?"

She kept looking at him, just thinking.

"Later, I guess."

"OK then. Come here, we gotta talk."

She nodded. He led the way to the window through which they passed to go outside, to the balcony. They turned to each other.

She held his hands and unconsciously rubbed a very specific spot, feeling the place where his wedding ring used to be. They looked into each other's eyes, acknowledging the fact he was ready to move on from the failed marriage right away. She broke the look though. She looked down at her own hands, in his, and focused on her left hand. On the designer engagement ring that went perfectly with the wedding band on the same finger.

"So you really left her, huh?" Her voice was very soft.

He watched her for a very long time in silence.

"You know I-" He chose his words carefully. "like you, a lot." He looked down and sighed. "And I wanna be with you very much." He looked up at her and caught a glimpse of that beautiful, yet still very faint, smile of hers. "But I... this separation, leaving Carol... I want you to know that I'm doing this for myself, most of all."

She nodded, knowing that he was telling her that, in part, 'cause he was afraid she wouldn't leave her husband to be with him. Yet, he didn't want her to feel pressured, to leave him just 'cause he'd left his wife. It was a decision she'd have to make in spite of this.

"I'm gonna leave Barry."

His chest filled up with relief.

"Really?"

"Yes. Oh, honey, I..." She looked at his chest, raising her hands up to it, stroking it softly. "We've talked about how we don't know each other very well yet just yesterday, yes, but..." She paused. "I… I'm falling in love with you."

Ross smiled widely and raised her chin up, to get her to look into his eyes.

"Hey... I'm falling in love with you too."

They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, blissfully. Ross looked away only to check if Monica had come out of her room, make sure she wasn't looking, out of respect, before leaning close and kissing Rachel deeply. After they broke, she kept her hands on his cheek and sighed contentedly. The sound was music to Ross' ear, it stirred so many feelings.

"So, you took the day off?"

He kept his arms around her waist and stroked her lower back.

"Yeah. Told my boss what's going on, he was very understanding. Of course that means a lot of over time in the next few days, but..." Rachel chuckled. "Plus, I'm supposed to pick Ben up from school today. I wanna take him somewhere and talk to him about all of this."

"Oh, right."

"Yeah." Ross looked down. "He was asleep last night when I left, I didn't even get to say goodbye. It's gonna be really weird not having that little guy around everyday."

"I bet..." She eyed him, curiously. "And how was it with Carol?"

"It was... weird and... long." He paused. "She asked me if there was someone else."

Rachel's eyes widened up a bit.

"Oh. And what did you say?"

"I told her that's not what that was about. Our marriage had been dead long before you came along... There was just nothing to push us and make us face that." He brought her closer and smiled sweetly. "'Cause when I'm with someone and in love, I don't cheat. There is nobody else but the one I love."

Rachel blushed a bit, not used to having sweet words directed at her when she was by herself with someone. She didn't know any other way to respond but kissing him again.

Monica left her room and immediately spotted Ross and Rachel out in the balcony, the drapes were fully drawn up. She froze and couldn't help but watch them.

They were so...

They looked so... passionate. And... sweet.

She watched as Rachel ran one of her hands slowly through his hair and then down his back, so softly and... Monica couldn't explain it. She took a deep breath, finally convinced that they really did have something amazing going on. And that they could make something everlasting out of it. Her brother and her best friend. Monica smiled weakly and walked to the kitchen, starting lunch for three.

Ross and Rachel broke and smiled at each other. They hugged. Rachel closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of his body against hers, while he kissed her shoulder and finally noticed Monica by the kitchen counter, chopping something.

"Monica's out of her room."

Rachel broke the hug and turned to look.

"Oh."

"Wanna go talk to her?"

"I suppose I... should."

Ross noticed the tension in her and smiled.

"It's gonna be fine. I talked to Monica, she was just worried."

"Hm."

"Hey." She looked at him, he was smiling widely. "She said she was just upset because we weren't doing this right, we were cheating. But from now on, it's gonna be all different. Right?"

She smiled at him.

"Right." She kissed him softly and took a deep breath. "Alright, just give me a minute with her, then."

"OK."

She went inside and he watched her approach his sister.

"Hey."

Monica turned around and smiled weakly at her.

"Hey, Rach. I'm just making lunch. I hope you like mushrooms."

Rachel smiled back.

"Love them."

"Good."

Rachel watched as Monica kept on chopping some garlic.

"Listen, honey, can we talk?"

"Sure."

Monica ceased her actions and reached for a cloth, cleaning her hands as much as she could. Both took seats around the table, across from each other.

"I just... I wanna say I'm sorry for putting you on such position the other night, with Barry. Up until that moment I had no idea just how much I really like your brother and... well, he'd just ended things with me and I was a mess."

"But, Rachel, the things you told me that night, about being so miserable and..." Monica trailed off.

"Well... They're all true. Maybe a bit exaggerated. After all, as I've said, you didn't catch me on my best day." Rachel sighed. "But now..." She quickly turned around to take a peek at Ross, who was smiling at the girls. Rachel smiled back at him and then turned to smile at Monica. "You two have just... showed me how much better my life can be. And simpler, yet so much more full filled. I love you, Mon. And I… love your brother. And I'm gonna leave Barry. And... try to make things work, try to keep myself this happy."

Monica smiled.

"That's all I wanted to hear." Rachel nodded. "I just..." Monica stopped herself, not knowing how to approach the matter. "Ross told me about your little trip to the hospital yesterday. And hm... that night before, when you were here, these pills fell from your purse. I just wanna know if..." She kept looking at her friend. "Is this something I should I be worried about, Rach?"

Rachel shook her head.

"God, I hope not." Rachel said mostly to herself. Monica shot her a confused look and Rachel sighed. "I've been taking some pills for quite some time now. They help me... go through the days, so to speak, sometimes. When I start feeling a bit too..." she looked for the right word "overwhelmed... I..." She trailed off. "I'm toning it down though. I don't need them anymore, right?" She gave Monica a half smile.

Monica half smiled too, but with concern clear in her eyes.

"Whatever happens, I just want you to know you've got people here who love you and care about you very much, OK?"

Rachel nodded.

"I know. Thank you, sweetie."

They hugged. Just as they parted, Rachel's cell phone started ringing.

"Oh, excuse me, honey."

"Sure."

She walked up to her purse and took her phone. Staring at the screen, she didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?" She listened to the other side, casually. "Yes, this is she."

Monica watched as Rachel's look suddenly changed. How her eyes became darker, lost. Her lips parted on a silent gasp, so quiet, as if the wind had already been knocked out of her. Monica rose from her seat.

"What?" Rachel's soft voice spoke, as she raised a shaky hand to her face.

Ross climbed out of the balcony and approached Monica in a hurry, sensing something had happened.

"What is it?"

"Shhh!" Monica hit him on the arm, keeping her gaze still on her friend.

"Hm, OK, er, thanks for calling."

Rachel hung up and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"What happened?" Ross asked, approaching her and taking her hand.

She stroked her throat, her mouth running dry.

"Shit…"

* * *

I'm mean, I know. Sorry it took more than I expected to post. Life's been… what life is supposed to be for someone my age, anyway. Plus, I was having second thoughts about this. Just bear with me, I know what I'm doing. I think…! Lol. Anyway, please review, it means so much to me:) And thank you SO much, Vero:D


	17. Chapter 16

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

* * *

She closed her eyes.

She couldn't deal with it. She couldn't. She just... oh, God, she couldn't deal with it.

She had to.

She gave Ross' hand a light squeeze and opened her eyes again.

"What happened?" he asked her again, with a low and fearful voice.

"It's Jimmy." She wiped a tear away. "Barry's "little brother" Jimmy. He was involved in a car crash with his family. They said the girls and his wife seem to be OK, but he slipped into a coma. Oh, damn it!" She let go of his hand and walked away, brushing more tears away, sighing heavily to try to cope with the feeling that was quickly overtaking her.

"Oh, honey, we're so sorry." Monica said.

Rachel kept her back to them, trying to gather up some strength. She would need a lot of it.

It was going to kill Barry. After their parents' passing, Jimmy was the only family he had. Despite the distance - Jimmy lived with his wife Sarah and two kids in San Francisco - Rachel had never questioned their relationship. Besides, it was not just Barry. Rachel felt it deeply, also. Jimmy was such a great person, so full of life and love and laughter. She loved her brother in law and his family.

She felt Ross' strong embrace close around her, hugging her from behind. She sighed and couldn't help but think of Barry. The lady on the other side of the phone had told her Barry seemed to have been busy at the clinic - she knew he never took phone calls while he was with a patient - and so she had to be the one to go over there and tell him.

She felt bad for him, oblivious to what had happened. Just waiting for it to hit him like a ton of bricks.

It would be unfair of her to throw a few more and let him go through this alone, wouldn't it?

She wiped more tears away and stroked Ross' arm.

"Hm, I have to... go and tell Barry about this." she said, with her voice breaking.

"Sure."

He let go of her.

She turned around to face him and looked at him for a while.

"You understand I... have to... hm, you know" she sighed "be around him for a little longer and..." she shook her head, more tears running down her cheek "help him through this, right?"

Ross swallowed hard and nodded slowly, uneasy.

"Sure."

She leaned closer quickly and kissed him. A part of her knew she had to savour it as much as she could, maybe something would... Oh, Jesus.

She sobbed and pulled away.

He simply watched as she picked up her purse, received a loving hug from Monica and then left.

-

She hopped off the elevator on Barry's floor. She sighed and checked herself on a hand mirror before opening the door, she didn't want to look too devastated. OK, so her eyes were still a little red, but there was very little she could do about that. Every passing minute she involuntarily replayed the message she had received in her head and it never failed to refresh the tears in her eyes.

She grabbed a pair of sunglasses from her purse and entered.

"Hi, Mrs. Farber." the middle aged receptionist said, with a wide smile on her face. "What brings you here today?"

"Hi, Lisa. I need to speak to Barry, is he with a patient?"

"Yes, but Katie should be out in a second."

"Don't call the next patient, OK? I need to talk to him."

Lisa's expression turned into a worried one.

"Is there something wrong?"

Rachel looked down and nodded.

A few minutes later, his door opened and he walked his patient - a teenage girl with pink wires on her braces - out.

"Schedule again for two weeks, OK Katie?"

"M'kay, see ya!"

Barry saw Rachel and smiled.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

He approached her and her eyes filled yet with more tears when he kissed her forehead.

So oblivious to everything...

"Something happened, we need to talk." her voice was breaking already.

So much for wanting to be strong for him...

He got serious and led her into his office, a hand on the small of her back. Once inside, he closed the door and she turned to face him.

"What's wrong?"

She took off her glasses and sighed, looking at him.

"Jimmy was involved in a car accident with Sarah and the girls." Barry froze. "The girls and Sarah seem to be OK, but Jimmy was a little more complicated and he slipped into a coma."

"What?" Barry whispered.

"I'm sorry..."

"But- but..." he trailed off, looked away and backed away a few steps. "No, this can't be right."

Rachel sobbed and approached him. She hugged him and he buried his face on her shoulder. She stroked his back as he cried, somehow glad she could be of any help there, feeling needed at that place, at that time.

"They called me just about half an hour ago. He's gonna be OK, you'll see."

"How fast can you pack our bags?"

She pulled away from the hug.

"What?"

"I'm gonna attend the patients that are already here and ask Lisa to cancel the rest. Meanwhile, I want you to go home and pack our bags, OK? I'll call the travel agent and book us a flight for tonight."

Rachel nodded.

"OK."

He brushed his tears away and picked up his cellphone, starting to call the agency. Rachel sighed and left.

-

Rachel opened the two suitcases and placed them on their bed. She walked into her closet and started picking her clothes, carefully placing them on the long lounge couch in the middle of the room. Her cellphone started ringing, so she rushed to her purse and picked it up. Barry's name flashed on the screen.

"Hello."

"Listen," he began "I got us a flight for 5pm, OK? So we're gonna have to leave around three or something. I'll be out of here in about an hour then I'm coming home, OK?"

Rachel glanced at her watch, it was 1pm.

"Sure, OK."

"Bye."

"Bye..."

She hung up. She put the phone down, but kept looking at it. She sighed and picked it up again, dialing his number.

"Hey, how are you?" were his first words.

"As good as I could be, I guess."

"Right..."

She sighed.

"OK, here's the thing... I'm actually packing a bag now, Barry and I are going to San Francisco in a few hours."

Pause.

"What!"

"He wants to go and be with his brother, Ross..."

"In San Francisco?"

"Yeah, Jimmy lives there. Had I not mentioned it?"

"No, no you haven't!" discontent was clear in his voice. She just looked down and said nothing. She heard him take a deep breath on the other side. "When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

There was a long silence again.

"I'm sorry, Ross, but I just can't leave him like this. Not now. Please, try to understand that."

"I... I'll..." Pause. "I'll see you when you get back."

"Hey" she said, sensing he was about to hang up.

"What?"

"I'll miss you."

She waited a couple of seconds for his reply.

"I'll miss you too. Bye."

"Bye."

She hung up and sighed, hanging her head low and massaging her right shoulder.

Shit, she needed to be prepared.

She walked to her night stand, opened the bottom drawer and picked up a plastic bag. She untied it and emptied it inside her suitcase, watching the orange bottles hit ground and the pills within them shake.

Better safe than sorry.

-

Rachel stared out of the window as the plane took off, a blank expression on her face. She felt exhausted. And damn, she still had a long flight before her.

His hand reached for hers. She turned and looked at him, watching her with tired eyes. He smiled very weakly and she tried to smile back.

"Did you find out the name of the hospital?" she started nervously.

He nodded.

She looked out the window again, watching the setting sun and how New York spread down as far as her eyes could see, yet, little by little, being left behind.

"Hey, Rach." He called out for her attention.

"What?"

She turned back to face him.

"Thanks for being here."

She felt really guilty, but nodded and smiled just like a dutiful wife.

Rachel wondered how long he would keep acting like this. Was it a plan to torture her? A way to keep her and then go back to his usual self? Or perhaps was this a new Barry?

He leaned closer and kissed her

* * *

It's small, I know, I just needed to keep it going and I didn't want to stall. So I opted for this, I guess. It's pretty straight, simple and says nothing but what I believe is important to the story. For now, that's what I want. When I get some inspiration back, then we might have something more. You guys have ben so great. So this is for all the reviewers. I haven't been in the mood, but I pushed myself into doing this today because I owe it to you guys,. The old and the new readers ;) Thank you. And keep those reviews coming! As you can see, they push me! ;) 


	18. Chapter 17

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

- - -

Rachel and Barry landed on San Francisco a few minutes after 10pm, local time, after a brief stop in Salt Lake City. They left the bags in their luxurious hotel at Union Square and rushed to the hospital. By the time they got to the reception, it was almost midnight.

"Excuse, hi. I'm Dr. Barry Farber, I'm here to see my brother James Farber, I was informed he and his family were admitted here this morning?"

Rachel stood beside and admired how together Barry seemed.

They were sent up to the 5th floor and into Jimmy's room. As they walked in, Barry took a deep breath and his eyes filled up with tears. A nurse escorted them in.

"The doctor who looked after him when he first arrived went home, but if you'd like I can call an ER doctor who's on duty at the moment to explain everything."

Barry nodded slowly, seeming a bit overwhelmed at the moment. The nurse left.

He was slowly losing it.

Rachel watched it as Barry slowly approached the bed where Jimmy was lying, hooked to many machines. His sobs joined the beeps. Rachel ran a hand up his back and finally looked at Jimmy's face. His eyes were shut, he looked pretty pale, lifeless. She looked at the monitor and checked it, he had a heartbeat. He had bruises, a sutured cut on his forehead and a cast on his left leg. She hoped the coma at least numbed his pain.

She wiped a tear away and turned around when she saw the door opening.

"Mr. Farber?" The doctor asked.

Rachel looked back at Barry, but he didn't turn around or acknowledged the new presence in any way. So she stepped up and approached the doctor.

"Hi, I'm Rachel Farber, Jimmy's sister-in-law."

"I understand you two flew in from New York?"

"Yes."

The doctor picked up Jimmy's chart and started reading it.

"Well, it seems your brother-in-law lost conscience at the site of the accident. He hit his head and had minor interior bleeding, which we were able to repair with a small intervention. Now, what we're-"

Rachel waved her hand softly, shutting her eyes.

"Wait, wait, wait. Would you mind if I called my father, he's a doctor himself, and explaining all of that to him?"

The doctor shook his head.

"Absolutely not, whatever suits you best."

"Thank you."

She picked up her phone and dialed her parents' house number, knowing they would be sleeping, specially considering the time difference. She hadn't even had the time to call them and tell them about the last minute trip.

"Hello, daddy?"

"Rachel?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry it's so late, but something happened, I need your help. You remember Barry's little brother Jimmy, right? Well, he was involved in a car accident and Barry and I had to come to San Francisco tonight and I'm talking to the doctor and-"

"Alright, let me talk to him, sweetie."

Rachel smiled sweetly.

"Thank you." She handed the phone to the doctor. "Here."

As the specialized talk began, Rachel looked back at Barry. She looked down and then at the nurse, who'd just re-entered the room.

"So how are his wife and kids?"

"Oh, let me check." She picked up a few notes. "I'll be right back."

She left for a brief moment, then came back, holding a few papers.

"Sarah, Alexandra and Anna Farber, right?"

"Yes."

"OK, let's see. Sarah broke her right arm and had to stitch a few wounds, but we didn't find anything too serious in the exams we ran. Alexandra and Anna were both safe in their car seats and didn't suffer much, only a few scrapes and small cuts. We would have released them today if they had a place to go."

Rachel sighed relieved.

"Oh, thank God."

"You're gonna have to wait to see them next morning though."

"OK."

"Miss?" Rachel turned and looked at the doctor, who was handing the phone back to her. "Your father wants to talk to you now. I've explained the situation to him, he should be able to translate everything back to you."

"Thank you, Dr."

"Now I gotta go back down to the ER, if anything comes up just page me." He told the nurse, who nodded.

After speaking to her father, who lovingly assured Rachel Jimmy had been quite lucky under the circumstances and that he would most likely wake up soon, Rachel approached Barry again.

"Barry?"

He took his eyes away from his brother only to look briefly at his wife. Very briefly.

"Daddy thinks it's best if we go to the hotel now, get some rest and come back in the morning."

"No, I wanna stay here."

"But Barry-"

"I'm staying!"

She stood there, not knowing what to say.

"Actually, I'm gonna have to ask you two to leave the room now. It's hospital policy, we only let you in because of the circumstances, but now..." she trailed off. "You're more than welcome to spend the night at the waiting room, though."

"Then that's where I'll be." Barry said, taking one last look at his brother and leaving.

Rachel sighed and looked at the nurse, leaving after Barry.

---

She looked at her watch and sighed, cursing in her head. She looked over and saw how Barry had no trouble falling asleep in those damn uncomfortable chairs. Rachel changed position. To be fair, under a normal circumstance she would have found them very nice. Never to sleep on, however. Oh, so much for that beautiful room they were paying - an awful lot - for, with that marvelous bed she had only been allowed to take a peek at.

She breathed in the quietness of the place. They were the only ones in the waiting room, the atmosphere was quite still.

She heard two nurses speak on a reasonable distance. Then the silence ruled once again.

She glanced at her watch one more time.

It was morning in New York. She knew everybody was already up there, having breakfast, getting ready for another day of work.

She closed her eyes.

If life were simpler, she'd be there with them.

She opened her eyes.

Should she call him?

She remembered their last conversation and decided it would be best to wait a little longer.

With her heart and mind many miles again, she shut her eyes and once again tried to fall asleep.

-

"Whoa, what? Ross and Rachel?" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Yup." Monica beamed. "Now, I gave them a hard time at first, you know, considering they were both married and all, but... Oh, you guys, you should have seen them together. More important, you should've seen just how happy Ross looked. Like I haven't seen him in a long, long time."

Chandler was still in a daze.

"What!" He said with a high pitched voice.

Monica looked at him and smiled.

"Oh, man... And you told me we weren't allowed to hit on her, Monica." Joey whined.

Monica shot him a look. The guest room door opened and Ross stepped out, ready to work. Everybody stared at him, until he noticed.

"What?" They didn't say anything, but smiled in a way that gave them away. Ross stared at Monica. "You told them?"

"Yeah, but there's no harm telling them now, is there?" Monica skipped her way to him. "From all she said yesterday it's pretty much official now, isn't it?"

"Monica, I'm not even legally separated yet."

"We're not gonna tell Carol."

"She hasn't left her husband yet."

"Didn't you hear her yesterday? She's leaving that loser for you!"

"Monica, she's in San Francisco with that loser."

Monica stopped her giddy half dance.

"What?" Ross nodded, pouring some coffee into a mug, avoiding her eyes. "Why would she do that?"

"Whoa." Joey mumbled. "A little twist in the plot, interesting!"

Ross shot him a look.

"You know how her brother-in-law got in that car accident?"

"Yeah, but didn't she say she's leaving Barry as soon as that gets sorted out?"

"The man's in a coma, Monica, in San Francisco. She and Barry flew over yesterday and God knows when she'll be back."

"Oh, come on, bro, she'll be back here in a couple of days, I can tell."

Ross shook his head, sipping his coffee, not allowing himself to feed on any hope right now. Funny Monica would be the one offering some after everything that had happened over the past few days.

"Whatever, Mon, I gotta go to work. Bye everyone."

He picked up his briefcase and left.

"You're right, haven't seen him this happy in a long time." Chandler sarcastically commented, earning a look from his fiance.

Outside the door, Ross sighed and made his way down the stairs, trying hard to keep his mind off of her, of imagining what she was doing that exact moment. After much consideration the previous night, he'd decided he shouldn't expect anything from Rachel right now. She had stuff to do and so did he. He had to focus on himself. He was getting out of a long marriage, saying goodbye to the only woman he'd even been with, that he'd ever loved. Well, before Rachel came along, anyway. Maybe he could - and should - use her time away to take care of himself, bond with his son, structure his life again.

He still had to search for an apartment of his own, contact a lawyer and get started on his divorce paperwork.

He missed her, of course. And he wished she'd come back. Soon. That exact moment. Hell, yesterday, if it were possible. But he opted for sanity and hopefully she'd also do the right thing. He'd done his part, now there was nothing he could do for her.

It was her turn to give.

---

"Rachel?"

She blinked softly, snapping out of her brief sleep.

"Fresh out of the pot?"

She turned around and saw Barry offering a cup of coffee. She took it and sit up straight.

"Thanks."

He sipped the cup on his hand.

"Good morning."

She just nodded in response, a little sore from having to sleep in the waiting room. He looked at her and noticed how she moved her spine, trying to get the pain to subside.

"How's he doing today?"

"The doctor says he's pretty much the same, but I can tell he's a little better. Almost as if he knows we're here."

Rachel gave him a half smile.

"Well, maybe he does."

"I was just so crazy last night I was even considering having him moved to another hospital. Maybe somewhere in L.A.."

"Barry, that's crazy, daddy said-"

He cut her.

"I know what your father said, I spoke to him today."

"Huh?"

Barry picked up her cell from his pocket.

"He called. You were out, so I answered it."

Rachel froze.

"Oh. Was he the only one who called?"

The minute the words poured out of her mouth she realized the mistake she'd made. The nervousness was pretty clear in her voice. He glared at her, well knowing this had something to do with her behavior the past few weeks, the night she stayed out. But, again, he didn't say anything.

"No, nobody called."

He handed the phone back to her.

"I'm on my way to the cafeteria to go and have breakfast before I can go and see the girls. You coming?"

"Sure."

---

Just so you know, my knowledge on hospital policies and medicine comes basically solely from watching ER, Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy. I didn't research any of that, so forgive me for mistakes. And all I know of San Francisco comes from spending three days there, not nearly enough. Oh, and bear in mind that in therms of "Friends" timeline, this is happening around the 6th-7th season. But because Rachel wasn't there since the beginning, a lot happens to be AU. You're just gonna have to accept whatever I write, I'm afraid. Lmao! It's not that I don't have enough knowledge on the show, believe me. It's just how I've chosen to do it, m'kay? Thanks ;) OK... I was gonna write more to this chapter, but I think it is better if I give you something now and start working on the next chapter. Some of you have been asking about the length of this and, well, all I have to say is that it is nearing the end, kind of. I can't tell you how many more chapters to go 'cause I honestly don't know. But we're getting there. Please leave me a review ;) P.S. Urgh, when did ffnet become so mac unfriendly?


	19. Chapter 18

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

- - -

On their way back from the cafeteria, Barry and Rachel stopped at the gift shop, on the search of something that might help ease their nieces' feelings.

"How old are they again?" she questioned as they entered the store.

Last time they'd seen the girls was right after Anna was born and Rachel's confused mind wouldn't let her place the memory in time.

"Alex must be around three now, maybe four. Anna's about a year old, I think."

"Cute." Rachel mumbled.

"Oh, look at this, Rachel."

She turned around and saw him holding a very tiny baby shirt. Across the chest she could read the words "I left my heart in San Francisco".

Rachel glared at him.

"I'm no expert, but I'm thinking that won't be fitting either of them anymore."

Barry shot him a look.

"Not for them. For our baby."

Rachel froze. It had been quite a few days since he'd last mentioned anything about that, as it had also been a while since he'd last pushed her into "trying". She gave him a nervous smile and approached a shelf filled with teddy bears.

-

"Here they are."

The nurse walked Rachel and Barry to the little girls' hospital room. They stood by the door for a moment, watching the girls through the glass.

"Wow, they sure have grown up." Rachel commented.

"Oh, that's right, you haven't seen them in a while."

"Yeah."

Barry was constantly making up excuses to visit his brother and his family. Every time he left New York he somehow managed to make a quick escape to San Francisco, always claiming he was out already, so he might as well make a trip out of it, no matter if he was in Nevada or Florida. Being those usually business related trips, Rachel always stayed home by herself.

"OK, let's go."

Barry entered the room and Alex, the older girl, shifted her eyes from the television to them. At the sight of her uncle, she smiled weakly.

"Hi, Alex."

"Hi, Uncle Barry."

"Come here, give me a hug."

Rachel crossed her arms and watched, an uncomfortable frown on her face. She had never seen Barry interact like that with a child before. Given that they'd been married for nearly seven years now, that really said something.

Alex hugged her uncle.

"Where's my mommy?"

"Your mom is fine, she just got a little hurt, but she's OK and I bet she misses you. I can take you to go and see her, what do you think?"

Alex smiled.

"OK!"

Barry turned around and looked at Rachel.

"Hey, Alex, do you remember your Aunt Rachel?"

Alex made a cute shy face and shook her head. Barry gestured for Rachel to approach. She did.

"Here, she met you when you were a little baby, but I guess you were too young to remember any of it."

"Hey, Alex." Rachel said, uncertainly.

"Hi..."

The nurse walked into the room.

"Dr. Ryan has signed them out. Are you two gonna take them?"

Barry stood up and approached her.

"I'm their uncle, so I'm thinking yeah."

"OK, could you just come with me for a little while?"

"Sure." He turned back to Rachel and the girls. "I'll be right back."

"OK."

He left.

Rachel stood uncertainly. Her eyes traveled around and found Anna, sleeping on a bassinet. She approached it slowly and smiled. She was such a beautiful baby.

The silence was beginning to get unbearable, so Rachel turned around and looked at Alex again. The little girl had her eyes fixated on the bags with the presents, curiously.

"Oh, these are for you, sweetie, I'm sorry." Rachel took the bags and handed one to Alex, who smiled. The little girl opened it and got a teddy bear out of it. She hugged her new toy, adoring it.

Rachel watched and couldn't prevent her eyes from filling up with a few tears. What if she lost her dad, if he never woke up again? Rachel herself couldn't even begin to imagine what her life would be like without her father, let alone a four year old who relied so much on her parents. And yet, there she was, playing with a new teddy as her father was lying in a coma, just a few floors down. The joys of oblivion.

-

When Ross and Rachel entered Sarah's room, Rachel uncomfortably holding Anna and Barry holding Alex by the hand, she had company. She was lying on the bed, her visitors - three women in their mid twenties, just like Sarah herself - pampering her as they could. One of them was fluffing her pillow, while the other two were stroking the hair. Though Rachel spotted a miserable expression in her face, the minute her eyes landed on her children they lit up. Sarah smiled and her eyes filled up with tears. Rachel admired just how beautiful her sister in law was. She was short, tanned, had curly brown hair and big green eyes.

"Oh, my babies!" She said with a heavy latin accent that refused to fade after seven years of living in the United States.

"Mommy!"

Alex ran up to the bed and one of Sarah's friends helped her up.

"Sweetie, be careful, OK?" The friend recommended.

But Sarah didn't care. She wrapped her free arm - the right one was on a cast - around her child, embracing her into a tight hug.

"Are you OK?" She asked her.

Alex just nodded. Sarah smiled at her and then looked up at Rachel and Barry. Rachel slowly approached, handing Anna carefully to her mother, who had trouble at first but then managed to hold her child despite her condition. Sarah smiled down at her baby and then looked up at her in laws again.

"Thank you so much. When did you get here?"

"Last night." Barry said.

"You guys, these are Barry Rachel. Barry's Jimmy's big brother and Rachel's his wife. These are Jenny, Paula and Heather, some friends of mine."

"Nice meeting you."

"Hey."

"You too."

"Have you contacted your family yet, Sarah?" Barry asked.

"Yes, they're trying to catch a flight as early as they can. Mom and Dad's visa have expired though, so they're having a hard time renewing that...!"

"I heard that can be a real pain sometimes."

Sarah sighed.

"I'll say... Dad knows some people who might help though, so..."

Rachel mused on how different things were now. Back when Jimmy and Sarah met, Rachel could sense the resentment in his voice, as well as in his parents', that their young boy had fallen in love with a latina. Which was all eventually forgotten, of course, as her family proved to be very wealthy and influential back in Mexico. However, just like Jimmy, Sarah was a simple person, with other priorities in life.

A brief silence fell upon the room. Alex was apprehensively looking at her mother, obviously staring at the stitched wound on her forehead. Rachel shifted her weight to another leg, then back to the other when Barry took hold of her hand.

"How's Jimmy?" Sarah finally gathered up the courage to ask.

"He's doing better." Barry assured her.

"Barry." Sarah said, silently pleading for the truth.

Barry sighed.

"He's still in a coma." He squeezed Rachel's hand tighter, as if expecting that to give him a little more support. "But I spoke to the doctor, he's really optimistic. He also spoke to Rachel's father on the phone, who's a doctor himself. He assured us Jimmy's doing well, that soon enough he must be up."

"Soon enough?" She repeated, making a point that soon enough wasn't enough at all. Soon enough would be if he was already up, if none of this had even happened.

Barry took a seat next to the bed, pulling Rachel to come with him.

"What happened?"

Sarah looked away and was in silence for a few seconds. Her friends all stood up.

"We're gonna take the girls to show them something, OK? Do you want anything from the vending machine, Alex?"

"Yeah!"

One of them picked up Anna, the other playfully grabbed Alex and the other followed them out, giving Sarah a playful, supportive in its own way, wink.

"How did this happen, Sarah?"

"It was so fast." She wiped a tear away. "It was still dark. We had decided to take the girls up to Yosemite for the day... We were driving and-" She shook her head, recalling. "there was this animal on the road, it appeared out of nowhere, I think it was a dog. Jimmy quickly maneuvered and, and then I guess me must have lost control of the car, I..." She trailed off and held her head. "It's all I can remember."

Barry sighed and looked down. It was Rachel who squeezed his hand now, hoping it would take away the tears that had appeared in the corner of his eyes.

The door opened and a doctor walked in.

"Sarah Hernandez Farber?"

"Yes." She said as she sniffed softly.

"Well, everything looks good in your exams, we just wanted to keep you overnight to make sure there was no further damage. I'm signing you out, but you'll have to come back in a week to check on your forehead and the cast should be off within a month, alright?"

She sighed in relief weakly, at least it was one less thing to worry about.

---

Rachel stepped into the shower and sighed, so glad to have some alone time. She let the water run down as she just stood there, looking down, enjoying the sensation. It was as if the water washed out some of her frustration. Just some. It was the best she could get at the moment.

After she finished, she wrapped herself around a towel and approached the long black marble sink, where she emptied her bags filled with beauty products. She applied some, blow-dried her hair, then applied some more. Satisfied, she quickly put on the clothes she'd brought in with herself and stepped out.

"OK, I'll be out in five so we can go back to the hospital." Barry announced as he walked into the bathroom.

Rachel sighed, dreading the idea. She looked out the window, they had a wonderful view of the city. She looked down at Union Square and let her eyes lazily longer on the shops. A little shopping spree one of those days would definitely calm her down. Argh, focus, Rachel.

---

The room was silent. The only noises that could be heard were the beepings of the machines and Rachel's eventually page flips, as she dug through the latest issue of Vogue. Barry was staring intently at his brother. Sarah observed him, he looked like a ticking bomb. Three days it had been, and the three of them had been locked up inside that room, it seemed, while the little girls usually stayed at the hospital's day care in the first floor. Sarah looked down, that couldn't be healthy for any of them.

"You guys should go out,"

"What?" Barry questioned.

"There's no need for the three of us to stay here, Barry. You guys should go and do something for a couple of hours, maybe take the girls with you if you could, I'm sure they'll appreciate it."

"But what if something-"

"If something happens then I'll call you. Don't worry." Barry kept looking at her. "We'll take turns if you want. Now you two go and I don't wanna see you back for another two hours."

Barry smiled weakly at Sarah and then looked at Rachel, who nodded. They stood up and walked to the door.

"Any suggestion on what we should do with the girls?"

"There's a Ben and Jerry's by pier 39. They also like to see the sea lions and the seals that stay there. You'll hear it, can't miss them." She said with a weak smile.

"OK, then that's where we'll be. Don't forget, if anything happens-"

"I'll call."

---

Being a random October monday, the pier was quiet, not many tourists around. Rachel pushed Anna on her stroller towards a bench, while Barry went to pick up some ice cream with Alex.

Rachel took a seat and arranged the stroller in a way that Anna would be facing her. The baby was awake and just stared at Rachel.

Rachel smiled. She was such a well proportioned mix of both her parents. She had Sarah's tan skin and green eyes, while the nose and lips looked a lot like Jimmy's.

She leaned closer and made a cute sound, hoping to make her smile. But Ana didn't look so amused. Rachel then shook some toys that were hanging above Anna's head in the stroller. Again, Anna watched it with disdain.

"Not funny, huh? How about a song, huh? Ah, who am I kidding? Oh, sweetie, Aunt Rachel can't sing."

Anna gave her a half smile, as if understanding what Rachel was telling her. Rachel smiled widely. She was usually never really in contact with kids, even though most of her friends had them. However, they were always surrounded by nannies, which usually ruled out any physical contact. And yet... This wasn't much, but Rachel thought she was doing well with her nieces. And she liked it.

"You have to meet Rex!" Alex said as she approached Rachel, holding a cup filled with chocolate ice cream.

"Rex?"

"Yeah, she's my favorite sea lion! He always answers me when I talk to him!"

Rachel smiled at Alex's excitement.

"OK then, let's go and meet him."

She stood up and Barry approached her, holding an ice cream cone himself. Without asking, he took some in his spoon and pointed it towards Rachel's lips.

"Their butter pecan is the best."

She took it and smiled weakly. Silently, they made their way to the side of the pier, where they could face a numerous group of sea lions and seals that sun bathed in large wooden floats in the sea. Alex rushed to the wood fences and stared at them, who started "singing", as she put it. Contently, she "sang" back, trying to imitate their sound.

"See, Rex must be around here somewhere!" She said, looking at them carefully.

Rachel smiled, wondering what was the four year old's method for telling them apart.

Barry hugged her from behind, both watching Alex trying to communicate with the animals.

"This was a great idea." He whispered.

"Yeah..." She whispered back.

After a couple of minutes, they broke apart when they heard Anna squealing with delight. Rachel chuckled and looked at the baby, who was laughing at her sister. Rachel carefully picked her up from the stroller, smiling. She approached the fences and stood next to Alex, being filled by a sensation she had never felt so strongly before. She looked at her nieces with adoration.

"_Oh, I want one..._" She thought to herself.

---

It may seem like I'm wasting time, but I can't rush, sorry, I'm building something. You can't quite see it yet, and maybe you won't even when it's done. But I have a process, I need to take my time and do things in a way that in the end everything fits, you know? So be patient. On a good note, I am very much into this again, so I expect it to keep on coming on a nice flow ;) I wanna finish it soon, but I don't wanna rush. Oh well... let's see how it goes. For now, woot, leave me a review, please? Pretty please? ;) And I know Ross wasn't in this chapter. And yes, I miss him too. But it had to be done.


	20. Chapter 19

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

- - -

Ross looked around the room and smiled.

"Wow. This is perfect for me."

He looked out the window and couldn't believe he was in the apartment they all used to stare at all the time for all those years. Ugly naked guy's place. Who would have guessed it was so cozy?

Monica smiled at her big brother and hugged him.

"Plus, you get to be really close now."

Ross put on a half uncomfortable face.

"I just hope you and Chandler remember to shut the drapes..."

Monica broke the hug and shot him a look.

Ross kept analyzing the room, mentally picturing his future furniture filling the empty space. He sure still had a lot of shopping ahead, he didn't even have a bed yet.

"Hey, so... Have you spoken to Rachel lately?"

"No." He casually answered, almost as if he didn't care. Monica knew him better than that, though.

"She hasn't called since she left?"

"No."

"And I'm assuming neither have you."

Ross looked at his sister for a while.

"Monica, I..." He shook his head, trying to figure out how to put it. "With Rachel being gone for a while and leaving me hanging, I've been thinking a lot and... This is for the best."

"What do you mean?"

"I could use some time for myself, to be alone for a while and get back on my feet. I left Carol for me, not for her."

"But what about your feelings? I thought you..." She trailed off, a little scared to say it. "I thought you loved her?"

Ross sighed.

"I do, Monica. But maybe we need some time off. I would love for her to be here and... I don't know, if things were different we might be able to be together now, but they're not."

Monica watched him.

"You mean if she'd just get over and leave Barry?"

By the look on his face, sour and a little hurt, Monica knew she'd hit a sore spot.

"That and other things. It's not that easy, Mon."

She decided not to press the wound harder. But from what she could see, it was all very simple. However, maybe he was right. Maybe some time apart would do him some good. As for Rachel... Monica understood her position aswell, to wait around before this crazy fog lifted and she could leave her husband. She just wished her friend would be a little more transparent about it to her brother. Why was it so hard for those two to simply communicate?

---

Sarah's fifteen years old sister Ines and her mother Marina proved to be greater shopaholics than Rachel herself. After spending their first day in San Francisco at the hospital with Jimmy, they had gone on a little shopping spree around the Union Square area to try and unwind a little, taking Rachel and Sarah along and leaving the men on the watch.

"Mama, look mama!" Ines spoke in her poor English as she was instructed - for they were in Rachel's presence and it would be rude for them to speak on a language she did not understand - while she pointed at a bag in the Dior display.

Marina approached the glass and lowered her sunglasses to look at the price.

"OK, inside now."

Ines almost skipped in, pleased. Sarah dragged herself behind, while Rachel put a playful hand on the small of her back, smiling weakly at her. She knew Sarah considered those things shallow and so on, but she always kept it to herself, always careful not to disrespect the people she loved for something so small.

"These things are so cheap in here, we have to enjoy it." Marina told Rachel, who watched her curiously.

"Really? How much does it cost there?"

"About three times what it's charged here."

"Wow. Then I bet you guys enjoy it when you come over."

"I'll say." Sarah told her.

Rachel smiled weakly, glad to see Sarah joking. Though Jimmy still hadn't woken up, he seemed a little better and everybody's spirit was lightening up a bit, specially since the arrival of the Hernandez family.

While Ines and Marina discussed the bag they wanted with the sales lady, Rachel wandered around the room, tempted to take the entire store home herself. She had been putting off shopping the past few days, focusing on the realization that Barry would be paying for all of that, as it had always been in their marriage. But now, it was supposed to be over. If she considered things between them through, their marriage taking its last breaths for a very clear motive, then his money wasn't hers to spend like that anymore.

Sarah took a seat next to where Rachel was standing, looking at the dresses.

"Not gonna take anything?"

"Ah..." Rachel looked uncomfortable, trying to hide the fact she was dying for that black dress she couldn't help but admire through the corner of her eyes. "Nah, I- I'm OK."

"Can't say I'm recognizing you, Rach."

Rachel looked at her and said nothing. She just kept on smiling weakly.

"It's not just this though." Sarah kept looking at Rachel intently. She couldn't say she knew Rachel all that well, but she knew her enough to notice the difference. "I don't know, there's just something about you."

"I hope it's a good thing."

Sarah chuckled.

"It is." She paused. "You know, I was talking to Alex the other day and she told me how much she liked her Aunt Rachel."

Rachel smiled adoringly.

"She did?"

"Yeah. And see, that's one of the things... Before, you would never even hold her, remember?"

Rachel nodded.

"Yeah, babies make me nervous. Or used to, I don't know."

Sarah's eyes brightened up.

"Oh, Rachel...! Are you... Are you pregnant?"

Rachel chuckled.

"No, I'm not."

"Oh."

Rachel sighed and thought about it.

"Barry's... been... wanting to, though. But I... I'm not sure."

"Oh, Rachel, you should totally do it. I think you're gonna be an amazing mom."

Rachel smiled weakly at her.

"Thanks."

Rachel thought about it while Sarah went to help her mother speaking to the sales woman.

Maybe she really would be an amazing mom. For the first time in her life, she allowed herself to believe that. She had a lot of love to give. And she had enough patience too. If she had endured all those hard years with Barry, she felt like she could handle anything. Besides, the father would be of great help too, she mused.

She felt a pang of guilt.

She hadn't spoken to Ross since her arrival in San Francisco. It was overwhelming. And it's not like she hadn't thought about it. Many times had she picked up the phone and dialed half his number before giving up. She didn't know what to say and she was afraid to hear the disappointment, the frustration in his voice. She knew he expected her back with him as soon as possible, and she was failing on slowly showing Barry that she was there only as a friend now. Besides, she would hate to feel the way she felt last time they spoke.

But she couldn't keep on delaying it.

Looking over at the girls, who had now found a new model of a hand bag and were posing on with different colors in front of the mirror, Rachel picked up her phone and called him. She owed him too much to simply leave him hanging like that.

After a few rings, he picked it up.

"Hello." He said it with a casual voice.

"Hey, Ross..." She said it with a sweet one.

"Hi, Rachel." He maintained his tone. She frowned slightly.

"Listen, I'm sorry I haven't called before, things have just been very weird here. Jimmy isn't up yet and... you understand, right?"

"Sure."

She couldn't believe her ears. No emotions. Neither was he excited to hear from her, nor was he showing any sign of anger. And at that point, anything would be better than this indifference in his voice. She looked down and tried to reach him one more time.

"How have you been?" She asked in a low voice.

"Fine." He paused, but just until he realized she was expecting more. "I got my own place already, but I need to buy some new furniture so I'm still staying over at Monica's."

"Wow, so soon? That's great!" Brief silence. "And how's Ben?"

"Good."

This time a long silence followed, and each passing second broke Rachel a little.

"Ross, I told you I'm sorry..."

"And I said I understand."

"But you..." She didn't know how to put it. "You're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Rachel."

"Then why are you treating me like this?"

"Rachel, I am trying to be supportive."

"You don't even seem to care!"

"What do you want me to do? Rachel, you left me here while you fled to the other side of the country with your husband, who you promised you'd leave! I'm trying not to expect anything because, really, why should I? I told you before, I left my wife because of me and you know what, I'm doing fine here. I didn't think I would, but I am."

Rachel froze, in a loss of words.

He didn't need her.

He was doing well without her. He didn't need her like she needed him.

There was so much she wanted from him, so much she thought she couldn't do without him. But if he didn't need her back, what was the point?

She tried to recompose herself and sighed.

"Well, good for you, Ross."

She didn't know what else to say, so she slowly hung up after not hearing anything back from the other side.

A few seconds later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and Sarah was smiling weakly at her.

"OK, we can go now."

Rachel bit her bottom lip.

"Alright, now I'm gonna show you how a pro does it."

And for the next three hours the girls went into the major stores - Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Versace, Burberry and of course Saks and Macy's - and shopped till they (almost) dropped.

---

Rachel entered the hotel room and dropped her numerous bags on the floor. Damn it, she would probably need to buy a new suitcase now, these things would definitely not fit with the luggage she'd brought. Ah, she'd worry about it later. After all, she didn't even know when they were heading back home yet.

Something caught her attention. She walked to the desk near the bed and picked up the baby shirt Barry had bought a few days ago at the hospital gift shop. She looked at it intently, letting her mind drift a little.

At that moment, the bathroom door opened and Barry stepped out after a shower, the towel still wrapped around his waist.

"Oh, hey." Rachel said, surprised to see him.

He smiled weakly at her, while searching for clothes inside his suitcase.

"Hey.

"I thought you'd be at the hospital."

"Marco and Fernando sent me out. They said I had to shower and finally get a good night of sleep."

She looked at her watch and realized it was seven.

"Oh."

"How about you, how was shopping?"

"It was good."

She noticed how his eyes found the many shopping bags and could swear he looked satisfied to see how many there were.

"Hm, listen, Barry, I've been meaning to ask you..." She paused, not wanting it to come out the wrong way. "We've been here for a week and Jimmy's... he's better, I guess, but he still hasn't woken up and... Well, I just wanna know if you have any idea when we might go back home?"

Barry watched her for a while. She could tell he was wondering if she had an ulterior reason to be asking that.

"I don't know."

"What about your patients?"

"Rachel, this is my priority right now. I don't think anybody's gonna die back in New York because of my absence!" He said, a little hostile now. Rachel just watched him and he sighed. "Anyway, I contacted this retired colleague to take some of the work back at the clinic for now, so there's no rush."

"OK, I was just wondering..." She said, raising her hands in defense.

She started opening her shopping bags, while Barry watched. As she fumbled inside a Macy's, she was surprised to pull out a teddy bear from it.

"Did you pick that out for out baby?"

Rachel looked at him, still confused.

"No!" She panicked. She looked back at the stuffed animal and sighed, trying to think of how the item had found its way into her bag. Oh, right. "Sarah." She said with a sigh. "Urgh, she must've put it into my bag while I was in the changing room at Saks."

Barry approached her, smiling. He put his arms around her waist and Rachel closed her eyes.

"I don't know about you, but that just gave me a whole batch of inspiration here."

He kissed her neck and Rachel squeezed the toy to ease her feelings.

She thought of Ross, of their phone call earlier that day, of the things he'd said to her.

He was back in New York, putting his life together, doing fine without her. And there was Barry, right next to her, willing to give her whatever she wanted. Needing her. Leaning on her so much the past few days. So obviously terrified of losing her.

Rachel dropped the toy and turned around, reaching for her husband's lips.

They kissed until Rachel could feel his arousal between them. Before he could remove the towel, she broke the kiss.

"I'll be right back." She whispered to him, rushing to the bathroom.

She rubbed tears from her eyes, sobbing quietly. She looked into the mirror and looked away, not able to face the mess she had become.

God, she didn't want to think. She didn't want to face the facts or feel the pain.

She reached for her make up bag and pulled out two bottles of pills she was keeping there in case of emergency. She took three and swallowed them at the same time, gagging slightly from the quick act, but able to get them all down.

For a moment, she simply leaned against the wall and took long breaths, with her eyes closed.

After she was able to calm her breathing, she washed her face and brushed her hair calmly.

"Rachel, are you coming or not?" She heard Barry ask on the other side of the door.

She took another breath and left.

Barry was lying on the bed, still with the towel around his waist. He raised his arm towards her and she held his hand. He pulled her towards him, so she laid down on top.

They started kissing and Rachel wasn't surprised to feel his hands get to work quickly. They went down her back to her butt, all the way to the back of her legs and then up again, repeating the process until they eventually rested on her legs, reaching for the insides. To try and stop him, Rachel rolled over and he took it as a hint to come on top himself. He broke the kiss and looked down at her, unbuttoning her blouse. Rachel turned her head away and he enjoyed the opportunity to kiss her neck.

His lips went down from neck to her chest. Though she was beginning to feel lighter from the medication, she still couldn't get herself to feel comfortable.

Oh, and this was just the beginning. Rachel focused on his ready to go body and pictured her next few minutes. She cringed at the thought of it and put a hand on Barry's chest, pulling him away.

"I'm sorry, Barry, no."

She got up and disorientedly walked towards the door, barely able to hear Barry's protests, while buttoning her shirt back. She picked up her purse and left.

Inside the elevator, her mind was lazily racing. Too many thoughts and yet she was in no condition to keep up with them.

She'd made it. Many times had she made love to Barry when all she wanted to do was push him away and now she'd finally made it.

Oh, stupid!

And now what? What the fuck was she to do? Ross didn't want her! She didn't know what the hell it was they had anymore. How foolish she had been.

Maybe she should just go back to the room, apologize to Barry and get it over with. Aw, maybe giving him that baby he wanted would make things better for them. She would have a child to care for, to give all this love she had stored. The child would make her happy like no man would.

She hung her head low.

That didn't seem right. Would she really handle to continue to be married to Barry? To carry his child in her womb?

Jesus, what should be the next step? She was so lost. She didn't even know where to go. She was in a strange city, all alone.

The door of the elevator - which had eventually began moving without Rachel even realizing it - opened and she stepped out when she noticed where she was. It was the lounge floor.

A few minutes later, with a glass of fine wine on one hand, she used the other to search inside her purse. She pulled out her cellphone and stared at it for a while.

After gathering up some courage, she dialed the number.

When she heard the voice on the other side, her eyes filled up with tears.

"Hello?"

Rachel took a long time to reply.

"Hello, who is this?"

Rachel sobbed.

"Monica, help me."

- - -

Huge thank you to Vero, for uploading this for me ;) Anyway, I don't know if Dior actually puts the price on the display, let's just assume they do, OK? And Ugly Naked Guy's apartment... I know how it happened in the show. But this is how it happens in my fic, haha. And this may be a little more dramatic than I expected (and oh so poorly written!), but it works. Rachel's been under a lot lately, it just boiled up, OK? Which made her feelings for Ross and her insecurity multiply. Anyway, now leave me a review, please? The end is drawing near, it's making me sad, aw... :( Anyway, this probably has a gazillion mistakes, but I'm too tired right now and I wanna post it ASAP, so... forgive me.


	21. Chapter 20

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

---

"Rachel?"

"I am so fucked up..."

"Honey, what happened?"

Rachel pushed her drink away - it suddenly occurred to her she shouldn't be mixing alcohol with the pills she'd just had, and it surprised her a little that she worried about it at this point - and then used that free hand to support her face, her elbow resting on the table.

"Ross and I had a fight. And I, I don't know what to do, Mon...! I- I've also left Barry hanging in our room just now, I just..."

Monica sighed. Rachel was a mess. And... she wasn't sure she wanted to see her around his brother anymore, not like this. Specially now, when he was so vulnerable, going through something so big as a divorce. She'd been upset when Ross had said he needed some time for himself, but now she completely understood him. On the other side, Rachel was her friend - possibly her best friend - and needed a strong helping hand. And that Monica sure had.

"Rachel, do you wanna stay married?" She asked, even though the topic had already been discussed and she well knew the real answer to it.

She heard nothing from the other side for a few seconds, followed by an unsuccessful attempt to stifle a sob.

"No. No, I don't."

"It seems very clear to me when you should do, then..."

"But what about what Barry's going through now?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Rachel. Look at yourself. You're not OK there, you're not gonna be able to help him putting yourself through this like you have."

"Oh, Mon, but he needs me right now... Now's not the right time."

"It's never gonna be the right time. It's never a good time to break up a marriage. Now it's this, next month it's his mother's birthday, then there's some party to go to...!" She paused for effect. "It's never gonna be the right time." She repeated.

"You're right..." Rachel said softly, after a brief silence.

"Of course I am." Monica said in a casual voice, trying to breeze up the conversation. And it worked, because Rachel chuckled softly.

"Thanks, Mon. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. You know I'm here for you."

There was a silence and Monica could tell what Rachel was thinking about.

"So how's Ross?"

"He's... he's doing well, Rachel. And you need to be happy for him for that."

Rachel looked down.

"I am. I just..." She trailed off. "Nevermind."

Knowing her friend too well, Monica said:

"It's not that he doesn't love you. Or needs you, for that matter. He's just... he's been with Carol since like forever. This is the first time in his adult life he's doing it on his own and he should be proud for being successful at it, don't you think?"

"I guess."

There was a comfortable and well needed silence.

"Promise not to hate me?"

"I'll try not to."

"I think you could use some alone time too."

Rachel looked down. She didn't want to admit it, but part of the reason she was so upset things weren't working with Ross the way she thought they would was because she was hoping to skip from one man to another like that, so she wouldn't have to face any responsibility by herself. It absolutely terrified her to make it on her own. She was so sure she would fail at it.

Once again, Monica heard Rachel sob.

"Maybe you're right, Monica, but... God, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I've never done anything important with my life and everything else had something to do with Barry or with the fact that I was married. Take that away, what do I have?"

"Rachel, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for! You're one of the most amazing people I know, OK? And I will not let you think that this marriage is what defines you."

Soft sobbing.

"I don't wanna be alone..."

"Catch the next plane to New York, alright? Call me when you know what time you'll be here and I'll pick you up. We'll figure out what to do. You are not alone, honey. Not now, not ever."

Rachel finally smiled, so grateful she had Monica once again in her life.

"OK. Thank you, sweetie."

"Anytime."

Rachel sobbed one last time.

"I don't wanna stay in my apartment."

"That's fine, we'll find you a place to stay."

---

A few too many hours later, Rachel was loading her luggage inside the trunk of Phoebe's grandmother's cab with Monica's help. As they walked towards the door, Monica came really close to her friend and whispered in her ear "Brace yourself when she hits those brakes, OK?", to what Rachel responded with a confused expression.

Once inside the car, Rachel looked out the window and blinked slowly. She was exhausted after a sleepless night, after getting an earful and going hours by waiting for a flight. She looked at her watch, which she'd readjusted to local time upon arrival, it was ten in the morning.

Monica, sitting on the front seat next to Phoebe, turned to look at Rachel.

"OK, here's what we're gonna do: you're stay with Phoebe for now, she has a spare room."

"Yeah, and you can stay for as long as you want, Rachel. No rush at all." Phoebe commented.

"Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate everything."

"That's what friends are for, honey." Monica assured her.

"Listen, could we stop by my apartment? There are some things I need to pick up and I think I better do it now, before Barry decides to come back."

"Sure. Phoebe's got today off aswell, so we're all yours for the day."

Rachel gave them a weak smile.

-

As they opened the door to the luxurious apartment, Rachel walked in casually, while Monica and Phoebe stood by the doorway for a little longer, trying to take everything in. The apartment was very well decorated, classic chic with a hint of contemporary; minimalist and clear. Rachel went into her and Barry's room and the two girls followed with their eyes lingering on everything as they passed. Funny how they had been friends for a while and yet had never been to Rachel's place before.

Gladly, both of them knew neither of that made Rachel a different person.

Once inside, Rachel began gathering things she would need, like clothes, toiletries and such, while Phoebe and Monica inspected the room. Monica picked up a framed picture of Rachel and Barry in their wedding day, with smiled plastered on their faces. Looking back, now, Monica couldn't believe she'd let herself be fooled by their picture perfect marriage. They obviously had always had their problems, but everybody had always been so enchanted by their looks, by their appearances, that no one ever tried to look closer.

Monica felt a little ashamed herself for not seeing it sooner. From what Rachel had told her, she had been really unhappy for quite some time now. If someone had helped her come out of this mess sooner, maybe she wouldn't be so far down rock bottom.

She put the picture down as she reminded herself she had only recently re-entered Rachel's life. Before, there was not much she could have done. But now, she would do anything to help her friend. This was the beginning of a new Rachel.

She heard Rachel in the closet and followed her there. She watched it as Rachel opened a jewelry drawer, looked at them for a split second and then shut it off without taking anything. She paced around the room, looking at her clothes, at her bags. She took a deep breath and took a seat, finally looking at Monica. She shook her head and Monica approached, taking a seat next to her friend.

"What?" Monica asked softly.

"Would you look at all of this? I mean, liking clothes and bags and stuff is one thing, but this is ridiculous." She looked down and Monica looked around. "What, was I hoping it would fill the gap inside me?"

"Maybe." Monica took her hand and squeezed it, getting Rachel to look at her. "There's nothing wrong with having them now, Rach. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, OK? I mean, you know it now, don't you? You know that what will make you truly happy, that what will fill every little space inside you will be the people in your life and the moments you've shared with them, right?"

Rachel nodded slowly.

"Then, see... There's nothing wrong with this. So you like a little splurge...! So what?"

Rachel shook her head again.

"But he paid for all of this, Mon."

"He is, or, I don't know, was, your husband, Rachel. It is nothing out of the ordinary."

Rachel kept her eyes fixated down again for a long time, and Monica tried to think of something to say.

"You wanna earn what you have, don't know?"

Rachel thought about Monica's words. That was exactly it. So she nodded.

"Yeah."

"Well, then... You should get a job."

Even though it was the obvious answer, Rachel almost laughed at it. She probably would were this not such a drastic moment for her.

"Monica, did you forget who you're talking to? I'm 29 years old and I have never had a job! I am trained for nothing!"

Monica got this thoughtful look.

"You know what? I think I might be able to help you with that."

"How?"

"Well... If you would like it, we're in the need of a hostess at the restaurant. I could put in a good word for you. I mean, if you'd like it." Rachel didn't say anything, but the thoughtful look she wore encouraged Monica to go on. "See, you'd be perfect for it. So you don't have much experience, but how hard would it be for you, huh? You're polite, you deal with people very well, you look great...! You're everything we need. It's not glamorous, I know, but I think it's pretty great for a first job."

Rachel finally cracked up a smile, looking at her friend. Then she nodded.

"Thank you, Monica."

"This is gonna be great, honey, you'll see."

Rachel nodded again, hoping Monica was right.

"Yeah..."

Monica stood up.

"So, what are you gonna take?"

Rachel smiled and stood up aswell.

"Eh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a few things..." She said as she approached her bags. "OK, maybe just a Fendi." She took one from the shelf. "And a Louis Vuitton". She took it and kept looking at the ones left. "OK, the Chanel too, but only because this goes with everything." But, again, she couldn't tear herself away from the shelf. "You know what, I'm gonna need to dress well for this job, so what the hell, I'll take them all!"

Monica laughed.

"That's the spirit! I don't think you'll be wearing bags while on the clock, but what the heck!"

And so Rachel packed away most of her things, leaving behind only the items she decided that were definitely unnecessary even in her most futile days.

---

After the detour to the apartment, the girls drove to Phoebe's place, where Rachel showered and went straight to bed at one in the afternoon. She smiled as her face hit the fluffy pillow. The sheets smelled of roses and incense, pretty much like everything in the apartment.

About four hours later, however, she woke up with her phone ringing. She grunted, but looked at the screen anyway, to see who it was and decide whether to take the call or not.

It was her parents' home.

Rachel cursed under her breath and sat up, opening the flip phone.

"Hello?"

"Rachel?"

"Hey, mom."

"Are you out of your mind?"

Rachel sighed and looked down.

"I take it you've spoken to Barry..."

"Oh no, not me! Your father! And I had to take the phone away from him! Young lady, believe you me, you would be hearing a lot more if he were the one talking to you right now."

Yet, Rachel could hear her father anyway, cursing loudly on the background. She never meant to disappoint her parents...

"Mom, please... You have to understand..." Her voice started breaking.

"Understand what?"

"How unhappy I am..."

At that, Rachel sobbed, somehow glad she was finally sharing that with her family. It was one thing to put up a show to complete stranger, but to fake a smile to her own mother was more than she thought she could bear.

The other side went silent.

"Rachel... honey, I'm sorry. I really am. But don't you think you and Barry can work on this? This just seems so out of the blue."

"Oh, mom... We're so beyond help. You wouldn't understand, I can't take it anymore."

She heard her mother sigh.

"Don't say I wouldn't understand, Rachel. I do. Believe me, I really do."

Rachel wondered briefly what her mother's words meant.

"But you have to realize how serious a divorce is. I understand it seems like a natural thing, specially these days, but you have no idea."

"Well, I wanna try, mom. It can't be worse than this."

Silence.

"OK, where are you now?" Sandra Green went on.

"I'm at a friend's house, she's gonna let me stay here for now."

"What friend? Lisa Jones? Heather Ryan?"

"No, you don't know her. Her name's Phoebe Buffay."

"And may I know where that Phoebe Buffay lives?"

"Hm, at the village." Her mother's quietness bothered Rachel. "It's really near Monica's place, mom. I would have stayed with Mon, but her brother has just left his wife and he's staying there with her."

The minute she said it, Rachel closed her eyes and cursed herself in her head. Her mother might pose as naive, but she was anything but. She could put one and one together. And God knows Rachel had lost the ability to lie to her mother after becoming an adult.

"Rachel! Did you... Did you leave Barry for this other man?"

After a brief thoughtful moment, Rachel couldn't help but smile weakly at her mother's question.

"No, mom. Of course not." She paused slightly. "I left Barry for me."

After hanging up the phone, Rachel looked at her watch and decided maybe it was time to get up. She hadn't slept much, but soon it would be time to sleep again anyway, so it would be best to see what the girls were up to.

---

Ross entered Monica and Chandler's apartment holding Ben's little hand only to find Chandler in the kitchen, visibly having trouble fixing himself something to eat. Ross couldn't help but shoot his future brother-in-law a look. Chandler stared back.

"Shall I order a pizza?"

"Yeah!"

"Hey Ben!"

"Hi, Uncle Chandler!"

As Ross picked up the phone, he looked around the apartment.

"Why were you even trying? Where's Monica?"

Chandler got this weird look.

"Monica's not home. She's not coming to dinner."

"Why not? I thought she had the day off, that's why I brought Ben over."

"Well, hm..." Bad lier he was, Chandler couldn't figure out what to say. Lying would be definitely the worst choice, Ross would be able to see right through him. "I'm not sure I can say that."

"What? Why not?"

"Just because!" He snapped nervously.

Ross shot him a look.

"Come on, Chandler, what's the big deal? I think I deserve to know why my sister will be missing her nephew's visit, don't you think?" By the look on Chandler's eyes, Ross got a serious look, now slightly concerned. "What? Chandler, I'm a big boy, you can tell me."

"OK, OK. She uh... She left this morning to pick Rachel up at the airport. And then she was going to be with her all day helping her settle down." He paused. "It seems she's left Barry."

Ross froze, unable to breathe.

---

I know Chandler seemed to be a great lier in the episode Janice invited herself to his and Monica's wedding, but oh, who were they kidding? He's a really bad lier...! Anyway, I know there seems to be a gap between Rachel and Monica's phone conversation and Rachel arriving NY, but I'll get back to that, how it went with her and Barry and all. Just don't rush me, lol. Anyway, hope you liked this new chapter ;) Now leave me a review, please? ;) Again, my anxiety didn't leave me much time to re-read it many times, so forgive the little mistakes...!


	22. Chapter 21

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

- - -

_Stars fading but I linger on dear  
Still craving your kiss  
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear  
Just saying this_

_Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you  
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you  
But in your dreams whatever they be  
Dream a little dream of me_

-

It was past midnight when Monica returned to her apartment. She was trying her best not to make any noise, inserting the key carefully into the hole and turning the doorknob slowly. For Ross, of course, since Chandler had the sleeping capacity of a rock. All in vain, however, as she was surprised to find her brother sitting by himself on the arm chair, reading a book. Monica smiled at him when their eyes met.

"Good night. Wasn't expecting to find anyone up at this time."

"Hey, Mon."

By the tone of his voice and the look he wore, she got it all figured out.

"You've heard, haven't you?"

"Chandler sorta told me..."

"Yeah..."

Monica set the keys on the kitchen table and kept looking at Ross.

"So... How is she?"

"As good as she could be."

He nodded, silently. She walked up to him and took a seat on the couch.

"Yes, she did ask about you, Ross."

"I- I didn't say anything."

"I'm assuming you didn't stay up waiting for me to simply look at me like that."

Ross took a deep breath.

"And I think you were right the other day when you said some time apart would be the best for you guys." She continued.

"You do?"

Now Monica could sense a hint of confusion in his voice, as if he was no longer convinced of that. After all, now there was nothing standing in their way, so it seemed, so there was no need for him to use that as a mere excuse.

"I really do."

Ross was silent for a few seconds.

"She's getting a job, you know?"

"What, really?"

"Yeah. I'll try getting her as a hostess at the restaurant, I think it'll be really good for her."

Ross smiled weakly.

"Yeah. Me too."

Monica smiled back at him, admiring the way his eyes glimmered. She patted him on the knee, stood up and walked up to her room.

"She misses you a lot too. Goodnight, honey."

Ross sighed contentedly. She was near - in so many ways, closer than even. Getting her life together, being everything he knew she could be. And quite possibly dreaming of him that very second.

Dreaming a little dream of him.

---

A couple of days later, Megan Bello scanned Rachel's short resumé as they sat across from each other in the cozy office. Rachel crossed her legs and tucked some hair behind her ear, trying to ease the nervousness of her first job interview.

"I understand I don't have much experience, but I want you to know that I am very good with people and I'm a very fast learner."

Megan looked up at Rachel.

"I believe you. Monica's spoken wonders of you. You two were friends in high school, right?"

"Since before that, actually." Rachel smiled. "We met when we were kids, around eight or so, our parents were friends at the country club, we both grew up in Long Island."

"Sounds like a good childhood."

"It was the best." Again, Rachel stretched her smile, just as Monica had instructed her to. "But then, you know, came college we sort of drifted apart. We ran into each other about five months ago though and now I would say we're possibly closer than ever."

Megan smiled back.

"So you got married right after college?"

"That's correct. My husband, hm, soon to be ex-husband, didn't want me to work. Well, it was actually never discussed, it was always sort of implicit, you know? I was hoping to change that though, now that we're no longer together I wanna be able to stand on my own feet."

"Right, I understand."

Rachel kept nervously smiling at Megan, who watched her for a few silent seconds.

"Well, I hope you don't get sick of Monica now, with the two of you working together and all."

Rachel smiled genuinely this time.

"Really!"

Megan smiled back.

"Yes. I don't usually hire people on the spot, but you seem to be exactly what we're looking for. As for experience, I'm sure you'll gain some with time, that's the way it goes. Monica's got a good eye, I trust her. So congratulations."

"Oh, thank you so much!"

They stood up and shook hands.

"My pleasure."

-

Rachel almost skipped her way out of the office. She stopped by the kitchen to tell Monica the news. They shrieked, hugged and jumped up and down together.

"Welcome to the real world! It sucks, you're gonna love it!" Monica said to her, earning a chuckle.

When she left the restaurant, with a smile that wouldn't fade stamped onto her face, she picked up her phone and dialed a number.

"Mom? Hi, it's Rachel."

"Good morning, dear, how are you today?"

"Better than ever! I got a job, mom!"

"You what?"

"I got a job as a hostess at the restaurant where Monica works, Alessandro's."

"Oh, sweetie...! That's... That's wonderful!"

Rachel smiled even more, surprised.

"Really? You think so?"

"I really do, Rachel. Oh... How could I not? You're making it happen for yourself."

Rachel watched her feet, truly happy and proud of herself.

"How's daddy doing?"

"Better."

"That's good..."

"Oh, and I have good news! Jimmy woke up."

"Really? Wow, that is wonderful, mom!"

"Yeah, he'll be home in a couple of days, it seems."

"That's great, I'm really happy for him and his family."

"Are you gonna call Barry now?"

"No. I'll call Sarah though, I wanna see how she and the kids are doing. I didn't even get to say goodbye to them."

"What, did you just slip out of there in the middle of the night?"

"Something like that."

"Oh, Rachel..."

"Mom, can I ask you a favor?"

"What?"

"Come and meet me at my new place and bring Daddy. I wanna talk to you guys about this whole thing, I know you're both upset, I know how much you liked Barry."

"Oh, sweetie... I've thought about it and don't worry, I understand. I know exactly where you're coming from."

"Mom..."

"But your dad..." Sandra cut her daughter. "Well, your dad is a whole other story."

"That's why I want you to bring him. I want to talk to him, I want him to see how happy I am now. I want him to meet my new place."

"So is this a definitive thing?"

"As far as I can see, yes, mom. It's gonna take me some time before I can afford to live on my own and Phoebe's been so great about the whole thing. She said she was thinking about getting a roommate anyway, so..."

"You can afford to live on your own, Rachel! Do you think you'll walk out limp from this marriage?"

"I don't want his money, mom."

"But you need to think of your future. I'm proud of you for going after your things, but we need to be realistic here."

"OK, OK, mom, we can discuss that later. Now, just promise me you and Dad will come over for dinner on sunday."

"Rachel, I'll talk to him. But you know your father..."

"I do, mom. Just bring him, OK? I'll work the old man."

---

About a week later, Monica woke up to find many boxes sitting on the living room, the same boxes Ross had brought with himself a few weeks ago and that had been storaged in the guest room among the rest of his things. Ross was by the fridge, drinking from a bottle of water.

"Hey. What's going on? Why aren't you at work?"

"Good morning, sis. Well, I'm moving out today, Donald gave me the day off. I'm already having a bed delivered today, along with a fridge, a microwave, a TV and one couch."

Monica smiled weakly, picturing how weird the apartment would look.

"Oh, honey... You know you don't have to move now, you can stay here as long as you need."

"I know, but I figure the sooner I leave the sooner I'll get things together, you know?"

"I'm gonna miss you."

They hugged.

"No, you won't. Specially in the morning when you won't have to yell at me for taking so long in the bathroom."

"Fifteen minutes, Ross! It was agreed we each got 15 minutes in the mornings!" She snapped, breaking the hug.

Ross chuckled at his sister's mood swings when it came to those things.

"Yeah, I wish I could say I will miss you back."

Monica smiled weakly and punched him playfully.

"Shut up..."

Ross chuckled and went back to getting his things together, as Monica started fixing herself breakfast. A few seconds later, the door opened and Rachel walked in.

"Hey, Mon." However, she stopped abruptly by the doorway when she saw Ross. He turned around, surprised by the sound of her voice and they looked at each other for a couple of seconds, though it felt like a couple of hours. "Oh, hey Ross." She failed to hold back her smile.

It was OK, he smiled back just as widely.

"Hi, Rachel."

And Monica smiled to herself.

"I- I thought you'd be at work." Rachel said without thinking.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I got the day off to move out." He joked.

"Oh, nice."

"Yeah, I figured it was about time...! I got some stuff arriving today, enough to let me move in, so..."

"Well, good luck with that..."

"Hm, congratulations on the job. Monica told me and I think that's really great."

She smiled even wider now.

"Thank you. I'm very happy about that, everything's been going really well there."

"That's good..."

"Yeah..."

It wasn't as awkward and she'd think. Even though they'd run out of small talk, the silence that rose seduced Rachel, it was so intimate and comfortable somehow. His eyes on her, his softness that didn't require a touch. She'd missed him so much. Yet, there was something different about this encounter. They were both unattached. Somehow, they were completely different people.

Beep-Beep.

Ross looked down and checked his beeper.

"I gotta go, my things have arrived."

"Oh, OK."

"It was really good seeing you, Rachel."

"Yeah, yo-you too."

"Bye."

She almost shivered in contentment at the look he gave her as he walked out the apartment. As soon as the door closed, she let out a long and well drawn out sigh. Monica smiled at her.

"Could I be more invisible?"

"Huh?" Rachel snapped out of it, confused.

"Never mind." Monica said, with a chuckle. Rachel took a seat next to her. "Breakfast?" Monica offered.

"Just some coffee, Phoebe made me oatmeal cookies today and I ate too many."

"Oh, aren't those the best?"

"They really are!"

Monica kept smiling at Rachel, proud of her and Ross. They hadn't surrendered to their instincts. Despite the clear attraction they felt for each other and the present circumstances, both had apparently remembered her advice. Maybe they had seen just how well the other was responding to this little time for themselves and, out of love, had decided to post pone the reunion. It was only a little while. A little while that would be very important for the rest of their lives, which they would possibly get to share with each another anyway.

"What?" Rachel asked, a little freaked out by Monica's look.

"Nothing, nothing. So, how was it with your mom and dad last night?"

"Oh, it was really great! Dad came around with the idea of the divorce, specially after what he's seen...! It seems Barry's come back from San Francisco and Daddy dropped by unannounced yesterday only to find Barry in there with another woman... Oh, you know her! Mindy, you remember, my old childhood friend?"

Monica made a shocked face.

"Whoa, really?"

"Hmhum."

Rachel took a sip of her coffee, unaffected. Monica watched her, amazed.

"OK, I was expecting a little more reaction from you..."

"Monica, please... It's not like I haven't always known Barry did that sort of thing to me. Was I betrayed and hurt and surprised? Sure, I guess. I don't mean to sound cold or anything, but it's just that..." She shook her head. "In a way, it's only a relief. It's a relief I know I won't have to live with that anymore and now that Dad got to see it he said he'll hire a lawyer for me and that I should not worry about anything." Rachel sighed, contentedly. "I know I said I wanted to take care of some things myself, but I'll leave that up to him. I think I got better things to worry about now..."

Monica smiled at her.

"Right, right..."

"Besides, I haven't exactly been a faithful little saint myself...! Oh, but anyway, enough about me, honey. Lately I feel like this is all we can talk about, maybe now it's time to change the subject. Oh, the wedding! Tell me how that's coming. How much time left now?"

"Only about a month."

"Oh, wow...! You must be getting really excited."

"Terrified would be a better word...!"

"Aw, Monica...!" Rachel grabbed her hand. "It's going to be great, you guys are gonna be so happy."

Monica smiled back.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Well... after much consideration, I... I talked to Phoebe and she understood our situation here..."

"What situation?"

"I would like you to be my maid of honor."

Rachel gasped softly.

"What, really?"

Monica nodded.

"You know, we've been friends for longer, we're closer than ever now, you're like... like a sister to me. In so many ways..."

Rachel chuckled, teary eyed.

"Oh, Mon...! Is Phoebe really OK with it?"

"Of course. She said it made sense... and she's going to be a bride's maid now, she's still going to be up there with us."

Rachel brushed happy tears away.

"Then yes, of course. I am so honored, I love you so much, honey."

They hugged.

---

"Good evening, welcome to Alessandro's!" She greeted them with a warm smile. "Do you guys have a reservation?"

"Yes, Andersen, party of six."

"Oh, yes, the Novaks have already arrived. Would you follow me, please?"

Rachel showed them to their table, made a little small talk and walked back to her post. So it wasn't much, but she'd never felt so productive before. Now, there was only one thing missing... It had been two weeks since she'd last seen him that morning at Monica's. After that, nothing, nada. She sighed. Was it just her who thought maybe it was time for a new approach?

"Hey."

The voice snapped her out of it. She looked up and met his eyes, surprised.

"Oh, hey."

Silence followed.

"Oh, sorry, would you like a table?"

He smiled.

"Hm, yeah, sure."

She smiled back.

"Should I bother asking if you have a reservation? It's standard procedure..."

He chuckled.

"Go ahead."

"Do you have a reservation, Sir?"

"No. No, I don't."

"Will someone be joining you for the evening?"

"No, it's just me."

She smiled.

"Well, OK, we may have something to suit you. Follow me, please."

As she walked in front of him, he admired her neck, perfectly bare as her hair shook from one side to another on an elegant pony tail.

"Here you go. Your waiter will be with you in just a second. Have a good evening, Sir."

She winked at him and turned to leave.

"Hey, Rach."

She turned back.

"Yes?"

"Hm, there's something I wanna ask you."

"Sure, what is it?" She asked, anticipation building up inside her.

"Hm, OK, I'm just gonna say it..."

She chuckle.

"Yes, Ross...?"

"Would you like to go to Monica and Chandler's wedding with me?"

She smiled.

"Hm, yeah. Yeah, that would be great."

He smiled back, satisfied.

"Good."

She chuckled again.

"Bon apetit."

With that, she left. So happy she thought she would burst any second and spread good energy throughout the entire neighborhood.

---

Please review. I don't wanna sound like a baby, but it's the only thing I'm asking. And it's for you guys. Because I want to improve, seeing what you like or don't like. When you don't review, I always assume you don't like it...! Or that you didn't think anything of it, which is even worse. Anyway, see you next chapter, which may be the last. We'll see.

P.S. Who else is hating ffnet today? Omg...!


	23. Chapter 22

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

---

After agreeing to be Ross' date on Monica and Chandler's wedding just the week before, Rachel started going out more often. After all, she wasn't scared of running into him anymore. In fact, she hoped to see him every time she set foot out of the apartment, always wishing to run into him whether she was at Central Perk or even at the grocery shop down the street. And each of the few encounters that happened on the course of that week were memorable in its own way, even though there was nothing too remarkable about them. They were always in the presence of their other four friends - Chandler and Joey quickly became her friends almost as much as they were Ross' - but that didn't stop them from flirting shamelessly.

Yet, that was all it was for the time being. Just flirting. Everything in its own time, they figured.

About a week before the wedding, all six friends were enjoying a nice cup of coffee at the coffee house, lazily watching time go by.

"I'll go get another cup of coffee for me. Does anybody want anything?" Ross offered to everybody, but his eyes darted straight at her.

She smiled.

"A blueberry muffin, please."

"On the way, Miss." He smiled back. "Anyone else?"

"No."

"I'm good, thanks."

He stood up and walked up to the counter, her eyes quietly following.

"Oh, Rachel and Phoebe, don't forget about the last dress fitting tomorrow at ten, OK?" Monica reminded them.

"Sure. Shall we meet you at your place?" Phoebe asked.

"Be there at nine thirty sharp."

Rachel smiled at her.

"We'll try." She said.

Ross approached and handed her a little plate with her muffin.

"Thanks."

"Always a pleasure."

He took his seat back on the couch, right next to her, as she started nibbling the muffin. There was a new conversation going on with their friends, but neither paid attention to it. Rachel smiled at him again and put the muffin down.

"You know, I was thinking..." She started.

"Yes?"

"If we're going to the wedding together, wouldn't it make sense if we went to the rehearsal dinner together aswell?"

He smiled widely.

"Interesting idea. It makes sense, it'll give us a chance to rehearse for it."

She laughed.

"So it'll be a rehearsal date?"

"Something like that."

"I like the sound of it."

With that, she picked up her muffin again and sat back, enjoying the atmosphere. It had been almost two months since she'd left Barry and not even once had she even considered the possibility of regretting her decision. This was so much different than what life had always been like for her, yet it made so much sense. It was so perfect for her somehow. She felt like a real part of it, an important part of a puzzle. Monica had even mentioned it once to her before, about how everything seemed complete with her. Three guys, three girls. And Mathematics was not nearly the most important part of it.

She wouldn't say it was all easy. But it was definitely worth it.

---

Rachel was applying the last touch of mascara when she heard the doorbell ring. Through the closed door, she listened as Phoebe welcomed Ross into their apartment and couldn't believe it that for once she'd managed to be ready on time. She looked at her wrist watch. Well, it made sense considering she'd begun getting ready over two hours before. Oh, she just wanted it to be perfect. Their first date.

She checked herself one more time in the mirror. The day before she'd decided to dye her hair back to blonde, for she didn't feel like she had anything to prove anymore. Neither to herself, nor to anyone else. He hadn't seen it yet, she wondered how he would react to it.

The golden locks were very straight at the root and cascaded down into long and yet very subtle curls. Her make up was relatively light, more focused on the eyes. She was wearing a strapless black dress, down to her knees, very flattering to her slim form.

With one deep breath, she left her room.

His eyes met hers and he almost had to brace himself. He never knew how she managed to take his breath away like that, no matter how many times they'd met, no matter the circumstances.

"Wow..." He whispered, feeling a little silly that he couldn't hold it in.

Rachel smiled widely.

"Hey."

"You look..." He shook his head, trying to think of a word. "You look great."

"Thank you." She said, well knowing through his eyes that "great" was a huge understatement to what he really had in mind. "You don't look so bad yourself..."

Phoebe smiled at the visible attraction both felt for each other, it was so obvious.

"Oh, get a room."

Both Ross and Rachel shot her a look.

"I better go and finish getting ready, my date will be here any second now!"

Phoebe almost skipped her way out of the room, while Rachel got her stuff together in her tiny bag. Ross watched.

"Hm, your hair...!"

"Oh, yeah, I decided to change it back yesterday. You like it?"

"It just reminds me you look beautiful any way."

She smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes."

He smiled back.

"Shall we?"

He offered her his hand. She smiled down at it and then took it.

"Sure."

---

They walked into the room hand in hand, still. Monica and Chandler stood a few feet from the doorway, greeting their guests as they walked in. Rachel quickly embraced her best friend into a heartfelt hug, whispering into her ear.

"Oh God, Monica, it's happening! I'm so happy for you."

"I know! Thank you, sweetie."

They broke the hug.

"I know how much you've always wanted this. In fact, look." She reached inside her purse and pulled a photograph out of it. She handed it to Monica. "I went looking for this the other day. Do you remember it?"

"Oh yes." Monica chuckled. "Chandler, look."

"It was Halloween and Monica dressed up as a bride. She even made me carry her veil around."

"Can I see it?" Ross asked.

"Sure."

Monica looked at Rachel lovingly.

"So, how's it going so far?" She asked in a low tone of voice.

Rachel smiled widely.

"Pretty great."

"I'm really happy for you guys too."

They hugged again.

After a few more sweet words and small talk, Ross and Rachel left so the line would move along. They approached the bar.

"In the mood for some wine?"

She smiled.

"Sure."

He ordered them some and, while the waiter served them, Rachel let her eyes wander around the room.

"Oh my God, is that Nora Bing?"

"Oh, yes."

Rachel gasped.

"She's related to Chandler?"

"She's his mom."

"You're kidding, right?"

He chuckled at her giddiness.

"No, it's true."

"Wow, that is so cool, I'm such a big fan of hers!"

"Yeah, Chandler does have an interesting family..."

"There's more?"

"See that woman in that black dress with pearls around her neck?"

"Yeah."

"It's his dad."

Rachel chuckled.

"OK, now you're kidding."

"Nope, that's Charles Bing. He stars in his own drag show in Vegas."

"Wow, Chandler Bing..."

She chuckled before sipping her wine. Ross kept looking at her, admiring her close presence.

"So how's it going at work?"

"Pretty good, yeah. It's good to finally really earn my things, you know?"

He nodded.

"I'm so proud of you."

She smiled at him.

"Me too."

They kept looking at each other and he picked her hand on his again.

The silence was soon interrupted, however.

"Son!"

Mr. and Mrs. Geller approached them.

"Oh, hey mom, dad."

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs-" Rachel stopped herself when Judy shot her a look. "Judy and Jack."

"Oh, how are you, dear? Monica told us about you and Barry."

"I'm great." Rachel said with a wide smile. "Our marriage had been crossing the finish line for a long time now, so..."

"Well, you look great!" Jack commented.

"I feel great!" Rachel added, chuckling.

Judy smiled at her, knowing this wasn't just a mask. Then she looked closely at her son and Rachel. Their closeness, this certain air around them. She raised an eyebrow, could it be? She smiled.

"Jack, look, Sylvia is here, let's go talk to her. We'll see you later, kids."

"Bye."

"See you."

"Wanna go to our table?" He offered.

"Sure."

He pulled the chair for her and everything.

"How's the new apartment doing? I hope you've managed to get some more stuff to fill it."

"One thing at a time, yes. It's filling up quite nicely, yeah."

She chuckled.

"Not a bachelor pad, I hope."

He laughed.

"Far from it." He looked at her for a while. "You should come over some time and meet it."

"Maybe..." She smiled before sipping her wine again.

He sipped some himself.

"So how do you like living with Phoebe so far?"

"Oh, it's been so much fun, Phoebe is such a great person. I know it may sound weird, but... in so many ways I just feel like I've known her for so much longer, you know? Well, not just her, but everyone. The other day it was only me and Joey and Chandler at the coffee house and I thought that was going to be so awkward, but oh... It had been such a long time since I last laughed that hard."

Ross nodded.

"Yeah, they're all really great. I used to question how we all got along so well, we're all so different. But I've stopped trying to find logic here, things like that just sorta happen. You can't explain them."

Rachel smiled at him, knowing that also applied to them.

"I know what you mean." She sighed. "And how has it been for you to live on your own? Is that too weird?"

"It was at first, I guess. I like being with someone, the stability and everything." He nodded, looking down at his glass. Then his eye met hers. "But you know, I didn't mean to hurt you that time I told you I was doing fine on my own. I mean, in a way I did, but..." He trailed off.

"I know, Ross."

"I guess I was just surprised, I really didn't think I'd be able stand on my own feet after so long. And, well, that added up to the fact that I was a little mad at you, I just..."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Ross. I'm sorry. It took me too long to see what was before me all along...! I don't know, in so many ways I knew, it was so obvious. I was just so scared."

He nodded.

"I know, Rach. You don't need to apologize either, I completely understand. I guess in spite of all the pain this might have caused, for me, this whole thing seems like it was necessary in so many ways."

"I know what you mean and I couldn't agree more."

He smiled at her and picked up her hand.

"So now we can do all that getting to know each other we talked about?" He asked.

She smiled.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess we can."

"And I don't want us to rush into anything, specially after everything we've been through." She nodded, agreeing with his sincere words. "It just seems like maybe it's time for this. Don't you think?"

"Definitely." She said as she squeezed his hand. "One more minute without some sort of closeness and I would lose my mind...!"

He smiled and kissed her hand, but they were interrupted by Joey, who approached their table with a full place.

"Hey, guys, I hadn't seen you two here. You should try the shrimp, it's delicious."

Ross chuckled, while Rachel stared at his plate with disgust.

"Joey, I think that's a wax apple."

"Huh?" He looked at it. "Oh. No wonder I almost chipped my tooth with that. See, that's why I don't eat fruit, 'cause every time I try..."

Rachel shook her head, giggling.

"Do you want something from the appetizers buffet?" Ross asked her.

"Oh, I'm good. But I might steal something from your plate, so get lots of it."

He laughed.

"I'm not even gonna ask. It's on the way, Miss."

She smiled after him.

---

As dinner progressed, Ross and Rachel's opportunities to private conversations vanished. It was OK, though, they figured, since the most important issue had been talked out and they were still enjoying themselves with their close friends. As the party ended, rather early - after all the big day had yet to arrive - Ross offered to take Rachel home. She smiled at him.

"How about you take me to meet the bachelor pad instead?"

He smiled back.

"I won't say no to that..."

As they stepped inside the apartment, Ross flicked the lights on and sighed.

"Voila"

She walked in and looked around. The living room walls were wine colored, there was a single mattress on the floor, as well as a coffee table and a TV that sat on top of a box labeled "books". She turned around to face him and smiled.

"It's very nice."

He threw his wallet on the coffee table and nodded.

"It's not nearly ready yet, but..."

"Take your time with it, Ross. It's your home, so make it a home."

He smiled, knowing what she meant.

She took a seat on the mattress on the floor.

"Do you want something to drink? I've got wine, juice, water..."

"Wine would be great."

"Then it's on the way."

A few seconds later, he came back with a bottle of wine and two big disposable red cups.

"These are all I have for now, I hope you don't mind."

She laughed.

"Not at all."

He took a seat next to her. He poured the wine and they toasted to the wedding the next day.

"And you know what's weird?" She said.

"What?"

"Even though I'm getting out of a really bad marriage and everything... God, I still feel really good about Monica. I think she and Chandler will be so happy."

"I know what you mean. I guess, I don't know, some marriages are doomed to failture and that just can't make you swear off the whole idea all together." He nodded into space. "I also think they're gonna do great at it."

Rachel smiled at him for a while.

"Did you think you and Carol would be together forever?"

"God, I really did. We were so passionate when we first met, you know? And then... Well, after some time I guess we just settled down and that passion just started fading. At some point, I believe that's just what's supposed to happen, right? But for some reason she just got too distant and sometimes even aggressive with me. It got to a point that, I don't know, it was like we were complete strangers living together who wouldn't even talk anymore. If it wasn't for Ben, I think the divorce would have come much sooner."

"Yeah, I guess kids have that power, huh?"

"Yeah... We think we're doing what's best for them, but, really, how is keeping both parents miserable good for them? I've thought much about this lately and I really believe that this is what's best for Ben, as well as for all of us. We get to spare him of the fights and everything... And this way we all get a shot at being happy again, right?"

She smiled.

"Let's hope so."

He smiled back.

"How about you? Were you ever sure that Barry was the one?"

Rachel sighed and thought about it.

"No. I never even thought about it, actually. It was all just so perfectly set up, you know? We all knew what to do, it was so carefully instructed to us... And nobody ever even had to tell us. We just knew that was it. And at some point I guess I thought I loved him, I really did. And I really thought that was what I wanted. The big house, the expensive stuff, the trips and all. Ah, the dream of a doctor for a husband. It might have been what I wanted actually, but it was far from what I needed." Rachel looked at him and smiled a little sadly. "A year into my marriage I knew I was unhappy. Then came the antidepressants. Thing is, I was just too scared to really do anything about it. I never felt like I had anybody that would understand me, you know?"

"I understand..."

She smiled and shook her head, not wanting to play the role of the victim.

"But anyway... I'm just glad it's over, really."

He smiled back at her.

"Yeah, me too."

She sipped her wine, content.

"Have I mentioned how brave I think you are?"

She looked at him and grinned, flirtatiously brushing some hair out of her face.

"Not in those exact words."

"Well, I do."

She leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks."

"And have I mentioned how beautiful I think you look tonight?" He said again, with an exaggerated expectant look.

Rachel giggled.

"Now you're just saying it to get another kiss."

"Can you blame me?"

Rachel hit him playfully across the chest.

"But you are, you know. Beautiful tonight, I mean. Well, not just tonight. But specially tonight, yes..."

She grinned and rolled her eyes playfully.

"I know, I know...!"

He chuckled and she accidentally spilled her wine onto the mattress and the floor.

"Oh, shoot! I'm so sorry, Ross."

He shook his head.

"Don't worry, Rachel, it's nothing. I'll clean it up later."

"I should go now." She said. "Now that I've already met the pad and marked my territory..." She pointed at the spilled wine.

He smiled at her.

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, thanks, I'll be fine. I'm spending the night across the street at Monica's actually, with her and Phoebe. Chandler's sleeping over at Joey's."

"So I'm the only one who'll be sleeping by himself tonight?" He said with puppy eyes.

Rachel smiled adoringly.

"Nice try. I really gotta go now, I still got some stuff to do with the girls tonight and we'll be up early tomorrow. I don't want baggy eyes at the wedding."

"I bet you could pull that off."

Rachel chuckled.

"Don't push it, Ross."

They stood up.

"OK, goodnight, then." He said, walking her to the door.

He leaned closer and kissed her on her forehead. She smiled at him when they broke. She cupped his face and kissed him softly on the lips. When they parted, both kept their eyes closed for a moment, enjoying the feeling that kept going.

"Hm, goodnight."

She leaned towards his ear.

"And this was only the rehearsal." She whispered.

He chuckled.

---

About half an hour after joining the girls at Monica's apartment, there was a knock at the door and Rachel went to get it. It was Ross. Before she could make a joke about him not getting tired of her, she noticed the deep look of concern he wore.

"What happened?"

"Chandler took off."

"What?"

"Where's Monica?"

"She's steaming her dress. What do you mean Chandler took off?"

"I went to check on him and look what I found."

He handed her a piece of paper.

"Oh, no. Ross, you have to go find him!"

"I'll try, but on the mean time you cannot tell Monica."

"I won't."

"OK, keep your cell on, I'll keep you posted."

"Alright."

But Ross would only find his future brother-in-law the following morning, with the help of Phoebe. Rachel had been in charge of stalling Monica at home and because of the whole commotion she and Ross ended up leaving separately. As she was in the car with the bride, her cellphone rang.

"Hey..." she said sweetly, knowing it was him.

"Hey, so how's it going there?"

"Everything's fine. How about with you guys?"

"Everything under control now... I had to have a long conversation with Chandler about marriage and all, which he didn't want to listen to at first considering my current status..." He stopped to hear her adorable chuckle. "I guess he should have been there last night to listen to our conversation about it, huh?" He continued.

"No, that was just for us..."

Rachel blushed when she noticed the look Monica was giving her.

"Hm, listen, I better go now, you make sure everything's alright there and I'll make sure they are here. We'll talk after the wedding, OK?"

"Sure, ma'am."

She smiled.

"Bye."

"Bye."

She closed her phone and sighed, looking at Monica and grinning shamelessly.

"Stare all you want, I'm not even gonna try to wipe this off my face." Rachel said.

"Good, 'cause I like seeing you like this."

-

The wedding was beautiful. Joey arrived just in time after a long shooting to perform the ceremony himself and even decided to cut his speech short, a little relief for Monica and Chandler who'd had to listen to it about a million times - a whole nonsense about having, sharing, giving, and receiving. After they said their vows and exchanged I do's, the guests left the room and they stayed behind for photos, which took about half an hour. After they were all released, they went into the ballroom where the big party was being held.

"I think the lady owes me a dance now."

Rachel smiled at Ross.

"Alright, I'll make the sacrifice." She joked.

He took her hand and they walked to the dance floor. A slow song was on, so they didn't need further invitation to wrap their arms around each other. They were silent for a long time, enjoying the moment for what it was.

"Is it too soon for you to be seen with me like this in front of your family?"

"I don't care, Rachel."

"Oh, but, Ross..."

"Rach..." He looked at her, still carrying the slow pace of their dance. "OK, look... You're not just this amazing woman I really wanna be with. You're my friend too, aren't you?" She smiled. "I mean, I can count on that, can't I?"

"Of course you can."

"Then there you go... You know I'm ready to take you anyway I can, any way you'll let me. But if they don't, they can at least understand that I'm entitled the right to dance with my friend, don't you think?."

She hugged him again.

"Sometimes I think you're just too good to be true."

"I know..." He joked, just like she'd done the night before. They laughed together.

"That's how it works, isn't it?"

"What?"

"When there's friendship involved, just as much as passion. That's how relationships work, isn't it?"

"I guess so. I mean, with Carol all I had was the friendship part... which eventually faded without the passion."

"Well, I had neither with Barry..."

"But I thought you guys..." He trailed off. "I mean, once you insinuated something about the two of you sleeping together, I thought..."

"Oh, Ross..." She cut him. "I- I just wanted to hurt you, I'm sorry. I mean... we did- we did sleep together sometimes, yes... But..." She sighed, shaking her head. "It was Barry. It was nothing to me, it was..." She trailed off. "Please, believe me when I say we didn't have anything, even though in a way we had everything."

Ross smiled weakly and planted a perfect kiss on her shoulder.

"I believe you."

A long and comfortable silence followed.

"I guess we're just gonna have to wait and see how this friendship plus passion thing goes." He said.

"If you ask me, it seems like the perfect combination..."

They smiled and continued to sway together.

-

Monica and Chandler were about to take off to their honeymoon suite. But before they could, Monica announced on the stage that she would be throwing the bouquet, so she asked all single girls to approached. Rachel didn't bother, she carried on her conversation with Ross.

"Hey, Rach, aren't you coming?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh, no, no no. My divorce isn't even final yet, Phoebs, That wouldn't be appropriate."

But she had to admit she loved the look on Ross' face, pleased with the idea, somehow rooting for the thought of them being married soon. Rachel looked at him and they almost had an entire conversation with their eyes.

"Oh, come on, love birds, I know you want to. Plus, Rachel, nobody here even knows you were married. Well, just us. Oh, and Monica's parents. Oh, and Heather and Liam. And Patricia-" Phoebe stopped herself. "OK, that kind of back fired, didn't it?"

Rachel chuckled and nodded.

"It did."

"Oh, but come on, it's just for fun." Phoebe grabbed her arm. "It doesn't really mean anything."

"Come on, Rachel, don't be shy." They heard Monica say into the microphone. Many heads turned to them and Rachel turned red.

"Well, I guess now I have to..." Rachel said as she stood up. "Alright, I'll be right back." She said to Ross.

"Good luck." He wished, smiling widely.

Phoebe and Rachel joined the other many single women, most of them much to giddy about it for Rachel's taste.

"Alright, let's see who's gonna be the lucky lady tonight. Well, besides me, of course." Monica joked before turning around.

On a count of three she threw the bouquet, which would not have landed so perfectly on its target if carefully planned. Rachel held it, turning scarlet one more time as all the attention turned to her one more time.

"Oh, quit hogging the altar already." Phoebe commented, jokingly.

Rachel chuckled.

"Hey, you're the one who was talking me into this."

Monica turned and found the bouquet on Rachel's hand. She almost squealed and pointed at Rachel.

"Hah, you're gonna get married next!"

She came down and ran up to the girls.

"Or maybe it's a few years late, mistook it for my dead marriage..."

Monica threw her arms around Rachel.

"No way, we know exactly what this means."

Rachel looked down, smiling.

"Oh, this is so not the time to be thinking about weddings again...! Let's wait at least until the divorce is final."

"Alright, alright... one step at a time." Monica said, her giddiness however still very clear.

"Monica, shall we?" Chandler said as he joined the girls.

Monica smiled widely.

"We sure shall!"

Rachel and Phoebe laughed.

"Bye you guys, we'll see you in the morning."

"Bye."

"See ya, enjoy!" Phoebe shouted after them.

Rachel walked back to the table and smiled shyly at Ross. He smiled back.

"Do you believe in these things?" He asked.

She laughed nervously as she took her seat.

"I don't know. Why, do you?"

He chuckled.

"Again, I guess we'll have to wait and see, huh?"

She tilted her head adoringly.

"I guess so."

They exchanged looks.

"What are you thinking?" He asked her pretty much like he'd done so long ago, the first time they'd been together at that dark bar in the village.

"I'm thinking..." She trailed off, held his eyes for a second and smiled. "I'm thinking we're ready for what we've been rehearsing lately. And I don't just mean last night."

He smiled.

"I think you're right."

He leaned closer very slowly, making sure he was in friendly territory. She smiled and closed her eyes, which encouraged him.

Their lips met and he kissed her for all she was worth. After they broke, they smiled at each other adoringly for a long time and he brought his chair closer to hers. She caressed his face and let her fingers lightly slide down his neck.

"This is it." She whispered, meaningfully.

He nodded, looking straight into her eyes.

"This is it."

They smiled and kissed one more time.

_"You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there..."_

---

Sorry Ben wasn't at the wedding, it would have made things more complicated. I hope you enjoyed this mighty long (longest so far) and fluffy chapter :D Weird structure (better yet, no structure at all!), but whatever. You guys inspired me and made me write as fast as I could because of all the many great reviews of the previous chapter! See how that influences me? hee! Well, that and the fact I just got a few days off because of a national holiday ;) But anyway...! Only an epilogue left now. I'm soooo gonna miss this story. I'm trying to fish out ideas for an upcoming story because I'm a sucker for Ross and Rachel fanfiction, yes... Oh, I can be such a nerd. So if you have one, send it my way, please? ;) Take care and don't forget to leave a review again! ;) Thanks for reading!


	24. Epilogue

**Beautiful Release**  
by Tina

- - -

The alarm clock on the bedside table woke him up that sunday morning. He opened his eyes and turned to his side to turn it off. It read 8a.m.. He looked over and saw her, still sound asleep. Circumstances had been keeping her like that lately, constantly sleepy and tired. He wished he could let her rest some more, but they both had promised Monica and Chandler they would go have lunch with them in their new house in Westchester and see the twins. It had been three months since the moving and they still had trouble getting used to the idea that their best friends weren't living across the street anymore.

He kissed her shoulder lovingly.

"Rach, wake up, honey."

She only acknowledged him with a sigh, though not very enthusiastic. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. He knew she wasn't exactly a morning person, but even that seemed like a charming quality at that moment.

"Come on, we still need to go and pick Ben up." Still nothing. He kissed her again, this time on the neck, and stroked her hair. "Alright, I'll go and take a shower first, but then your time's up."

He got out of bed and Rachel finally moved. She opened her eyes and let them lazily wander around the room, with no rush to snap out of sleep so suddenly. They reached a beautiful black and white photograph, very tastefully framed and set on her bedside table. She smiled at it. Their wedding day, quite possibly the best day of her life. She looked down and smiled, for an approaching day might just beat that one at the title.

She turned to the other side and saw Ross undressing in their bathroom, the door was wide open. She smiled to herself. After three years together, he still stirred the rawest most physical feelings in her as much as the deepest most profound loving ones. Specially, hm, well, under the circumstances, which put her under so much hormone attack.

"Sweetie..." She purred softly.

He looked at her, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty."

"Come to bed..." She suggestively invited.

"We're gonna be late, Rach."

"So? They'll understand."

Ross chuckled, remembering Monica was far from being understanding of their never ending excuses for always being the last ones to arrive.

"Sure, 'cause the past taught us that lesson, huh?"

Rachel sat up, letting the sheets slide down her body and uncover her small bump. She rested against the headboard and put a hand on her enlarged belly, while the other played with her hair sensually. Her pale pink nightie was getting small for her and it barely contained her swollen breasts. She knew he wouldn't resist that scenario.

He stared, a mix of real love and lust in his eyes. She smiled at him and looked down at her hand going up and down her stomach.

"This is all your fault, really."

Ross smiled at her and started approaching.

"Oh, God, Rach... You've never looked more beautiful than you do now. And, whoa, believe me, that really says something..."

She smiled back, believing him. Funny how some women tend to feel unpretty and everything during pregnancy. Sure, it was all very understandable, she thought. But the way she and Ross were handling the whole thing, God, it was perfect and made her feel perfect. She was creating life, their little daughter's life. And a very wanted child it would be. After getting together, Ross and Rachel made sure to take things slow, to have their own pace and do things in their own time. A year after being together he'd proposed and a year after that they got married, on a cliff at sunset in Barbados. The baby plans came some time after it, mostly because of Rachel.

After the divorce, she invested a big part of the money she'd gotten out of it in herself. She started taking fashion classes, started working in the field, humbly and effectively working her way up. They decided it was time for kids after she was promoted at Ralph Lauren - with an assistant and everything! - and it came as a surprise how little time it took them to conceive, specially after being there for Monica and Chandler's infertility drama. Two weeks off the pill and bam, their little baby had been created.

"Thanks..." She stretched her arms towards him, inviting him to come and join her again. He took them and sat beside her, kissing her neck while she wrapped her arms tightly around him, adoringly.

"How do you feel today?" He tenderly asked.

"Fine. Just a little, you know..."

"What?" He pulled away, worried.

She grinned.

"Horny."

He smiled.

"Alright, I think we need to remedy that then, don't we?"

"Yeah, I didn't wanna say anything, but I read somewhere that kids whose mother don't get a lot, and I mean a lot, of lovin' during the pregnancy don't get to like science..." She joked.

He chuckled and kissed her.

"God, I love you." He said.

"I love you too, honey."

She kissed him passionately, winning him over, as she always did. He laid her on the bed and held her down slightly, letting her know that time he was there only to fulfill her needs - his would come from achieving that prior task, anyway. He knew her hormones were driving her nuts, something he had experienced in Carol's pregnancy in a very different and a lot less enjoyable way. In fact, everything about Rachel's pregnancy was much different than Carol's. This time, it wasn't that Rachel was pregnant. They were pregnant. He was involved in all of it, they shared everything - from after hour cravings to fears in the back of their heads on lazy mornings.

He wanted to thank her for all of it; for bearing their child, for being such a wonderful woman, such a wonderful wife. Neither had ever found happiness and satisfaction like that before, and for some time they had simply given up hope and stopped looking for it. Now, they couldn't understand how they had survived so long without it.

He tossed her nightie across the room, his eyes darting quickly to her belly. He kissed it tenderly a few times, thinking if their baby girl developing slowly in there. He looked up at her and saw adoration in her eyes. He moved up and kissed her again, while his hands, his magical hands she so much loved, did some of the work for some time, later being replaced by his mouth. God, his tongue did wonders, she well knew that.

Rachel moaned his name as quietly as she could, but before she could climax she pulled him up and rolled on top of him.

"Oh, baby, I need you." She whispered sweetly.

He smiled widely.

"You have me." He whispered back as she sat onto him slowly, taking him, their gazes locked.

They smiled at each other. She reached down for his lips and they kissed for some time, not moving their bodies just yet, simply enjoying the sensation of being connected as one. When they broke, Rachel took a long and well drawn out breath and started moving her hips slowly at first, trying to find a pace that would be comfortable enough. She smiled as she pictured themselves making love towards the end of the pregnancy. They would have to be creative and opt for some of their unusual positions. It probably wouldn't be as great as it was in their favorites, but she was sure as hell that it wouldn't stop them.

As it usually happened, Rachel climaxed first. Selfless lover he was, Ross always tried his best to last the longest he could, always putting her needs before his. Besides, nothing in the world compared to seeing her that way, to the feeling of her body hugging him, accepting and approving him like that. Plus, they had always been so connected during the act that it wasn't any challenge for him, most days. Sure they had the times when it was mostly for one than the other, but usually both were one hundred per cent in it.

She collapsed on top of him, finding a way to cuddle with him comfortably, suiting herself anatomically. They hugged each other tight, feeling each other's heat under their palms, stroking each other's bodies tenderly. They breathed heavily, hot breath on each other's neck, slowly returning to a normal pace.

"Hmmm..." Rachel moaned, enjoying the moment, the intimate closeness, his sweat mixing with hers, his heartbeat on her own chest. "I think that just owed this kid a PhD."

Ross chuckled, pulling her closer and reaching for her lips, kissing her tenderly. After they broke, they smiled at each other.

"OK, we're officially late." He said.

She smiled wider.

"I'll call Carol and Susan, you call Monica."

And if it wasn't for Ross' uneasiness around his ex-wife lesbian lover - quite a shock he still had some trouble dealing with; not out of anger, but mostly inadequacy - he would have considered complaining, for he knew Monica would most likely take the news very harshly. He would let her have that one though, he always did. He watched her get out of bed naked and grab the phone, quickly giving the message on her way to the bathroom. Once she reached the door, she turned around and threw the phone at him.

"Come and join me once Monica stops yelling, OK?"

Ross chuckled. If things continued that way they would probably never leave the apartment.

---

Ross double parked the car they'd recently bought in front of Carol and Susan's building, the one he used to share with the first. They had called about five minutes before, saying they were getting there, so Carol and Ben were already waiting downstairs for them. Ben ran over, followed by Carol.

"Wait, Ben, where's my kiss?" She demanded.

Ben rolled his eyes as any ten years old boy would and gave her a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. She ruffled his hair.

"Mo-om!" He whined, running his fingers through it, trying to style it back.

"Goodbye, sweetie, have fun."

"Bye, mom."

He entered the car.

"Hey, Ben!" Rachel greeted him.

"Hi, son! How are you?"

"Good! Rachel, I need to show you my new card collection!"

"Cool, sweetie." She said, making a big deal out of it and with that owing herself a smile from her stepson.

Carol approached the car.

"Hey you guys."

"Hi, Carol, how are you doing?" Rachel politely asked.

"Great, thanks. How's the baby?"

Rachel put a hand on her belly, smiling widely.

"Wonderful, thanks for asking. Where's Susan?"

Ross rolled his eyes much like Ben had just done, but Carol smiled pleased at Rachel's politeness.

"She had to go out of town for a few days for work."

"Oh, send her a hello from me then."

Ross turned the car back on, that was enough. The two women chuckled at his clear discomfort.

"Alright, we better get going." He said.

"Sure. Have fun you guys. Ben, you take care."

"I will."

"Send my love to Monica, Chandler and the twins." Carol said.

"We will."

"Bye."

"Bye."

-

They knocked on the door of the fairly big suburban house and only waited a few short seconds before Monica opened it, holding baby Jack. She had baggy tired eyes, but cracked up a big smile nonetheless.

"Oh, hi, you guys, come in."

"Hey, sweetie, how are you?" Rachel asked as she hugged her friend, a little surprised by her good mood. On an usual day she would have been received with much scolding for being one hour late.

"I'm good. You know, tired and all, you'll see." She motioned to the baby in her arms and to Rachel's bump, while she chuckled. "What about you, are you feeling better?"

Rachel looked confused only for a second, until she looked at Ross and understood everything.

"Oh, yeah." She rested a hand on her belly. "Just a little nausea, which I thought I had moved past by now."

After all the hellos, Rachel painfully poked Ross as they were walking into the living room.

"Ouch." He winced in pain.

"I can't believe you told her I wasn't feeling well."

"It was either that or the lecture. Which one would you choose?"

"How about a better lie?"

Ross pulled her closer from behind quickly, taking her by surprise. He kissed her hair and rested both his hands on her belly. She couldn't help but giggle.

"You know I'm a terrible liar..."

She smiled. She knew that and a million other things about this man. And she loved each and every one of those qualities and flaws, she wouldn't manage to make a better man for herself if she had the means to it.

"So, you know, in a way I didn't lie to her... You weren't feeling so well, so Dr. Geller here had to take really good care of you." He said, rather full of himself.

Rachel laughed.

"Oh, honey, you're adorable."

She put her hands on his cheek and gave him a soft kiss.

They walked into the big kitchen, where Phoebe, her husband Mike, Chandler and Monica were hanging by a small table. Monica set Jack on his baby chair next to Erica's, where the baby girl slept, but the boy wouldn't have it that way. As soon as Monica turned her back and walked away, he started protesting and weeping. Monica sighed and walked back to get him, but Rachel approached before she could reach it.

"That's OK, I'll take care of him."

Monica smiled at her sister-in-law.

"Thanks, honey."

Monica approached the oven on the island in the middle of the room to finish preparing their lunch. Everybody said their hellos and Ross, Rachel and Ben took their seats. Ross looked adoringly at his wife and little Jack and moved his seat closer to hers, throwing one arm around them.

"Hey, guess what." Chandler said.

"What?" Ross asked.

"Joey sent me the tape with the pilot of that TV show he's gonna be on, so we can watch that after lunch."

"Oh really? Wow." Rachel beamed with pride.

"What's it called again, 'Deep something'?" Ross asked again.

"Deep Powder." Monica said from her spot in front of the oven. "It seems like it's gonna be this big thing, he's really excited."

"Oh, this is so great for him. I just hope he doesn't forget about us." Rachel joked.

"Joseph Tribbiani? No, I'd kick his sorry ass." Phoebe said in a serious voice. Rachel chuckled. "I'm not kidding."

"Oh, we know." Rachel said.

"Aunt Monica, can I go and watch some TV?"

"Sure, sweetie."

Ben rushed out of the room, Ross and Rachel's eyes following.

"So, how's Ben doing with the baby news and all?" Phoebe wanted to know.

Ross smiled.

"He has been great through everything, ever since the divorce and then with Rachel and all. He's actually quite excited to be a big brother, I think."

"He is." said Rachel. "He's only a little scared about having to share his room. The other day he came to ask me if we were gonna have to paint it pink."

"Oh, he doesn't know about the moving yet?"

"What moving?" Rachel asked.

Phoebe froze and looked at Ross, who wore a defeated expression.

"Oh, the secret moving."

Rachel looked even more confused.

"Huh? Ross, what is she talking about?"

"Well, OK, I wanted to make it a surprise, but uh... I got us a new place."

"What?"

"Three bedrooms, so Ben and the baby each get to have their own room and it's really near your work. Now that Monica, Chandler and Joey have all moved I didn't feel so tied down to the Village anymore... It's really amazing, you're gonna love it."

Rachel smiled weakly.

"When were you gonna tell me? Why make it a surprise?"

"Because, with the baby and all, I didn't want to overwhelm you with the whole apartment hunting thing and stuff. But believe me, I had good company. Your mom came with me, she approved it herself. I was gonna tell you sometime this week, right after we settled all the formalities."

Rachel smiled wider at the way her mother and husband got along so well. After divorcing her father a couple of years ago, she knew sometimes her mom felt lonely and Ross always included her into their lives as often as possible. How could she be upset at the man for being so thoughtful, for wanting to spare her? She leaned closer and kissed him.

"When can I see it?"

"I can make a few calls and see if we can stop by on our way home."

"I would really love that."

They smiled at each other and he picked up his cellphone. She watched him stand up and leave the kitchen, smiling. Then looked down at Jack, who was now sleeping in her arms, put him in his baby chair again, picked up her own phone and started making a call herself.

"Mom?" She talked into it.

-

Ross, Rachel and Ben hopped off the car. Ross pointed out the building and Rachel smiled.

"It's that one, 10th floor."

As they approached the main door, Rachel looked around. It was such a quiet and comfortable neighborhood. She saw a mother pushing twins on a stroller on the sidewalk a few feet in front of them and let her eyes follow, until she noticed a little park down the street. It would be the perfect place to raise their child.

They walked into the building, Ross had managed to get a set of keys for the day. As they walked out of the elevator, Ross lead them to the right direction. They walked up to apartment 1001 and he opened the door.

Ben walked in first, excited. While he made his father a million questions about it, Rachel walked in and let her eyes wander free, a hand ever so gently rubbing her belly. The living room was pretty big, probably two times the size of their current. It didn't have any furniture yet, but Rachel could place where everything would be with her mind, even their child's toys left around the floor. Ross showed Ben where his room would be and left him there for a little while. Rachel barely noticed him, until he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind.

She smiled and put her arms on his, smiling widely.

"So, do I get a tour?"

"That depends, will I get a commission?"

She chuckled and turned around to face him, playing with his hands.

"Only if you get me a good deal."

"It'll be the best, ma'am."

They kissed.

"OK, so this is the living room. We're obviously gonna have to buy more furniture, at least one couch or two, if we wanna fill it up. I was thinking the TV could go there-" He pointed. "-and we should have a playpen right about here for the baby could stay on."

Rachel let her eyes linger, smiling. He took her hand and together they went into the kitchen. It was fairly big and, even though it wasn't Rachel's favorite room in a house, she had to admit this one was pretty charming. She wouldn't say charming enough to have her actually doing something other than eating in it - or, well, "christening" it, hopefully some time later on that week - but she could totally see Ross standing in front of the stove making them dinner, while she took out plates or settled their take-out.

"The kitchen... Not that it would excite you." He said, until he caught her suggestive look, letting him know what was on her mind. "Unless..."

She raised an eyebrow and pushed him closer.

"Definitely."

They started kissing, until he reluctantly pulled way.

"Whoa, not today though... Ben."

"Alright, but you owe it to me, Geller, I'll hold you to it."

"Don't worry, I won't forget to deliver."

She smiled wider and he took her hand again, leading her out and towards the bedrooms hallway. They walked by Ben's room and peeked briefly through the slight gap of the door, only to find him totally engrossed looking out the window, at something they couldn't identify. Then they walked into the main room. Rachel let go of his hand and sighed contentedly. She was one used to luxury, yet nothing she had ever had compared to this, she had never felt so satisfied anywhere else before. And he knew it. He watched her with a wide smile on his face. She turned to face him again.

"We're gonna be so happy here."

He took her hand.

"Yes, very much. But you know, we would be happy anywhere, really."

She smiled at him and nodded.

"Don't take the fun out of this, though."

They chuckled.

After seeing their closet and bathroom - with a romantic big Jacuzzi which very much turned Rachel on - Ross took her hand again.

"Now come, I wanna show you the baby's room."

He opened the door and Rachel gasped. A beautiful crib was set in the middle of the room, very tastefully designed with first quality wood.

"Oh, honey, you bought a crib!"

She turned to look at him, but met a confused look on his face.

"No, I didn't."

"You didn't?"

"No."

"It's so beautiful..." She commented.

They approached it together. Inside, a tiny Tiffany & Co. bag lied. Rachel looked up at Ross again, but his confused expression was still there.

"Pick it up." He said.

She did so. Inside, there was a tiny box which revealed a fine and beautiful sterling silver moon-shaped rattle. Rachel chuckled and finally noticed an envelope taped to the side of the crib. She picked it up and opened it. Inside, a note read a message congratulating them on the new house and wishing them all the very best with their so wanted grandchild, signed by Nana and Poppi Green. Rachel smiled at Ross with tears in her eyes.

"I guess it's one of the reasons why they like you so much." She wrapped one arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. "You're giving them everything Barry never did, and all the things that mattered, after all."

He smiled and kissed her head.

"Yeah? Like what?" He knew the answer to that very well. In fact, both Sandra and Leonard Green in different occasions had both said that to him out loud before.

"Like a grandchild. And their daughter's happiness."

He smiled wider and hugged her.

"Oh, the things you gotta do to please the in-laws..." He joked.

She chuckled.

"I can't believe they got this together, though. I thought they were hating each other right now."

"You know, a baby can bring people together."

She smiled at him even wider.

"They're grown ups, I'll leave it to them to figure this out."

"Yeah, let's."

His eyes lazily travelled down to her belly, where they lingered, filled with thoughts of their little bundle of joy. She smiled, knowing what he was thinking about, and grabbed his hand, placing it on her belly.

"I bet she's gonna look just like you and grow up to be a heart breaker." He said.

Rachel laughed.

"Well, I'm hoping she'll get your puppy eyes. Although I have to realize that's gonna make it so hard for me to say no to her..."

He smiled at her.

"Really, they have that power?" He asked.

She shot him a playful look.

"Like you don't already know that!"

He gave her an exaggerated puppy look, playing along. She chuckled and kissed him. After they broke, she picked up his hand and they walked around the room.

"God, there's still so much we need to get..." She said.

"There's no rush." His eyes fixated on hers, he continued. "Let's make it a home." He grinned, recalling the words she had once said to him.

She smiled back, remembering it. She wrapped her arms around his waist yet again.

"Put you and me in here and, honey, it is a home already."

He smiled wider, watching her for a long time.

"That has got to be the corniest yet most realistic thing you've ever said to me."

She chuckled and they kissed.

"Oh, ew!"

They broke apart and noticed little Ben by the door, looking at them. They chuckled.

"Come here Benny Boy."

Ben approached them and Rachel threw one arm around him. His little hand went straight to her belly, validating the intimacy he had quickly built with his stepmother. Ross watched it, pleased.

Her eyes met his and then... words weren't necessary anymore.

The three - of four, as you wish - of them cuddled for a while, the picture perfect of a modern family.

---

Sorry it took so long. The beginning had been written for a long time now, but I couldn't figure out what else to write. I'm still not pleased, but I'm never pleased with my endings anyway, so whatever. I just needed to finish this so I can finally concentrate on a new one, I have a few ideas already. However, I've also been very busy and etc... I won't promise anything, but I do wish to have something new out very soon. Anyway, thank you so, so, so much for reading and commenting this story. You have no idea how much that means to me ;) Also, I have a recommendation. If you haven't read "Tell me you love me" by Imaginewhatif yet, what are you waiting for? It's amazing, a must read and it's updated like once a week or so :) Mwah, take care!


End file.
